GTFO.
This is a perfect example of why I think clean breaks are necessary when a romantic relationship ends. The people who dump us always want to remain friends, but I think that's more about their guilt than anything else. It rarely works; you can't just switch gears from being lovers to being friends at the drop of a hat. It's not that easy. Old feelings remain, as we see with your jealousy of his new girlfriend and his hurt reaction to your de-friending him, and the relationship remains muddy and messy as long as you are in each other's lives.
He dumped you. You should be moving on with your life like he has, not still having misunderstandings and fights with a guy who isn't even your boyfriend anymore. You need time and space to get over the breakup, to become whole and confident and start dating again. That will never happen as long as you have an attachment to him. You will never be fully free to pursue and invest yourself emotionally in new relationships as long as he is still in the picture.
Also, having him in your life might scare off potential future mates. We already know what his New Girl thinks about your friendship.
It's noble to try to remain friends, and, yes, some people can pull it off, but they are the exceptions. Your relationship is over. When a tree dies, you don't cut off the branches but leave the dead trunk behind in hopes that it might sprout new growth. It won't. All you'll have is a big dead tree trunk to remind you of what might have been, but wasn't. Cut it down--all of it--and plant something new in its place.
Thanks for the question.
What if, after a break up, he asks to be friends and you deny, and you both move on. Then after 6 or 7 months he pops back in your life and you start to talk again?
It feels good for me, now that I no longer have feelings for him and I'm even dating someone else, and it's really nice to talk to him.
But can we actually be just friends?
I guess time will tell, won't it? I do think friendship with an ex stands a better chance of working out once your are emotionally recovered from each other, but it's still dicey. It's hard to shake your history, especially the unpleasant history that led to your breakup.
That's all true. Thanks for the answer, Cary. I really appreciate it. I kind of really want it to work, for some reason. I guess you're right, we'll see how it goes.
You are welcome. I hope it works out the way you want.
“He dumped you.”
Game over! It’s a wrap! Cary is right, that’s guilt on his part. Why would you WANT to torment yourself watching him with the new GF? Go get some happy of your own.
Girl needs to get a new life cause Boy has one...
the dude is with another person and collectively they are now making your life miserable. it's your life. choose to be happy another way, or choose to let them continue making you miserable. do not backtrack down a road that is making someone else happier than you. front track on your own journey of joy. as hard as it is, it's only the first few steps that are actually tough. good luck!
...Why did New Girl flip shit? Wtf? Isn't their friendship kind of none of her business? Uggghhh, drama.
I would say any intimate friendships with females of one's boyfriend ARE one's business.
OP here. Thank you for the straight dope, W-A. Knew I picked the right one :)
I'm beginning to see how trying to be friends with me is a way to silence his guilt. If I tried to be friends with him again, I'd be doing it out of guilt for hurting him. Guilt is no reason for friendship.
There IS another guy I've started seeing, and the constant looking back over my shoulder was too much. It hurts to cut him off, but I think I'm doing the right thing.
Thanks for your reply.
Glad I could help. Good luck with the new guy.
There is a reason he became your ex and not your friend when you met this guy. Do yourself a favor and do a clean break. IF you decide to let him back in as your friend, do it a year or longer from now. That gives you time to figure out what you want in your life and it may not include him at all in any capacity. ;)