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An ex from two years ago recently tried to "be my friend again" even though I'm currently taken and live four states away. I told him I have no desire to stay in touch. He got pissy and told me I'd never learn anything in life if that's how I handle my problems. Am I being immature for wanting to stay disconnected?

No, you are being wise. We've had a lot of discussion here lately about staying friends with an ex; I know it can work, but I also know that it usually doesn't. I remain a fan of clean breaks.

I was going to ask you how he wanted to be friends, exactly--Facebook? E-mail? Phone calls?--and if it was an ugly, unresolved breakup. But none of that really matters. If you have no desire to be friends with him, then you did the right thing. I don't know what he thinks you will learn by being friends again, but I know that doing so has a lot more potential to cause you trouble than to enrich your life. For starters, your current guy might not like it, so why risk today's relationship on something that was over two years ago?

If you wanted to be friends with him again, this would be a different conversation, but the fact that you have zero interest makes this a no-brainer. That ship has sailed. If he can't see that, then he's the immature one, not you.

Thanks for the question.

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10 Comments

user-pic

I love her so much an i feel god put us together but she want reply at all i feel that im doing god wrong

Cary McNeal

I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.

Tariana

I didn't get this... :(

Tariana

Then again, maybe I don't have to. :D

user-pic

What?

user-pic

Perhaps he was contacting you for a reason - something to do with steps, feeling compelled to apologize or explain or wanting clarification about something between you, etc. or just wanting to able to keep in touch with you. If he meant something to you, you would want to hear him out and find out. This is between you and him - trust your instincts and have nothing more to do with him...

user-pic

I'm rather glad this question got answered. =) I had a similiar situation where I just wanted to cut ties with my ex and he wanted to be friends. Same sort of thing he called me immature and called me a bitch for not wanting to stay in contact.

Great job answering. =) It's good to have another affirmation that, no, that isn't being immature.

user-pic

it was an unresolved breakup. We moved away from each other because of school/job, and I was doing all the staying in touch (phone, facebook, email). When I called and asked him about calling me more often (than never), he said that he just wanted me to call him once a week because he hated the phone, and btw he was doing a month long job in a different state and wouldn't be able to stay in touch at all until he got back. So a week later I sent him a lengthy letter (via snail mail) saying it'd been real but peace. I figured out after the fact that he was stringing me along and I felt played. If he wanted me in his life, then he should have acted like it two years ago. He's been emailing me recently, but after his latest pearl of wisdom I rerouted him to trash.

user-pic

Yeah, he sounds like a toolbox. Slam the lid on this one.

Tariana

"I figured out after the fact that he was stringing me along and I felt played. If he wanted me in his life, then he should have acted like it two years ago." ---> I just love those moments when we women finally get it. :)

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