You are not allowed to freak out if a guy hasn't called you in a couple days. And this is for your own good. Close your eyes. Imagine a pony grazing on gum drops. Take little breaths. People get busy. They get distracted. You're not going to wind yourself up over a man not contacting you for two days. Because you're awesome. You deserve to not be perceived as an emotional flibbertigibbet.
It's like the reverse of that "48 Hour" dating rule. You know, the rule that says a guy isn't supposed to call a chick after a date for two days. This is supposed to make the guy seem mysterious, like Zorro. Because, apparently, if you call the day after the date, you're a desperate stalker. I hate dating rules. The heart is wild. The heart is like that kid in that 80's movie who wants to dance, even though the principle won't let anyone dance. Dance, kid, dance! If I get static cling hair from talking to a woman, you can bet I'm going to call her the next day.
But in this instance, invert that silly dating rule. For the sake of your sanity and dignity. Tell yourself that you're just not going to flip over not hearing from a dude for a quarter of a week or so. You have a life, after all. A life that exists outside of this guy.
As for the rest of your question: this man is married. He falls off the radar for a couple days at a time because he's still married. "Going through a divorce" is sort of like "on my way to get the donuts." He doesn't have any donuts, yet. I'm not judging you for dating a man in the midst of a divorce. But you have to be realistic. You're not dating a normal guy with normal baggage. Married men have baggage, luggage, carry-ons, and steamers.
Be realistic. If he's not calling, it's probably because he's fighting, talking, or working things out with his wife. For the time being, there's going to be a sphere of his life you won't be invited into. You're going to have to respect that -- for his good and yours. This is just how it has to be.
If you can't deal, then dump him. Believe me, the divorce is worst, if only because it's not as clean cut as a simple "Yeah, but no. Adios!"
Save yourself the heartache, don't date a married man (or woman). It does not matter if they are separated, either. They are still married. The possibility of them getting back together is too strong. I almost broke my rule for someone once. I am glad I did not because there was a reconciliation. I would have acted ugly. Please do not take this the wrong way. I know most people do not agree. They are still married until it is final. You will be an adulterer. I respect marriage, God and myself to much to date someone that is still married.
This advice came 18 hours too late for me as I sent a text yesterday to a guy I was with last weekend... Please someone tell me - How often can we expect to hear from guys who like us? If we text them, shouldn't they respond??
Um it depends was HE also going through divorce or break up? If not don't sweat it if he doesn't contact within a week count him out he has no interest in you. This has happened to me and many others you'll get over it and find someone else more worth your time.
Also to the question asker: Have your parents gone through a divorce or anyone else you know of? There's LOTS to work out and even more so with longer marriges like custody or visitatons for the kids and pets and such to divvy up that this guy will be busy enough with that alone to not call or say something for awhile.
Plus what are you doing with a guy who isn't fully divorced? Do you Really want to be with a guy who sneaks around with other women when he's already involved with someone else? I wouldn't want to date someone who was willing to do that because if they can do it to them what's to stop them from finding someone else when they are with you? It's not going to be up to you what happens with him and his wife, they might decide to just try and work through this before anything gets finalized and that leaves you where? As the newly viewed whore on the side? Because that's what you'll become in the eyes of anyone who knows of this. Not to mention he'll also be seen as a cheater. Both options of which wouldn't appeal to me I wouldn't want to be known as a side lady/whore/slut/ whatever other mean names to call women who do this nor want to be known as a cheater.
Simply do what John says and give it space. You keep living your life and if you become involved with a great guy who is SINGLE more power to you because yet again what's keeping you with a married man? The ring isn't on YOUR finger so therefore no commitments are really being made.
Plain and simple once I hear someone is dating or married I auto friend zone them and it's called tough shit for them if they want to try using me to cheat on their partner with because I am worth more than that and the drama it causes and so are you. Plus do you WANT to be seen as an ENEMY to other women out there? Most likely not so clean yourself of this mess and all the things that come with it and get yourself a man who has guts enough to either wait til he's single again or find yourself a great guy whom you know is single. Sure the dating world can be dog eat dog but last thing you want to do is have a stigma on you that you are only worth being #2 to a guy instead of #1 and only, and all those lovely names that people snicker at you is also a bad side effect of being a #2. So tell yourself you are worth being #1 and only and if the man isn't gutsy enough to not only make you that but keep you as that he's not worth it.
John; i love you & your advice :)
Yes, thank you so much, Reformed Player. I needed that right now.
I agree to disagree unless ur a mega superstar, u have to be living apart for a year before you can even file for a divorce and then u have to wait another 3 or 4 mths maybe longer if the other spouse disputes anything in the divorce decree. So are you saying that the person shld not date at all for a year and a half until the divorce is final. Sure the divorcee may or may not get back with the spouse that's a game the person is dating is going to have to play. However I dnt thnk the person whose filing for the divorce shld be punished and not date at all because if your telling his now girlfriend that she's a cheater etc then that wld mean he's going to have to be single.
Okay, what if a guy is single but busy (i mean with work) and not frequently call or text you like before (maybe after two months)? How do you deal with that kind of person?
Agh! I hate that. The guy I'm sort of seeing now is like that. He's a grad student, plus owns his own small business, so I know he's crazy busy. But still, it feels like if he reall liked you, he'd find some time. It's frustrating. Hopefully it works out, but it's not lookng too good. It's sad, cause he's a great guy, but too busy to every meet.
oops. ignore the typos. why doesn't this have spell check?
He has probably moved on to the next.The guy is weening himslf away frm you. He's too much of a coward to say it to your face so he just starts not calling or texting as much. If a guy is interested he will make time trust me.
tjoy33- personally I agree with Bleep on some points what would you do IF you were dating the person getting divorced but say 8 months into you two being together they work out the issues with their spouse and you're out in the dust now as either a side deal (which nobody should want to be) or plain and simple you're told to get the eff out of their lives forever so that means you spent 8 months of hoping and time and everything into something that didn't work out. Plus the infedelity COULD be the EXACT reason the divorce is happening, so thanks but no I'd rather live my life let them work through their issues THEN come to me and if I was single at that time ok if not well you know what? Tough cookie for them because I'm not going to get involved with someone who by LAW is still married.
Nautilus- somehow I get the feeling your the question asker... Now honey look I have several friends that if I and they were single at any point (granted it's at the same time not while they are with someone) I'd gladly date them. But while they are with someone I keep my distance and I'm perfectly happy being just freinds because to me being able to have them in my life is better than something that could ruin what makes our friendships special. It takes me time to find people to date roughly 8months to a year between realationships but I keep living my life and doing good for me and next thing I know I have many guys on my case wanting to date me XD with my current bf I'd had a few other guys express interest but I hardly knew them and I knew my now bf from school and it was totally a random thing that got us together! I wanted chips alomst didn't go to the store but went and next thing I knew he was leaving as I was going in we chatted and caught up on life and next thing we knew we have been together 8 months^^ So sweetie pull yourself together, do good for you, learn to love what you enjoy and yourself and who knows a random event may just put you smack on love's path!