Standards are a weird thing. Some guys just aren't threatened by the idea of their girlfriends sleeping with women because they find it kind of hot, and because they're convinced that you'll never leave them for a woman. But you might leave him for another guy.
It's weird, but what can you do? It's worth noting, though, that he thinks he's OK with it. Putting this to the test might yield a much different result.
I've always thought that "standards" like that are indicative that deep down that guy doesn't view women are "real people"... but I'm probably just sensitive and over-analyzing.
I don't think you're reading into it too much.. I agree!
Or it's possible he just believe his girlfriend has a curiosity towards women, or maybe just gets off on being with another woman but isn't interested in a relationship with another woman.
I mean my girlfriend has brought this up to me before and I made it clear that guy or girl I'm not gonna have that because to me you simply don't go around screwing other people when you're in a relationship, it's that simple.
However I can honestly say if she came to me and said she slept with another guy, that would no doubt end things. Whereas if she said she slept with a girl that might not happen. Not because I don't see women as being people but rather because I know her well enough to know she doesn't want a relationship with a woman, and if she did that she just gave into a curiosity. That and because I am not a woman so she can't do with me what she'd do with another woman, whereas if it were a guy my biggest beef would be with the fact that I've got all the working parts he does so why did you have to go elsewhere?
Conceit, insecurity and misogyny. But mostly insecurity.
Insecurity because he thinks deep down, other men are better lovers than him. Way down in his mind, beneath all his macho bluster, he realizes the very real possibility another man could please you better than he can. Also scared of competing with other men.
Conceit, because he thinks so highly of himself, if you sleep with another woman, he automatically assumes he's such a man that you'll both want him in a threesome.
Misogyny because he thinks because he is a man, no woman can give you near the same sexual pleasure as him, by virtue of them being women and he being a man. If a woman did give you this explosive sex, he'd probably curl up in the fetal position and cry (I'd be asking her for some tips).
Or none of the above. His gf is attracted to men. Anything with another woman is just a fling. So it is not conceit or misogyny, he doesn't need to worry about women because his gf doesn't form romantic relationships with women.
I don't think men who are secure in their relationships are fine with their partners sleeping with other men either. So you can't draw any conclusions about insecurity either.
I agree with Mr. X actually. I know why too many guys who are quick to say 'yeah I'm cool with you being with another girl' because they want to watch. They assume that by saying it, it equals to threesome (and I've asked them all and got the same answer. Which is 'Hell YES THREESOME!!') and that they'll be involved somehow. And sure, it may never happen if she isn't into girls, but that's not the point. We don't know if she was the one whoa sked if it was cool to asleep with another girl or if this was something her vomited out randomly. So all the things Mr. X said it true because that IS what goes through a guy's head.
But a guy is something altogether different. I had a married friend who wanted to have a threesome with her hubby and another guy. He threw the biggest fit and said the ONLY way it's happening is if it's two girls. It's a power play of sorts. The guy is insecure about himself and having another guy who could show her what she's missing is always a possibility. And it drives the dude crazy. Because most guys (not all, thank the stars) believe they're king of the castle in a relationship and while they're perfect and allowed to do as they please, they like to assert some level of control over their partner. It's fear, pure and simple.
Right now, the OP's 'bf' (term used loosely) views her vag as his own private territory. It's his, it belongs to him and if some other dude got to it, it's contaminated. Like if someone, say, keyed his favorite car or something. It's kinda the same thing. I know some guys say this as a 'joke' but for me, it's a flag and something to be careful of. Cause him saying it's okay may mean that sometime in the future, he's gonna try to bring up the subject of a threesome and say it's fine cause he doesn't care since it's two girls. Just be careful
Still doesn't fly with me. My gf already knows what she's missing, if there is anything of that sort. I'm not her first. So if she's going to leave me for someone else purely because of sex, she doesn't actually need to have sex with someone else to reach that realization. Sex isn't some magic device that suddenly reveals all the issues you have with someone else that apparently also magically, you didn't know existed until that moment.
The rationale is simple. To most guys, a hetero woman can't cheat with another woman. It's not that they think they are that much better than women, it's more the see it as a fact of life, like 1 + 1 = 2.
My boyfriend says the same thing. I questioned if I wanted to date another girl, how would he feel, and he said "whatever, that's cool". WTF dudes?
it definitely stems from the idea that another girl could never come close to being a threat or competition to him like another guy could... because he's better than all the women in the world of course
It might stem from the idea that a woman could never be a threat as everyone else has been saying, but not necessarily because he thinks he's the be-all and end-all in bed. I'm bisexual, and my boyfriend is at least theoretically ok with the idea of my hooking up with a woman as long as I tell him first so that he can process it. This is because I get something different from women than I do from men, and he can't fill the niche a female lover would fill in my life. (I don't have one-night stands; if I'm going to hook up it's going to be at least a fwb situation.) However, the fact that we're in a relationship means that he should be able to emotionally and physically give me what I need in a male lover, so my sleeping with another man would be a problem. In short, it may be more about the different emotional roles involved than the sex itself or a sense of superiority.
IMO, if one person can't totally give you what you need emotionally and physically, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
Seems wrong to me. Basically you're saying you get horny for a woman, tell your boyfriend and he lets you go sleep with them? Sounds like your using him. I think if you truly respect someone you wouldn't wanna mess around on them like that, whether they know or not.