You're in a predicament and she's in danger. Unfortunately, both are true. If a man beats his girl he needs heavy, heavy, heavy self-work. More than can be fit into 90 days. If a man has a drug and alcohol problem he needs more than 90 days sobriety before entering a relationship.
And yet, as an adult your friend has the right to be with him. This speaks to her own self worth and sense of what she deserves. Is it possible this beating was a once in 500 years event? Yes, but unlikely. In some form or another - whether it be physical or serious verbal abuse or aggression - he's probably going to go back to his standard operating procedure. That's his current hardwiring.
It's frustrating when friends make bad choices, even more so when they are potentially dangerous. But alas we are not their parents and they are not 11. You can't "forbid it". You can't lock her in her room and take away her cell phone. You can try tough love on her, you can try rationalizing why this is an epic fail on her part, but she is not likely to listen. "Love" lives outside of reason and logic. Only time and experience will shift things for her.
Lets hope, for her sake more than yours, that she wakes up soon and dodges this fist sooner rather than later.
Funny Guy
I agree. People can change when the drugs/alcohol is out of the picture but NOT THAT FAST. He may feel better and be on a "pink cloud" where he feels hope for the first time in a while, but the consequences of drinking/addiction are not light for anyone and those take quite some time to deal with and work through. He should focus on himself. As someone in recovery, I can tell you that if he is serious about his own recovery, he will stay out of all romantic relationships for at least a year. That is standard recovery 101.
Maybe tell your friend that if she loves him, she should give him time to work through his personal problems and insist that he stay out of ALL relationships for a year or so. It's really what he needs to do and maybe by the end of the year, he'll be in a position of making real changes, or better yet, she'll be over him.
Both are losers.
This scares me.... What happens when he becomes stressed? He, more than likely, will turn to the drugs and alcohol again. What happens to her then?
I would just make sure your friend knows that you love her and will be there for her whenever she needs you. If you make her feel embarrassed or ashamed about it, she might be hesitant to go to you when she is in trouble.
My heart aches thinking about this situation. I hope everyone ends up ok!
I had a friend who married a man who was a drug addict. She knew he was an strict and knew I wouldn't approve because of all the times I had to bail her out because he had stolen from her or got her car impounded. I tried to reason with her before they got married, to tell her that she could do better, but she eloped while I was on vacation. He continued to treat her badly till he died of cancer a year later. That was 3 years ago and she still misses him desperately. Unless your friend gets serious therapy to deal with her self esteem issues she will keep going back. Even if not to him, she will likely find another abuser. My friend finally started dating and found another drug addict. Lucky for her he died before she got too attached.
I had a friend who married a man who was a drug addict. She knew he was an strict and knew I wouldn't approve because of all the times I had to bail her out because he had stolen from her or got her car impounded. I tried to reason with her before they got married, to tell her that she could do better, but she eloped while I was on vacation. He continued to treat her badly till he died of cancer a year later. That was 3 years ago and she still misses him desperately. Unless your friend gets serious therapy to deal with her self esteem issues she will keep going back. Even if not to him, she will likely find another abuser. My friend finally started dating and found another drug addict. Lucky for her he died before she got too attached.
It sounds like they're in a honeymoon period... (see cycle of abuse)
You beat me to it--that's what I was going to say!
I fear for the OP's friend. Her friend is going to end up badly hurt. Let's hope she doesn't end up pregnant by this abusive man.
Just to reiterate the above comments, just make sure she knows you're there for her no matter what. The first thing an abuser does is try to emotionally separate the victim from friends and family so that when the abuse happens she/he feels there's no one to turn to. Giver her your opinion, but don't try to make her feel guilty about it - you want her to talk to you about the relationship, because there might be a time she's too close to the situation to see any looming danger.
It's a tough spot, good luck to you both!