Yes. They can. There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension, but platonic is perfectly possible and rather pleasurable.
And your friends are not in the relationship - you are. If you trust him, you trust him. Full stop, end of story. He knows you trust him, right? And the exact bits he'll be missing if he betrays your trust in thought or deed? Then you are fine.
For me personally, its really really really hard to be friends with men and keep it "platonic". Unless they are gay and/or really ugly or fat.
Unless they have gfs/wives! I am not a homewrecker and I have no desire to be on an episode of cheaters or snapped. I control myself. Somewhat.
I am not saying that men and women cant be friends platonically but solely because you live in different cites I would feel extremely uncomfortable. How much is a few? If she is seeing him more than you are.. I would be wary of this "friendship". Maybe you trust him, but this girl could have a completely different agenda. Be careful.
I agree with Mx. Since this is a long-distance relationship, it would be very easy for this girl to worm her way in; indeed, two of the guys I know here at college have broken up with their long-distance gfs in order to be with their "platonic" female friends. It's normal since now that they're not getting the same amount of attention from their gfs, they seek it elsewhere, in the form of their female "friends" who are more than willing to give it to them. I'm not saying every guy and every relationship is like that, but if I were you, I'd want to meet this friend of his to remind her of what she could potentially be messing with. Also, maintaining frequent communication with your bf is important too, so he doesn't need to go looking for that attention elsewhere.
I'm also of the belief that men and women can't be CLOSE, platonic friends. With every one of my guy friends, one of us has been interested in the other at some point in time. If neither of you are hideously ugly (or sometimes even if you are), the mere fact that you guys are different sexes will mean there will always be sexual tension.
Thanks guys for your opinions, I asked this question. I totally trust my boyfriend, but do not trust this girl at all. I think she has ulterior motives...from the stories he tells me. I seem to pick up on things he doesn't. I feel that this is more of an issue because we are long-distance and I don't get to see him as much as I would like.
This must be very hard for you. I am also in a long distance relationship and I think if my boyfriend were to suddenly acquire a new female friend I would feel a little bit betrayed? Even though we both have mutual friends of the opposite sex who we hang out with together, luckily we have avoided such situations like yours. We have a mutual respect about this kina thing and I know he would feel VERY uncomfortable if I started hanging out with a new guy friend especially since we live so far away and vice versa. How do you think your boyfriend would feel if the tables were turned? Lena I see what you mean, and I have also seen this happen. I think if you are in a committed relationship - spending a significant amount of ALONE time with a person of the opposite sex is a little odd. I would defintiely question a guys motives if he suddenly wanted to start spending alot of time with another woman alone - without me.You need to meet her and also speak to your man, otherwise your imagination will run wild. It is a difficult one to approach, because you don't want to send the message that you distrust him. Maybe you should seek advice on the best way to approach this with both your boyfriend and this girl? Mystery Man?
Mx,
Good call.
gbizz,
Long distance relationships are never easy things to handle at the best of times. The important thing I picked up from your question was more about your friends giving you doubts, than you having doubts about him of your own.
Doubt is a very corrosive thing for a relationship. It can poison the closest, tightest couple you have seen in a couple of weeks. Combined with missing him - well, you'd have your work cut out for you to keep this going.
Talk to him. Admit to him how much you miss him, and that you do worry. Trust me - he'll be thinking a lot of the same things about you being alone in a different city with a lot of men about on the prowl.
And, though it goes against the grain,
Good luck.
Yeah I've talked to him about it and asked him how he would feel if I were to hang out with a guy alone all the time who he thought was into me. He seems not to understand though because he keeps telling me she's not into him and talks about other guys all the time - so what's the big deal. What I don't think he gets is how her actions really are indicating that she's into him and doesn't care that he has a girlfriend. I really do trust the guy - I sincerely think that he would never cheat on me. But I feel weird thinking about how they're in his basement watching a movie alone, while I'm in a different city missing him, wishing I could be there.
After talking to him I think he gets that it bothers me, but truthfully I also thinks he likes the fact that I am a little jealous. Now every time they run into each other or see each other he has to tell me and it just feels like he's rubbing it in for attention. I truthfully think that's what this was all about in the first place - attention. A girl wanted to hang out with him and hung off his every word - it's an awesome feeling, I get that. I just think he's playing with fire because even if he doesn't have bad intentions, by hanging out with this girl all the time he is unintentionally leading her on.
Thanks for all the advice!
something like that destroyed my relationship.....it was long distance too. Even after I told him it bothered me...since he was always with her while i was in another city...and the communication started to drop a lot....cuz i guess he was busy talking to someone else right? He just kept meeting her but woudlnt tell me...so i wouldn't get upset...but i always found things out. If it wasnt one friend ...it was another... all girls.... It really all depends if you trust him. I felt very disrespected and dropped him.
I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and my best friend at school is a guy. We are close friends and I spend the majority of my time with him. Yes, we do have sexual tension at times, but when it comes down to it, my relationship is priority. My boyfriend is not uncomfortable with me having a close guy friend, and I am not uncomfortable with him having close girl friends. We see our friends more often than we see each other but we trust each other completely and know we are #1 in each other's hearts. I think it's hard to have a platonic friend of the opposite sex without sparking a little jealousy in your significant other, but you just have to have unwavering trust in your relationship and know that you want it more than you want anything else.