An "illusion of separation"?
I think I've heard it all at this point. Look, guys spend a lot of time finding new and creative and ways to convince women that they don't need a title. And a lot of men do this to more or less keep their options open. If we don't have an official title, then I'm not bound by the rules of said title.
You may as well tell your friend that her "boyfriend" doesn't really want to be with her. Sure he probably likes to spend time with her, likes how she does certain things, and loves sleeping with her. But other than that? Dude is enjoying his freedom.
And whether or not she acknowledges it or not, dude has his papers. He's a free man. No title means that he has what he wants and she's confused all to be damned. To break it down even further, he really doesn't want to be with her. It's probably not even her fault, it's all him. They're just not meant to be.
When a man truly finds a woman he wants to be with, there is no hesitation on putting a title on a relationship. He'll run towards it - not away from it. Saying some retarded non-sense like "i'd like to keep an illusion of separation" in a relationship makes no sense. Why would ANYBODY who truly wants to be with you want an illusion OR a separation, much less the allusion of one?
Sorry to say but your friend's "boyfriend" isn't really that. Or at least she's not his girlfriend. Bottom line, any man who's not up for the title despite doing all of the work wants to keep his options as free and clear as possible and will constantly use words like, "having fun". If she wants the boyfriend, she should probably go find another dude.
I'm in a similar situation as this girl with the pseudo-boyfriend. My guy's not into titles either. He knows where I stand on the relationship front but he's hesitant to label things. In his words, we're "dating." If that will progress, time will tell... but how much time do I give this guy?
I'm in the same situation as your friend with the pseudo-boyfriend. My guy's hesitant to put titles on things too. He told me that for all intents and purposes, we're in a relationship. We do everything that goes along with it, he just doesn't like labels and parading it around. *frustrated sigh*
The only title he's given me thus far is that we're dating, and he's made it clear he's not fooling around with anyone else. But this whole casual dating thing is only going to last so long. How much time do y'all think I should give him before I just give up completely on pursuing an actual relationship with him?
I'm in the same situation as your friend with the pseudo-boyfriend. My guy's hesitant to put titles on things too. He told me that for all intents and purposes, we're in a relationship. We do everything that goes along with it, he just doesn't like labels and parading it around. *frustrated sigh*
The only title he's given me thus far is that we're dating, and he's made it clear he's not fooling around with anyone else. But this whole casual dating thing is only going to last so long. How much time do y'all think I should give him before I just give up completely on pursuing an actual relationship with him?
He's probably too embarassed to be called her "boyfriend"
I don't know. From what I know, he's not worth it if he doesn't want to be titled one.
im kind of in the same situation. i was with this guy for 9 months than we broke up but now we're doing everything we did when we were together....nothing changed only the title. i thought maybe after time things would get back to the way they were but i guess not. thanx!
Wow, you're talking about a guy and I just realized that's exactly what I've been doing to a guy. I love my freedom, and I just don't think I'm ready to let go of it, even if I'm a tad interested in a guy.
Does having a boyfriend limit your freedom? I feel as if people who say that aren't doing the whole relationship thing correctly. I've never felt more liberated that when I finally got free of the frankly annoying dating scene.
Unless you mean sexin'. If you're sexin', that's different than a relationship. Everyone has the right to go through a period of sexin'. Hell, George Clooney's been in the same one for thirty years now.
"I feel as if people who say that [titles limit freedom] aren't doing the whole relationship thing correctly. I've never felt more liberated that when I finally got free of the frankly annoying dating scene."
A... to the MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - I thought my boyfriend & I were the only aliens on the planet who felt that way... lol.
I previously dated an "illusionist of separation," for about 5 months and finally came to my senses. Over time I've figured out that no matter how much you like someone, and no matter how much they like you, there are relationship types, and non-relationship types. Unfortunately for those who want commitment, the non-relationship type will always have the upper hand, since everything automatically starts out in their playing field (casual dating). The burden's on us to find out if there will be more later, to ask for more, or to know how long we should wait around, etc. Out the gate, neither type is 'right or wrong' or 'better or worse,' but after a certain point I do think it's wrong to manipulate or lead someone on (like it sounds like he's doing). I agree with Panama... time to bounce.
I'm with freedom; I've been in a non-relationship with a guy for over a year now and I love it. It's working out very well for me, and I don't need to engage in girlfriend behavior to get the perks.
Sounds to me like these guys just want a fuck buddy. Not saying that's a good or bad thing, it works for some and not for others, but both partner's intentions for the relationship should be clear or else someone's gonna get hurt.
gah sorry for the triple post.
Don't sleep with him before you've been dating for at least 3 months. I can pretty much guarantee if you do this, you'll eliminate the "non-relationship" types. I think guys are competitive. If he cares, he'll want you to have a title so you won't move on if someone better comes along :) If he's not worried that you can do better than him that's a baaaaaad sign. If there's no relationship after 3 months, let it go... hard to do but necessary.
And we are also the same situation. I dated with him for 3 months. Basically, we are ex-colleague. We went out just for fun, and really fun. Till once he seems got jealous cos I danced with his friend… after that, we were in hot and cold, in fight and patch up, in up and down. And I know he likes me as he knows I like him too.
He is player. His ex-girlfriend said he was a wonderful boyfriend but impossible to be a good husband, he told me what his ex said abt him. That why he is still single. So maybe he makes me happy, but next 6 months, or maybe less, maybe more, he would make me sad or hurt. And he doesn’t want it happen to very nice person like me. I accept that.
But he just wants us to stay be friend as friend is forever but relationship will lost once break up. And actually thing is he just goes out with only me, no sleeps with others -> he told that.
But if friend, we don’t need to see each other regularly. He still wanna see me, meet me. Except sleeping together because friends don’t sleep together.
So what should I do now???
And we are also the same situation. I dated with him for 3 months. Basically, we are ex-colleague. We went out just for fun, and really fun. Till once he seems got jealous cos I danced with his friend… after that, we were in hot and cold, in fight and patch up, in up and down. And I know he likes me as he knows I like him too.
He is player. His ex-girlfriend said he was a wonderful boyfriend but impossible to be a good husband, he told me what his ex said abt him. That why he is still single. So maybe he makes me happy, but next 6 months, or maybe less, maybe more, he would make me sad or hurt. And he doesn’t want it happen to very nice person like me. I accept that.
But he just wants us to stay be friend as friend is forever but relationship will lost once break up. And actually thing is he just goes out with only me, no sleeps with others -> he told that.
But if friend, we don’t need to see each other regularly. He still wanna see me, meet me. Except sleeping together because friends don’t sleep together.
So what should I do now???
Wow, this topic is eerily close to my situation. I have been with my FWB for about 4 months, how long should I wait for him to commit? His excuse is that he just seperated from his wife and he needs time for himself. But at the same time we do relationship things. We go on dates, we talk everyday, text and console each other through rough times. My problem is how can I cut him off completely if he is my best friend's brother? I will always see him and hear about him.... So confused!!!!!!!!!!!!
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