You're not alone. I see a lot of men doing stuff like that -- walking ahead of their dates, going first to a restaurant table or into a row of seats, walking through doors first instead of holding them open for women -- and to me it's just rude, disrespectful and a sign of low class and poor upbringing. Call me old-fashioned. I won't disagree. I might tell you to mind your own business, but I won't disagree.
When did etiquette stop being important? I'm not talking about outdated stuff like standing up when a woman enters the room or removing your top hat in the presence of a lady, but simple, basic courtesy. Have we really become this lazy? Or do we just not care anymore?
When I was growing up, we had a worn hardback copy of Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book Of Etiquette that my parents kept handy. When any question of manners came up, they'd make me or one of my sisters look it up in the book. They were sticklers about manners, and although it wasn't always fun as a kid, I was grateful as an adult for their example.
But enough about me; let's talk about you. Your husband is being rude. Period. Unless he has diarrhea or spots a Free Beer stand, there's no good reason for him to run ahead of you. Other than the fact that he's a dope, I mean.
Since you've already asked him to stop and he won't, how about this: the next time he walks ahead, stop. Just stop. Let him keep on truckin' while you sit down or go into a store or find the nearest bar and start doing Jello shots. When he realizes you're not there, he'll have to come back and find you. When he does, say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't sure you wanted me to come along. You were in a hurry and I didn't want to slow you down." Do this every time until he gets the message and stops leaving you behind.
Nothing will change until you stop following him. So stop following him.
Haha. Appropriate advice. That's how I trained my dog to walk beside me on a leash! Everytime she pulls ahead I stopped and waited until she came back. Works like a charm! I'm sure it works for all sorts of dogs, canine and otherwise;)
Awesome reply!
Great advice! My exboyfriend did that sort of thing all the time! I would barely be getting out of the car and he would already be walking inside his apartment, my house, the restaurant, etc. He always acted like he was on a mission. Sometimes I would just stay in my car until he came back for me.
I think our society has warped into a blurry gender mess with proper manners being collateral damage. I may get nailed for saying this, but I think it stems from the women's movement "Treat me like a man" type attitude and the men are doing just that - across all lines.
When I was younger I stepped onto an elevator and came face to face with Tom Landy (yes, the real Tom Landry of the Dallas Cowboys) and the moment he saw me, he removed that famous hat from his head and stuck out his arm to make sure the elevator door didn't hit me. He even asked me which floor and pushed the button for me. Total class act!
Loved the suggestion to make him realize his insensitivity. I hope the QA gives it a try.
Women don't have a "treat me like a man" movement. They have a "treat me like a person" movement. Unfortunately, this has led a lot of people to believe that instead of everyone treating everyone courteously, we'll all just treat each other badly instead.
It's nothing to do with the feminist movement, not really. I'm a mahoosive feminist, but I love a bit of courtesy, from anyone, regardless of gender. :)
I really miss the days when good manners were considered important. Excellent answer.
My husband does this to me sometimes too, but usually only in places he hates going, like the mall or on college campus (where I work), or when we're going to a barbecue joint... he loves bbq.
But seriously, you want to talk about manners... women can be some of the most wicked and ungrateful people I run into (at least in the SW). Ugh. It comes as second nature for me to smile at people when/if we make eye contact and sometimes you'd think I just told them they look like a hippopotamus.
And sometimes women with children can be standoffish, I mean if I'm in a line somewhere and your kid is dancing around the queue stand while singing a song (begging for attention) and I smile and say how cute they are does not mean I want to kidnap your child and put them in my basement (if I had one).
Let's see if I can finally leave a comment...
I take this as more than just bad manners. It's hurtful and beyond decent. If my husband walked ahead of me in the street, and did so repeatedly, I would probably cry. There's rude and then there's making me feel like you don't want to be with me, walk with me, talk to me. He's gotta stop that.
It's horribly rude and inconsiderate.
I'm used to fast paced work / walk environment so when I get around my wife I have to make an effort to just stroll and get get into "work mode" as she calls it. Usually I over compensate and she tells me to hurry up... but that's another story.
I walk with my wife because I enjoy her company - that part is completely selfish. But I also consider it my duty to walk with and protect her from anything that she may need protecting from. Rawr burly man! Haha.
I agree with Melissa, this guy's a tool. I would give a guy hell for leaving me in the dust like that; I doubt he'd do it more than once. ;)
And yes, manners are essential. I consider teaching my sons their manners to be one of my main duties as a mother!
My last bf used to do this to me all the time. He'd walk far ahead of me, and when I told him to slow down (nicely), he acted like it was my fault I couldn't keep up with him. Turned out, he had a lot of anger and control issues. He couldn't respect me because he couldn't respect himself.
This isn't very respectful behavior, pure and simple. Cary is totally right.
My boyfriend is generally lovely - he really is..
but when he does this I can't help but feel like a veiled Afghan woman with a plight on my hands, dutifully walking behind my husband. All I would need is a ninja 'get up' and a handful of children and I SWEAR I could pass as an oppressed woman in South Central Asia.
Once, on the way to the dvd rental shop, my BF actually started to take off in a SLOW JOG. Thinking he was just feeling a bit lively I decided to put a few inches to my step...but when I realised there was no slowing him down I just stopped in the street.. and when I realised that he wasn't even checking to see if I was behind him, well I just thought 'what a F***ing c***sucker", turned on my heel and walked home.
Which pissed him off massively because I had the membership card AND the money.
HA!!!!!
It could also be a cultural thing, My ex used to do that and he came from a traditional middle eastern family. At first I tried to tell myself I didn't care, but it spoke of his lack of respect or care for me. I broke up with him and am with a guy that is the complete opposite and it really does speak to how he feels about women in general and how he feels about Me.
I don't think this is a question of him not being a gentlemen, he has no manners and you need to teach him some. It is rude for him to do that, as it would be rude if you did the same thing. Would he do that with his grandmother? Probably, and that's the problem.
My ex used to do that, among other things. He would, for example, leave the table to go sit on the computer while I was still eating. I asked him if he did that at home when he was a kid, and surprise surprise, he did. So I sat him down and taught him some things. When I dumped his ass later on he was so much better...
It is so rude and arguably a cultural thing too. My ex used to do that... I asked him to stop and wait politely sooo many times, but he would never do it. Eventually I got fed up that's why he is my -ex haha
He does not wait because he is selfish, has anger issues and can't respect you or himself...
I recently went on a trip with my husband , his father and his step mother . She would not walk beside us but rather 25 yards ahead of us .I am just out of a cast from transplant surgery on my leg and foot so I am no speed ball at the moment and my father in law has back problems.I am 5 foot 2 inches , my husband is 6 foot 2 inches as is my father in law , so the guy's are tall and could get way from me easily ...My step mother in law is only 5 foot 3 inches so for her to get that far ahead takes lots of effort to speed walk. My father in law could not keep up because his back was killing him and he started to really fall behind. My husband and I slowed our pace so his father was not left behind but my mother in law just kept on walking getting farther ahead never even bothering to check on him....Finally I called out to her and she said she couldn't walk at his pace it was just to slow.I would have loved to smack her in the back of the head.....Do you think she was rude to do that ?
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hahha I agree