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An old bf found me online, I was his first back in the day & he started sending me flirty emails about his current life. He keeps asking me out for coffee, even though he knows I am married. Should I be concerned that he will try to make some "move"?

Yes, you should definitely be concerned that he will make a move. Because that's what he's doing. He's making a move. He wants to remind you of that old magic, draw you away from your husband and put the moves on you. Why else would he be contacting you and bragging about his life?

I suppose there's a chance that he just wants to be friends. A slim, slim chance. More likely, he hopes that "coffee" will turn into more coffee, then a casual drink and eventually you're at a sleazy motel, the kind that only rents by the hour that you see in every bad cop show but barely exists anymore. I'm not saying you're going to cheat-- I'm saying he wants you to cheat (and possibly end your marriage for him.) The fact that you were his "first," and he's sending you flirty e-mails, only adds to my suspicion. Every guy still has a soft spot for his first, and at the very least, he wants to see if that old spark is still there. Also, the fact that he took the time to find you online is a pretty good indication of his intentions. He probably isn't looking to just swap recipes or something.

What's the best case scenario that could come from this? You meet for coffee, become pals, he meets your husband. Then one day you're all hanging out, and he lets slip about the time you took his "v-card." Your husband probably isn't going to be okay with you hanging out with an ex-boyfriend, even one from "back in the day."

My advice is to write him back politely, stress that you're married and wish him well. Unless you actually have feelings for this guy, and want to risk your marriage for him, it's better to leave the past in the past. Just like parachute pants.    
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5 Comments

user-pic

Good answer. No good can come of this, when it's obvious from the outside looking in that his intentions are shady.

p0eticprincess

I truly believe parachute pants are making a comeback. Just wait for it.

Nick Nadel

Fair enough. Just as long as Vanilla Ice doesn't come back.

MKatyCee

AGREED with all the comments. He wants a comeback, and he thinks he's going to make that on you.

It takes a little clarification, you know. E-mail and ask what tha eff is he trying to do -- but in a nice way, of course.

thedadman

It is incredibly rare to find a male who wants multiple friends who are female. Do not be hat'n, but we are wired differently. Stereo types are based on reality. I do not know many females who like, and or participate in male crotch jokes, and teasing. Most seem repulsed. He is looking to hook up with you period. If you allow yourself to go down this road, you are opening a door that is "Danger Will Robinson." If I were your husband, I would at least be curious about your intentions (not jealous) but concerned. Go find a girlfriend to do things with. Tell this guy that the past was fun, but that is the past, and quite frankly flirting with a married/commited/exclusive person is crossing so many bad lines. There are plenty of single/available people out there, stop f'ing with someones marriage please.

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