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A girl cheated and tried to push someone elses baby onto me before it was even born by claiming it mine. What's the proper form of action here? Revenge? Explosions?

Get a court-ordered paternity test if there's even a remote chance you're the father. Once you prove it's not your kid, then just shut it down. Don't talk to her at all and move on.

This is a crappy scenario, but the only solution here that won't make a mess of your life is to prove you have nothing to do with it and then get the hell out. Drama begets drama, and if you don't want that (and you don't), burn the bridges as thoroughly as possible and run like hell.

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