Seriously? I don't mean to be rude, but if this is your biggest complaint about your sex life, you're doing pretty well.
So the guy isn't articulate in his post-coital bliss--is it that important? At least he is acknowledging that he enjoyed the sex, which is preferable to him saying nothing, rolling over and going to sleep, no? I'm also confused--you say he ALWAYS says the same thing, but then with "variations." That means it's not always the same thing. And how would "wow" or "awesome" be any better than "Thank you, that was nice"?
I also have to admit that I don't get the "freebie" thing. His expression of gratitude makes you feel like a ho? Why? Isn't every sexual encounter you two have a freebie? I'm not getting the connection between his "thank you" and your feeling like a prostitute. I don't think he gets it, either, which is why he keeps doing it.
Yes, it's a little awkward to be thanked for sex, but I think it's sweet of him. Clumsy, but sweet. I know that you would probably rather be praised for your hot body and sexual skills, but some people have trouble putting things into words. At least he is trying. But, hey, if you have specific things you would like him to say, tell him. I don't mean words--don't give him a script. Just tell him what kinds of things you would rather hear than "thanks." Just know that by doing so, you run the risk of sounding like someone who gets a gift but complains about the wrapping paper.
Thanks for the question.
Maybe try saying 'thank you' back.
Do you think it would make him feel like gigolo?
I always thank my man when he gives me an orgasm. I always have. It just seems polite. He did this wonderful, fantastic thing for me and I am grateful. I could have done it myself, but that's not nearly as fun. I still thank him for taking me to the movies or making dinner, too.
After a while he started thanking me as well. Sometimes, if he says it first, I tell him it was my pleasure - because it was.
I think that in this case advice from Mom is in order: be gracious and say "you're welcome" and if it really bothers you, ask him not to.
Odd to bring this up here, and one day I see the WA bringing this back up to taunt me ...
But my wife and I both thank each other. Not every time, but most times. It's not a "thanks for letting me get my thrills inside you" type of thing. It's a "thank you for loving me and being with me and allowing me to express myself in the most intimate ways with you" type of thing.
I think it's just nice and considerate. Just as I think guys should help in the clean up process, too. It's just what should be done - respectful.
Nope, no taunting on that. It's a nice thing.
I can't think of many situations where a sincere expression of gratitude is a bad thing.
Aw, I think that's sweet! My guy is the strong, but silent type and I can tell you, I wish he was more verbal sometimes. I understand from his happily-frozen-in-space face that he thought the sex was good, but sometimes a little articulation goes a long way to making you feel special. So don't complain, at least he's letting you know.
Take his appreciation & run with it, baby girl. (people never seize to amaze me)
Maybe that is all he is comfortable saying? For example I have 0% talent at dirty talk. I say something like "That felt great." Just within my comfort zone. Not sure why it makes you uncomfortable. I'd rather have a clumsy thak you than just falling asleep.
This was my question. The reasoning behind that making me feel uncomfortable has more to do with horrible past sexual experiences where similar words were used, but the intention behind them was far from sweet. I know my current boyfriend it expressing genuine appreciation, but I have told him about this experience and why that particular way of phrasing it makes me uncomfortable. I really don't care what words he uses with the exception of those. My question was more along the lines of wondering if he forgets my request in the face of orgasm, or if he, maybe, doesn't quite understand how seemingly innocuous words can hurt. Character limits on questions don't always allow for specific clarification. Thanks for the response.
Yikes. Okay, well, that changes things a bit. If he knows why you don't like those particular words and continues to say them, he needs to stop. I don't know why he would keep doing it unless he simply forgets. Few people would deliberately torture you with such a thing. I think he's probably just blissed out. Maybe a reminder is in order? How many times have you told him already?
My apologies for not fully understanding the situation.
I've only mentioned it a couple of times. I don't want him to think that I'm associating what I'm doing with him, with something that's so negative. I don't want him to think that his actions are making me feel this way. That particular turn of phrase, when used after sex, just conjures up memories that I don't want to be thinking about when I'm with him. I'm going to talk to him again about it, outside of the bedroom and not associated with sex and remind him.
I can see how my initial question came across. Thank you for "listening" to my explanation. You've helped.
Wow - takes on a whole new light.
My wife was in a very abusive relationship before ours. There's some very strong triggers that really make her ... mmm.... flashback? that's about the only term I can think of right now.
We try very hard to communicate with each other exactly those types of things and very directly. This person always did XYZ right before he tried to hit me, so please don't say/do XYZ... ever"
I have my bad past relationship as well... so I think you're WAY on the way to good things - just continue to be open and honest and remind him if need be. It sounds like he's a nice guy... LMAO - this just popped in my head: After you have your "please don't say it like this anymore - maybe say blah blah, that would make me feel better" the next time you two make love give him a giant smile grab his face and say, "Ok - now what do we say?" and laugh it away.
just a thought.
You are right though, to say that if this is the biggest problem, we're doing pretty well... I'm not ungrateful, just unsure how to NOT come across like someone "'complaining about the wrapping paper"
my bf always (8/10 times) says "that was fun" lmao...i'd take a "thank you"
Hmmm, I am not sure I agree with what's being posted here.
To me, "Thank you" is like, so Informal. Polite, but Informal, Like someone you don't know. "here's a glass of water".....Thank you, "Here's your lunch"....Thank you...etc.
when I am with my man, it's like, "that was great, that was fun, omg, that felt so good"...and stuff like that.
"Thank you that was nice" is just too drab sounding. Is he that way with other compliments?
I think it depends on the situation and how it's said. The way I would say "Thank you" to someone for a glass of water is a lot different than how I would say it to someone who saved my child from a burning building. If you had sex with a man who never thanked anyone for anything but thanked you for sex, it would make an impression.
I think it's better than what my BF tells me, "therrre you go!", which always makes me laugh!
My bf once said Thank you after I have him a BJ while driving!! Reminded me of that movie She's out of your league - which applies to my case!