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A friend recently admitted feelings for me. I don't feel that way about him, and he said he understood, but ever since he's been following me around like a puppy. How do I get him to back off without being rude?

I hope this isn't a very close friend, because odds are, this is going to be painful. Realizing a platonic male friend is in love with you is like finding out one of your limbs is gangrenous: you have to ask yourself how much you really need that leg.

The reason is--and I hope this is heartening to some of you--deep down, men too believe in true love. And most of us, when infatuated, are pretty earnestly convinced that if we just wait it out and keep trying, you'll realize you love us too and the music will swell while doves fly over a rainbow and a wizard makes pies for everybody.

The point being, the normal, human-grade hint you dropped isn't going to do the trick. If you really want to let this guy know you're not interested, I'm afraid it MAY take being rude (or a stab to the gut).

Try another earnest chat, but if he doesn't get the message, be prepared to step it up to a communications blackout, angry email or, if necessary, fake engagement to a paid C-list celebrity. I hear Flava Flav is looking for work.

It's admirable that you don't want to hurt this guy, but sometimes pain is all the lovesick understand. And besides, he knew what he was getting himself into when he signed up to be ruled by a highly unstable chemical cocktail sloshing around inside him.

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8 Comments

curlygurly

My BFF dropped that same bomb on me and he couldn't understand why I felt betrayed rather then idk...flattered? I did the communication blackout AND the angry email, we got back in touch a few months later and unfortunately I still think he's hoping I'll change my mind.

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That was me once upon a time.

I strongly advise against what she did - turning up the flirtometer from zero to a level that's bordering on bedroom dirty talk while also introducing him to a new boyfriend every week and refusing to talk about the situation. He's likely to get a bit stalky.

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That was me once upon a time.

I strongly advice against what she did - turning up the flirtometer from zero to daily giggle-laden discussions about sex while also introducing him to a new boyfriend every week and refusing to talk about the situation. He's likely to get a bit stalky.

jude

Aside from the stalky bit, this was heartening for me...however, since none of my guy friends have ever confessed undying love for me, I guess I have no words of wisdom for this particular predicament.

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i was recently professed to by a guy friend as well, and it was insanely awkward due to my having zero feelings for him whatsoever. i was blunt to the point of being borderline bitchy with him, but i think he's still hoping i'll come around as well. which is frustrating, because i don't see him like that. at all. in any way. and i can't hang out with him because all i can think is, "this guy has probably imagined me naked," and then i get a case of the EWWs and i want to curl up into the fetal position and die.

long story short, he is a gangrenous limb that i may have to amputate. swiftly.

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I feel like Hollywood has taught us all that the male protagonist always "gets" the girl in the end, and he's the protagonist of his life, so... wait, you're not dating the high school quarterback, by any chance?

Andy

I just had the same thing. I was so shocked that when he said it was just a date, "no strings attached", I said yes. But then he started talking about how he wanted to overcome our differences and that he was worried he'd give another friend of mine (who I'd turned down) an inferiority complex. I told him it was a mistake. It's been incredibly awkward ever since.

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Same thing happened to me, ever since he told me that he liked me its been totally awkward between me and him because he would tell me everything he would do with his past girlfriends like literlly EVERYTHING so yeah i still cant get over it cuz this just happened like a week ago dont kno wat im gonna do... :(

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