I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you received immediate care after this and have access to ongoing support. There are really two issues at play here and I think it's important you distinguish between the two.
The first issue: You need to take stock of where you are sexually. Maybe being in relationships isn't synching with your inner life. Maybe instead of trying to appease a partner your time would be better spent exploring your past and plugging into a support system (therapy, etc) that could help you reclaim a part of you that was violated.
If you feel strongly that being in a relationship makes sense you need to be clear about things: Your sexual abuse is part of your past, but it is playing a part in your current shared relationship. He has a right to know. Being open about it might relieve a lot of pressure and thus make intimacy easier... or it might not. The point is to be upfront about it. This is taking care of yourself. This is you in control and living at the crossroads of truth. Ooh, I'm liking that: crossroads of truth™.
This exact same thing happened to me. Not telling guys has ruined more than one relationship, so I would strongly advise you to tell them. It gives them a context as to why they need to be more gentle, understanding and act on your terms only.
When to tell them is tricky, I tend to panic when things become intimate - so usually when kissing goes into making out - is when I become twitchy and my body goes into defensive mode and I need to explain why. My therapist told me I will have to work on this my whole life. I try to believe in the good in people and hope most guys will understand. Wishing you the best of luck.
I can sadly relate, I was raped 6 yrs and until 2 months ago hadn't had a date. I'm still not in a relationship and I'm not even sure I'm ready to be "thatclose" to another guy.
I hate that this happened to all of you. I feel like I should apologize for all other men that aren't predators. There are some truly good men out there, that nurture love and compassion. Then assholes like the ones above come along and take advantage and assault a woman. I'm a very laid back guy but this truly angers me.
Years ago, I dated a girl who was raped. She was very open about it and made sure that she still considered herself a virgin and was not ready to move into a sexual relationship. We broke up - not because of her abstaining from sex, though. I ran into her many years later and she was married and had a couple children.
I share that to say this - Hold your head high. You are a special person, unique in this world. Don't let some asshole take that from you. Best of luck to you, all of you.
Thank you.