A coworker constantly flirts with me and our personalities are really compatible. I really am starting to fall for him, but... he's married (and 12 years older than me). He also knows I'm a good girl and thats part of what he likes about me. Is there any possibility that he's actually interested in me or just a fling?
Dan Seitz answered this question on
December 22, 2011 1:53 PM
It doesn't matter. He's married and he's your coworker. Do you really think the workplace gossip would be worth it?
But for the record, twelve years older, married, and coworker all add up to no, he is not interested in you as a person. He is interested in getting in your pants and that's it. Shut him down and move on, he's not worth it.
I hate to sound like an ass, but why on earth are you possibly considering this??? NOTHING good can come of this. Seriously, if you decide to give in here is what is going to happen:
1, initially everything will be great, you'll have lots of physical chemistry and you'll be feel like you're on cloud nine.
2, eventually you'll want more than just a physical relationship and will start to grow dissatisfied with how things are going. You'll want more than to just be his f#$k buddy.
3, he'll happily feed you BS about how he's planning on leaving his wife... eventually, but right now is just a bad time because, ummm, Christmas is right around the corner, his mother in law is really sick, he's got a lot of stuff to deal with right now at work... etc. etc. yeah, that's the ticket!
4, you'll happily eat it up for a while and eventually realize that you're being strung along. You'll push for an ultimatum, a final "her or me"
5, he'll tell you that he's sorry, but he can't leave his wife for you because of the kids/family/finances.
6, you'll hate him, you'll quit your job to get out of there and you might wind up hating men for a good long time. You might even do something spiteful (like let his wife know about your affair) and wind up hating yourself for it afterwards.
I think the simple answer is...hubris. Gives us the sense that somehow we're better or different and therefore an exception the normal outcome when entering in situations that are not good to go into.
PLEASE...., Shut him down and move on!
Proof of being a "good girl" - and a good man too - is not getting involved someone who's already taken.
Even though he's the one hitting on you, and even though you might feel if he doesn't cheat with you he will cheat with someone else, you can still rise above and walk away.
Let's assume you went for it, following Neil G.'s steps, he in fact does leave his wife to pick you. Can you honestly believe sometime down the road, there isn't a possibility he won't do the same thing to you?
A good person doesn't need to settle for being someone's fling, they can find a partner available to commit fully to the relationship. You deserve better than that. Simply tell him, politely, that you aren't interested, that's all.
If you're a good girl then it's most likely you can do better than an old man who potentially cheats on his wife with girls much younger than him. He may seem quite a catch now, but if you were 12 years older would you look at him twice? RP is right, he's not worth it, put him out of your mind and when you look back on this you'll be relieved you did.