Call me crazy, but I'd rather deal with a person who does crappy things (words changed for the kiddies) and admits it without wanting to change to somebody who wasn't aware.
In fact, in general, give me the self-aware person over the oblivious person 24-hours a day/7 days a week. Why? Because the self-aware dbag COULD change on their own, they're just chosing not to. My guess is that they know they're being obnoxious but that's just part of their personality and they also know when to turn it off. Maybe they never do and yes that is a problem but at least they can acknowledge when they're being a douche.
A person who has no idea is worse than anything else because not only will they do crappy stuff they will also defend their crappy stuff under the guise of not believing that they're doing crappy stuff. How could they be if their intent is never to do anything crappy? They believe intent trumps the result. So sure, they shot you in the knee but they didn't mean too so you can't be mad. And while I believe in intent, you can't just forgive everything when somebody refuses to acknowledge that they did anything wrong due to obliviousness.
But let me also say this...if these are your only two choices of men to choose from...you need to expand your pool. Pronto.
Ha, thank you! I'm actually only dealing with one: the kind that does crappy things and admits it without wanting to change... and thinks it's all okay because he's being "honest". And I don't think it is.... RIGHT?!
Thank you for the answer.
it's more a "I know I'm selfish" kind of thing, and I keep telling him he wasn't born selfish and can change....
I dated this type before; he would tell me 'well I was brought up this way and this is how things are done but sorry this is hurting your feelings', sort of deal. My philosophy is that when you meet someone and want to be in a true relationship, you will want to be there for that person and do whatever it is to make their lives easier. The give and take need to be equal as much as possible. Granted there will be times when one will need the other more but his inability to want to give in and try to do things your way once in awhile not only show his insensitivity towards you as a person, but it's also saying 'I don't respect you enough for me to change and make this relationship work for us'. As soon as you start to question his actions with 'should I be treated like this' this is your gut telling you that there is something wrong. No matter what the case is, never change your values or morals for someone to make it work because in the end you're not the real you and there is someone out there who will want to be with you for your values and morals. It's a tough bullet to swallow but in the end you will be a stronger person and will know when these types come around for the next time.