Sometimes, we get bored. Even guys like to chat from time to time! So, we'll do a spur of
the moment FB chat, purely for fun. This is the record of one of those - just cleaned up so
Q&A are together. Enjoy and keep your eyes open!
WA is running a chat right now - enjoy!
Megan Boys. Why they so crazy?
Mystery Man Trying to deal with gals makes them that way.
Megan George Carlin said that. Or something similar. Ah, women are crazy because
men are stupid. Love that man.
Mystery Man Well, add in that stupidity, perseverance and being a helpless idiot tend to
work (Yes, I am looking at you, Hugh Grant)
Arla why are guys so hot and cold? my friend is seeing this guy who is all over her one
day and then tells her they should just be friends the next and then they hook up the day
after that. it's confusing the shit out of both of us!
Mystery Man hmm - I'd say nerves. Or on his off days he is hunting, but that is unlikely.
No player would ever go cold. Feelings are a little frightening to guys - we are taught not
to show them.
Arla thanks so much. hopefully this will reassure some confidence in their relationship!
Sarah One of my best friends isn't talking to me because he doesn't think I should have
slept with one of my other friends. I don't think I should have either, and I regret it, but his
being angry at me? Not helping. Can I do anything to get him to stop being angry?
Mystery Man What right does he have to be angry with you? It is your life and body, to
bestow as you will. He sounds slightly jealous - you sure there isn't anything more there on
his side? If I got angry at you for sleeping with someone, would you pay attention? No. He
is a friend - not your lover or your Dad. Gently but firmly put him in his place.
Sarah I know. It's just hard because he's really important to me and I hate when he's angry
at me. But you're right. Thank you
Megan ok legit question. I want to initiate conversations with guys. I was recently told (by
a guy) that men might not be starting conversations with me because I'm "intimidatingly
pretty". So how much do guys like that? Having a girl start talking to them and coming on
to them? I'm getting tired of waiting.
Mystery Man it is flattering to be approached by a pretty gal.
Megan That's what I thought.
Carolyn Got in a fight with BF. Both sides said things that shouldn't have been said. He's
carrying a grudge weeks later. Won't talk about it, won't accept any of his responsibility.
Walk away or stay and fight for what used to be a good thing?
Mystery Man There is an old guy saying - "If you fight and you are right, apologise at
once." He sounds like you hit him in a tender spot.
Carolyn Yes, I did and I was right and I apologized immediately. He has not and won't.
Mystery Man time to shake him up. Let him know you need a man - not a child
Carolyn Excellent point MM. Thank you. And thank you for the first laugh I have had in
this whole situation.
Cindy Why are men so hard to understand? lol There are times I wish I could read minds.
Mystery Man They are no harder to understand than women. Still human, with a lot of
the same impulses and drives.
Cindy Oh I know, we all need a set of instructions sometimes I think.
Kim My 35 year old BF's parents refuse to accept our relationship, saying that I'm not
good enough for him (because I've been divorced). They refuse to listen to anything he tells
them about my history, and they won't speak to me for me to tell them my side of the story.
Any thought on how to deal with it?
Mystery Man His parents, his job to handle it. Not yours. It does cause a few problems,
but you are with him, not with his parents.
Kim Thanks....everytime he's tried to cut apron string, mom uses heaping of good old
fashioned Catholic guilt on him....but we've been sticking to our guns....
Mystery Man He is 35 - really is time for him to cut the apron strings. If it is any
consolation, my Mum is the same. Really, really detested my lady. Just one of those things -
no one will be good enough for her boy.
Emily KIM get out fast!or tell him to get some balls. Tell him to tell his parents this is who
I,m with like it or leave it!
Doris long distance "thing" when i pay attention to him, he disappears, when i don't, he's
all over me with calls, texts. i cant take the inconsistency, what is his deal for Pete's sake?
love me or leave me alone!
Mystery Man he is panicking that you are out having fun if you don't call. Reduce the
number of times you call/text and once in a while don't answer.
Doris btw MM, gut feeling is there could be something great here, i could be wrong~
Mystery Man we have gut instincts for a reason. Listen to it, but keep your eyes open
Doris thanks, u rock and ur my fave~
Doris my gut hasn't ever failed me before, but i really don't have the patience to wait on
something like this to right itself, something i have to work on i guess!!
Mystery Man patience is not just for fishing
Doris could be why i dont care for fishing all that much....;)
Mystery Man friend zoned then
Doris should i try harder or not try at all? friends want love too~
Mystery Man Always, always, always try. Who knows, you might succeed!
Seriously though - there is NEVER an excuse for giving up on your happiness.
Whitney Why do guys bring up kisses and such they've done (pre-girlfriend) with you
when they now have a girlfriend? My guy friend isn't a cheater and I'd never help someone
cheat (been cheated on a few times). Why do guys do that?
Mystery Man I honestly don't know. It is both foolish and crass.
Whitney Thank you =] have a great day!!
Lorraine why do guys always say, I'm surprised you're single (friends) but are NEVER
EVER attracted to me (ie, I'm friend-zoned all the time) <_<
Mystery Man this is a tricky one. How do you approach guys?
Lorraine Um, I just talk to them like you would talk to any human being you would want
to get to know? :unsure:
Mystery Man you are pretty self confident, I am guessing. Right?
Lorraine I'm not -- it's complicated -- but I *am* passionate and assertive (esp if you get
on my toes wrt books). I sorta appear successful but am quite miserable inside [good job,
future phd prospects... but very um, existentialist]
Mystery Man OK, I wrote something that might be of help. check out
Doris Lorraine, dont feel alone, i get friend-zoned too, i am told i am a great listener, then
Mystery Man you need to get their interest. Guys are like T Rex. They don't see you
unless you move
Lorraine my problem is complicated by (sorry) my curves. Like, I am short and curvy, so
I do get *stares*, but I don't want a hookup. But if you show interest sexually when they're
already staring at you... how do you just get them to be interested ...in you as a *person*,
romantically :S much of the time it's like, they want to friend me or fuck me, but never *
date* me. Those who know me want the former, those who don't want the latter :S
Mystery Man You need to get them interested while keeping the sexual tension going.
That is pure body language. Keep showing interest and awareness of the guy's sexual
attractiveness while they are getting to know you as a person. One thing you have in your
favor is guys are used to gals setting the rules.
Lorraine hmm. Thanks MM. It makes sense (you usually do) but sounds like something
rather difficult to implement in practice but like everything in life, one has to try. As
beckett said, try. fail. try again, fail better [I love that quote, because failing better might
also mean failing worse. Brilliant]
Mystery Man Beckett was a smart guy. Very human and tolerant of failure.
Lorraine I shouldn't go off topic, but more free advertising for beckett; not just human, he
was brave too. He faced truth without shrinking. That takes tons of courage. And he used
irony not as a weapon against others, but against life itself. Ther...e's a passage in Molloy
that ends with 'under a sky without memory of morning or hope of night'. His minimalism is
sheer beauty. Etc. etc. ok. I guess this is my problem I am book obsessed. Read
beckett, everyone -- against life -- in a way that is anti-traumatic
Mystery Man If you can read Italian as well, have I got the partner for you . Nothing
wrong with book obsessed, I read one a day on average and write one a month or so.
Books teach you how to deal with life. Just don't use them as a replacement for life.
Lorraine no italian, but basic french (very, very, very basic). knowledge mostly of English
literature, specificially with more focus on modernism, although I wrote my MA thesis on
Austen. It'd be rather hilarious if you introduced someone via Mystery Man via fb. How
surreal. How... modern. What novel-worthy material.
Mystery Man OK, I said an hour, and that is what it has been Thank you all for the
most enjoyable chat.