How good a friend was she?
Obviously not a really close friend, or she'd have been a bridesmaid, or understood why she couldn't be (for example if your bridesmaids were all your sisters). This is one of the reasons I am all in favor of a wedding being the two of you, the priest and two witnesses grabbed off the street. Less chance for hassle.
Off-hand, though, I'd say fix it by simply ignoring what she did. Have you never done anything stupid out of wounded pride that you later regretted?
Not every deed requires talking out and closure. Sometimes ignoring it and carrying on is the only way forward.
this might be a first but i'm gonna disagree with MM on this one, but only a bit. i do agree that not everything needs to be talked out, but not that this one should go ignored. sort of. oddly enough i am dealing with the same thing with two of my, what i thought were, closest friends. they both rsvpd to my baby sisters wedding and never showed. no call, no nothing. when i tried to be light and breezy and all "oh, what happened to you guys" i got a "oh sorry, i forgot, i guess i should have put that on my calendar" or "something came up" weak ass excuses. these are the kind of people i have dropped everything for to attend their events, and personally i thought it was rather classless. i was embarrassed for my mom who had counted and budgeted an additional 12 heads, as their entire families had been invited, and i honest to god felt like they stopped giving a shit about me. i was raised differently, my mother would tar and feather me if she ever heard of me behaving like that. i would like to say at least you got a phone call that they bailed, that was more than i got. i have chosen not to sit them down and discuss this at length, but i'm not really making an effort to spend time with them either. for me, ignoring it and carrying on is the best way forward, but carrying on without them as dear friends is how i've chosen to deal with it. if this was a family bbq or something, then i would be the queen of letting things go, but a family event like a wedding, it's not the kind of thing you invite just anybody to. For someone to kind of throw that in your face like that is to me, childish and classless and not a friend. that's just me tho and how i've chosen to go forward with it, as much as it sucks. you dont need to tell her that it hurt you, she obviously knows that, and if she isn't making the effort to fix the wrong that she created, then why should you? you have a best friend, enjoy your life with him and know you can count on him as your rock during those moments in life when you cant count on others. and congratulations!!
I think I'm in love with this post.
Well said! :)
Perhaps they were raised differently too. I'm not sure how many people are raised to go to weddings.
it doesn't have to be a wedding, girl said she was going and flaked at the last minute on a long time friend with no excuse, that's not cool.
Uh, sorry MM.
It's definitely not YOUR responsibility to patch this one up. She pulled some major girl drama surrounding a day that is stressful enough! And, while it's certainly a step in the right direction that she had told other she regrets it, that hardly makes up for the faux pas.
If you are ready to talk about this with her, the most you might be responsible for is passing it back through the grape vine that she's welcome to approach you. I think it's important for her to engage... it proves that your friendship is important to her and that she's able to accept responsibility for her actions.
Congrats on the wedding!
Hey…, think about this. The girl didn’t just wake up one day & said I’m not going. I’m sure her feelings were hurt for awhile over it. Hell, she probably shared it with a friend or two. (Hello…, she is female!) The OP might not have thought she was close enough to be in her wedding, but this girl obviously looked at her that way. She has feelings..., & they were hurt. Please let her fix her mistake. I really think it deserves a conversation & forgiveness. I don’t know…, that’s just how I feel.
(Myst, we are women…, we talk things out. I know it doesn’t make since to you, but that’s what we do.)
I totally AGREE with MM!!!! Let it go! She held a grudge and look what it caused: it made her mess up her relationship with her friend, something she regrets. Now if YOU hold a grudge, what will YOUR actions cause? We all make mistakes, and the fact that she is going around telling mutual friends that she regrets it is her scared attempt to let you know that she feels bad about it. She's probably too scared to actually say that TO you, because what she did was pretty pretty messed up. Be the grown up: put aside your pride, reach out to her, and move on with your lives and friendship in a happy peaceful way.
Wow, what a mean friend!
Just because she couldn't be a bridesmaid is no reason to stress out her friend. She should have helped out and celebrated, not matter where she stood (or sat) for the ceremony.
New Bride, the best thing you can do is move on. If she apologizes to you, then forgive. If not, she wasn't really much of a friend, was she? Wait for her, if she's really a friend, she'll come back.
Seriously people.
The only thing this girl did wrong was RSVP that she would be attending and then not showing up.
I agree with MM. Just pretend like it didnt happen. She feels bad about not going, that should be enough.
I think it is so funny how there is so much focus on weddings. It's NOT about the wedding, it is about the marriage. I dont understand why there is a sudden expectation for people to drop everything and go to a wedding. Take a step back, years of friendship ruined because someone was not asked to participate in an event and deciding not to go to said event because of it. Is that really what matters in the end?
I truly believe in eloping or weddings should be attended by immediate families only. Less drama.
Asker here. Thanks MM (and commenters) for your input. I thought it might be nice to get an outsider's perspective on this because in the past I've been known to forgive far too easily and, as a result, get walked all over a bit. This is the answer I was leaning towards, though.
Thanks again. :)