Finding the answer to this question is much like locating the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, and whatever they were trying to find in The Da Vinci Code.
I don't really think there's any magical way to get that spark back. In fact, I'm not even sure it's possible to attain. The fact is, you don't really want a spark anyway, not to maintain a relationship. No. Long-term relationships need a long burning fire that keeps it warm constantly and continuously fights back when it seems like it's going to be put out.
Plus consider this - sparks come and go. They're just that; quick flashes that make people pay attention but go away making the onlooker wonder where the spark came from and what caused it. Look, we all want that initial "thing" that got us all smitten and goofy. You know that thing that caused you to stay up all hours of the night talking or doing things you'd never consider but it just felt right because of the person you were with. The only problem is that in those initial spark phases, you were both learning one another and the inquiry and curiosity makes everything seem so fun and enjoyable. But what happens when you know somebody's tendencies and reactions before they even do them. Where's the excitement when you and your relationship are predictable and routine.
There's a reason why so many people use the words "spice up your relationship". So many couples try to find that something that excites them again. And I'd wager that some people do rediscover new and interesting things but it requires both people to look for new ways to keep things new and exciting.
You want to know how to keep your boyfriend interested? Hanging from chandeliers, lingerie, and sex toys won't do it necessarily. Showing him how much you appreciate him (assuming he appreciates you, of course) and finding new little ways to show your love will do it. Find some way to help him do something he's always wanted to do. Be apart of the the things that make him happy and I'm sure he'll stay interested. Everybody loves the awesome girlfriend. Trust me.
And try to walk around naked a lot.
Of course, if he's not trying to keep you interested as well then you both will have more issues than you can shake two Peruvian monkeys at.
Preach it brother!
The spark is a fallacy. Work on having a relationship built on mutual respect, admiration, and communication. Work on appreciating the things your partner brings into your life, while maintaining a freestanding life of your own. Cultivate your own happiness.
The spark is just a chemical cocktail, and until they release a pill that makes you feel is again (which they're totally working on I'm serious), you're better off without it. Besides, once all the fluttery bullshit of the first year is out of the way, a deep, calming, sea of love takes over. Plus you get freakier in bed.
"...a deep, calming, sea of love takes over. Plus you get freakier in bed."
So... TRUE! :-O
*^_^
This is in the top 3 reasons for short term relationships, and failed marriages. I have been doing the online dating thing, and it amazes me how many people put chemistry up front. Chemistry is nice, but BS, when you are struggling through money decisions, raising kids, deciding where to go on a trip, and a million other dual committed decisions. In these instances chemistry means nothing. What it can harmfully mean; is that when you are pissed at your lifetime mate, talking to someone else online, flirting with, etc. will sound, and feel better, until you have to get their half of a house payment. It takes maturity, and both sides giving and taking to survive long term. By the way, you are on the road to ruin in your relationship if you look for that buzz all of the time, it is like a drug fix; and you can never get enough until the next high.
Of course, if he's not trying to keep you interested as well then you both will have more issues than you can shake two Peruvian monkeys at.
So what do you do when a large part of you feels like this part is true for you but you cant leave because you are there for the kids. When you are completely dependent on him (read as: cant find a job no matter how hard you try and dont have a car of your own and cant afford a babysitter) to the point of not being able to get out even if you wanted to. You love him and you know he loves you but the relationship is so broken and no matter how hard you try you cant fix it? What do you do then. Because as much as I want to hope that it can be better, I feel like its an endless cycle of anger, resentment, heartache and failure, mixed with a little hope, desperation, hard work and cluelessness. I should also add that there is a 12year age difference and the fact that I got pregnant 2 weeks after meeting him 3 years ago. So that means that he got to be 22 when he was 22 and I dont get to so now Im caught between living my real life as perfectly as I can (which feels fake) and just wanting to be 22.
I wont be surprised not to get an answer to this, it'd be like biting off more than you can chew (I know the feeling). I think I just needed to write it all out, not that it actually helped solve anything. Sorry.
Wow, I must in a bad place when I commented last...I'm happy to report that much has changed since then. It's still not perfect, but no relationship ever is. Sorry for the whiny comment before.
I was 9 months pregers with my third child, when my domestic partner of 10 years cheated on me for the second time(first time while pregers with our second child). Why should we look on keeping them satisfied and fullfilling all there needs? We don't ask for much, just love and trust. Why is it so hard for male to stay with one female. We always have to fix ourselves up and keep our weight down for them to even acknowledge us in the same room. I hope this article actually works for someones dieing relationship. What you need to let your partner know is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you still have to water and mow it........and don't forget to pull the weeds. They should worry about keeping us satisfied. Don't they know it's so much easier for a female to cheat and get laid.....IDIOTS!
I was 9 months pregers with my third child, when my domestic partner of 10 years cheated on me for the second time(first time while pregers with our second child). Why should we look on keeping them satisfied and fullfilling all there needs? We don't ask for much, just love and trust. Why is it so hard for male to stay with one female. We always have to fix ourselves up and keep our weight down for them to even acknowledge us in the same room. I hope this article actually works for someones dieing relationship. What you need to let your partner know is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you still have to water and mow it........and don't forget to pull the weeds. They should worry about keeping us satisfied. Don't they know it's so much easier for a female to cheat and get laid.....IDIOTS!
I was 9 months pregers with my third child, when my domestic partner of 10 years cheated on me for the second time(first time while pregers with our second child). Why should we look on keeping them satisfied and fullfilling all there needs? We don't ask for much, just love and trust. Why is it so hard for male to stay with one female. We always have to fix ourselves up and keep our weight down for them to even acknowledge us in the same room. I hope this article actually works for someones dieing relationship. What you need to let your partner know is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you still have to water and mow it........and don't forget to pull the weeds. They should worry about keeping us satisfied. Don't they know it's so much easier for a female to cheat and get laid.....IDIOTS!
Interesting ideas, many thanks for sharing them in this post.