Woah there kiddo. You just lost me about two sentences in.
You looked hard at yourself, actually did something about what you were unhappy with, and think you need to freaking apologise?!
Not on your life!
I accept dumb questions from the very, very young. They are just learning, and rather foolish. Not from you. You don't say a word about any of this, unless you wish to. Me, I'd shout it from the rooftops, but I am vain about stuff like this, where I took my body and habits and kicked them into the shape I wanted them to be.
You owe no one an explanation. Borrow a rig from BP if you have to, but get that drilled firmly into your mind.
Your body isn't perfect? I know a girl. A catwalk model (It is a cousin, so I have to put up with her). Her constant bitching about how bad her body and skin is drives most listeners, including her mother, into a murderous rage. Stop fussing. You are dating, which means guys are into you.
Guy's really don't give a damn about the past, unless you pop up in a porn film. Just now and the future. Inexperience? They'll assume your previous boyfriends were just really, really bad lovers and feel better in comparison.
Are you happy with yourself? That is the turn on.
You be proud of yourself.
I am, despite never meeting you.
Great advice. I myself, from experience, think most confident guys think confident women r SEXY....if u want a confident man:)...if not than b insecure, you will attract the same.
Ah man - MM has it right on the head on this one.
Show me a perfect person ... just one ... I beg you.
Only the douche guys will see you without clothes and focus on the stretch marks or extra skin. The guys that are worth it won't even notice.
Beautiful answer! I am also in this situation. Spent most of my 20s and 30s overweight and not dating. After a lot of discipline and calorie counting, I worked it all off and felt amazing but was still mortified to have sex again. Not just because of my need for tucks and refills, but also because I was soooo inexperienced and now 40 years old! I decided to go gung ho with someone I liked but knew I wouldn’t fall in love with. (I could sense he was on the same page.) Sounds crazy, but I was so proud of myself for getting over that “hump”. Thanks to that guy, I am no longer inexperienced. But I still feel the need to pre-apologize for my body when starting a new relationship so instead, while talking about all the cool fun fitness stuff I love to do now, I just frankly state that I went through a fat phase, and giggle it off. Fair warning but no drama. We’ve worked hard, right? Now eat it up, girl!
Hello. I asked these questions. First, thank you very much Mystery Man for your advice. It's as awesome as you are, and it was helpful to read in print what I've been trying to tell myself all along. The most difficult part of this whole thing hasn't been losing the weight so much as suddenly having to navigate new social and emotional territory with little experience to draw on. Second, thanks everyone who commented, and especially "hulahuper". It's helpful to know others have gone through the same thing. Cheers everyone.
Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you what you already know.
The change in other peoples reaction to you when you change something in yourself is always baffling, frequently makes you despair of people, and can sometimes be rather frightening.
Dig through the archives, especially Panama's answers. He is good at the social and emotional stuff, and probably has some answers you can use to boost your confidence.
Hello Mystery Man - Me again. Thank you for your additional comments and advice. I felt compelled to write after your other post and very brave confession. I, too, was/am an addict (drugs, cigarettes, food). As you wrote, it's a darkness that never goes away. Also as you noted, it can recede and the weight of it can lighten considerably, which I truly hope it does for you. Best of luck to you.
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