Tough one, this. You don't need my permission, since right and wrong in this particular case is totally between you, him and God. Check out Romans 14:23 for details - the NLT has the clearest statement.
You are in a stable, long term relationship with plans for the future and haven't seen each other for months. Yes, you probably will get carried away. You will feel guilty afterwards too.
One thing I will suggest though: wait a little bit if you can. People change when they are apart for a while, and you'll have to relearn each other all over again, meaning the first time you meet up when he returns will be pretty much a first date. And getting carried away on the first date is a bit tacky.
To my mind, there is no wrong here at all, as there is no intent to fornicate. You are simply being with your future husband, something that Paul, the woman hater who wrote most of the Epistles, disapproved of. Your pastor may disagree, depending on if (s)he is a fan of First Corinthians or not.
Tricky indeed - this answer took me nearly 2 hours and 9 drafts to write. And I'll still get told off in the comments!
No, I think this was just the right response for the situation :)
I agree, good answer... well as good as one can be if you respect the beliefs of christians... but I'm not getting into a religious debate lol
Well, I WILL say that plans to get married in 4-7 YEARS might be... unrealistic? That's a long time to date, much less to hold out on something you're already worried about caving on.
That said, waiting to see if either one of you has changed during your time apart is great advice! My (very Christian) cousin just got out of a relationship with a military man. She gave it all away, and then they broke up when he came home. It's been 2 years, but she's still devastated.
Good luck...
"she gave it all away"... I hope you are talking about your Christian cousin's feelings and hopes for the future, and not sex or her virginity.
I think it's an excellent answer that respects the asker, and for that I thank you.
I'm curious as to the age of the asker....I was in high school and with my boyfriend of over a year with plans to get married when I lost it......and though we were as in love as two high schoolers can be, things just did not end up working out.
For us to be able to experience life to the fullest, we need to be able to override the logic of religions.
And MM, this was an awesome answer. ;)
I'm with Isabel, I'm curious how old you are. If you're still a teen, I would wait. However, if you're older, here's my thoughts...
As a Christian myself, I had the same struggle. What helped me decide was when I thought about why was I waiting? Was it because I truly felt it was important to wait until I was married or because I was told it was the right thing to do. Ultimately I realized that for me personally it was not a defining decision as to whether or not I was a good Christian. I made the decision at the age of 21 and I by no means took it lightly. Plus, I didn't just jump the first second I thought I was ready. I made sure that feeling stuck for a long time before I jumped into something I couldn't take back.
Look in to how you really feel personally. If it is important for you to wait then by all means don't rush. You both have your whole lives ahead of you to take that step. Waiting can only make it better! :)
I agree, I think this was a great answer to a pressing question. I would urge the asker to think of 2 things before she makes her decision:
1) Whether you get married or not, would you regret not having sex with your partner 5 years from now?
2) Depending on the amount of time that he is home, how would you feel if he had to leave shortly after you two made love?
I know this is a tough situation, my fiance and I have been together for 4 years, we're both Christian and he is in the Navy so I don't see him nearly as much as I'd like. We discussed it and eventually decided that contemporary marriage is not the same as biblical marriage then. He's the guy I intend to spend my life with, who I've devoted myself to and will marry in the sight of God, by a biblical view, we are "married," just not yet legally.
This is a very good way of viewing it. You are married in the sight of God, just not in the sight of man.
Very interesting way of putting it, Kate. I've never thought of the disconnect between biblical marriage and contemporary marriage (which tends to be more temporary than anything in this day and age). I'll give this some thought in future relationships.
I'm in the very very same situation! I'm 22 (bf is 23) and we do long distance for almost a year, he lives 3 hours away. We see each other most weekends. He's not thrilled on waiting but loves me enough to. We don't plan on getting married for at least 2 years. I had very unrealistic ideas of how the realtionship would go. I thought we would just kiss and that would be totally fine. Wrong. We would make a line and that line just kept getting crossed. Now we are doing oral. First 3 times I cried afterwards. But I think if u don't feel bad about it then its ok. It keeps us sexual satisfied while not really having sex. Now that I don't feel gulity I think its best for our relationship.
Mm has it right! Wait! At least 6 months after he comes back people do change and if he pressures you at all to do anything u are not ready for leave. Also make sure marriage is really in the picture. have a timeline.
MM, you impress me. Kudos.
I think that this should be handled as a matter of conviction. Lots of people claim to believe in the same Jesus and yet live thier lives in very different ways and all believe they're going to end up in heaven. They try not to break the main 10 commandments but then rely on conviction for the smaller issues. For example: some people dress in whatever while others choose to wear skirts to represent thier modesty. Thus if the writer spends some time in prayer and the Bible and decides that she does not feel convicted about choosing to have sex before marriage biblically and she is emotionally ready to have sex she should, if not she shouldn't.
If you do - safe sex please. (Mrs MM)
I too am curious as to why they want to wait 4-7 years to get married if they think they're right for each other. Do they not have enough money, or are they waiting to finish school? I will say this because military men spend a lot of time away from their wives and girlfriends there is a culture of infidelity that is much more prevalent in the military than among civilians. Not saying your dude is involved in it but it is something to consider if fidelity is a major concern for you.
infidelity is everywhere - it has NOTHING to do with the fact that a person is in the military.... i was in the military and my boyfriend (a civilian) cheated on me when i was NOT deployed, but 15 minutes away - so that is a VERY rude assumption to make.
infidelity is everywhere - it has NOTHING to do with the fact that a person is in the military.... i was in the military and my boyfriend (a civilian) cheated on me when i was NOT deployed, but 15 minutes away - so that is a VERY rude assumption to make.