No. You can't. I mean, you could, but that would entail chloroform, a spoon, and possibly some jail time.
More importantly, however, why would you want him to stop? Looking isn't touching. It's not talking. It's not a real action -- it's just looking. When you shop, does your credit card rack up charges every time you roll your eyes over merchandise you want to buy?
Whenever I hear women bellyache about their man looking at other women, what I hear is an insecure person who wants their man to be a loyal, unthinking poodle. Someone totally devoted. A person who isn't a real partner in a relationship, but a human security blanket who'll make them feel wanted, safe, and protected.
You can no more force your man to not ogle an attractive woman than he can make you not swoon over a brooding, emo vampire with a Cro-Magnon's forehead. To be human is to be tempted; to be mature, and human, is to not act on every lustful impulse.
In your defense, I'm betting that there are other things he does or doesn't do that's making your self-esteem freak out. It's not really about him looking at other women, is it? Because if him sneakily checking out a fine ass woman strolling by is your only problem, then you don't have any problems.
Judge a dude by his actions. And you have a right to expect that he'll make you feel special regularly -- flowers, a random compliment, a face full of early morning kisses. But, like I said, if your concern is his horny eyeballs, then you're going to have to learn to deal with it.
If we're on the subject of emo vampires, I would like to express my sentiments towards then through a photo:
http://www.thefrisky.com/site/post/246-clearly-shes-not-on-team-edward/
Oh how I wish I could give your reply more than one + vote for that picture!
Okay...I have one question, if you were in a relationship with someone would you want them to spend all day fantasizing about you naked or half of the day fantasizing about you and the other half fantasizing about other men. I am going to go with the first option.
Maybe I am the only woman who can keep her thoughts and eyes on one man without even having to try, but I expect the same. It is a pathetic excuse for men or women to say it is human nature. If you truly love someone and are satisfied sexually by them, there shouldn't be anyone who measures up. Plain and simple.
I wouldn't want my boyfriend to stop looking at women. Hell, even I look at other women. I'd think he was gay if he didn't. However, I would NOT want him verbally acknowledging that he thinks they're fine. I don't need to hear "damn, look at that ass," or "I'd so hit that." As long as he's looking, and not verbally rubbing it in my face that he finds them attractive, then I'm a-okay with it. I'd never disrespect him by saying "Wow, that guys abs are rock solid, I'd love for him to rub them all over me" in front of him...so, I'd expect the same kind of respect. Luckily, my guy knows that if he starts doing that mess, that I'm not putting up with it. So, he's good in that aspect. But, if your boy is just looking...don't sweat it...it just means he has a penis. As long as he isn't USING it on them, don't fret it. Now, if he's literally TALKING about how hot they are in front of you, that's just him being disrespectful and...well, stupid.
"I'd never disrespect him by saying "Wow, that guys abs are rock solid, I'd love for him to rub them all over me" in front of him...so, I'd expect the same kind of respect." - dpain
You'd better be careful dpain, if your boyfriend has a mean streak he might call "Captain six-pack" on over and ask him to do just that.
If my guy has the gaul to check-out other women right in front of me; what make's me think he's not doing (or thinking of doing) other things behind my back? I am a confident person & I believe this behavior makes him less trustworthy. I think it's disrespectful, period. ***Just to get him to understand how I felt; one day I blatantly stared at attractive men & later he asked me why I was doing that. He admitted how belittled he felt & how uncomfortable he was with it.*** I love reverse psychology! Try what I did & maybe it'll make him think twice about his behavior...
noticing attractive people is human nature, but there is an expected level of discretion in a relationship. i've seen guys blatantly oogle me or other women while standing there with wife and children, and it's pretty disgusting. if checking out other people is noticeable to you and bystanders, that shows complete disrespect.
Hell, even I check out other women. We are really pretty creatures.
"Whenever I hear women bellyache about their man looking at other women, what I hear is an insecure person who wants their man to be a loyal, unthinking poodle."
THANK YOU!
It's my opinion that if men (and women) stop noticing the beauty of the people around them, they'll stop noticing their partner's beauty as well. If the guy loves you, he KNOWS that though Sally Walker over there is really hot, but at home he already has a really hot chick who also already knows everything he likes, has a great personality, and always makes sure he has clean socks (or some other nice thing you do for him). The mystery of Sally Walker may be tempting, but if he already has a good, satisfying thing in his life, he's not going to go screw that up just for the sake of a thrill. Unless he's an asshole and doesn't deserve that good, satisfying thing. And besides, Sally Walker may have STDs or be a crazy stalker after being bedded.
Commenting on women isn't really appropriate behavior, though I'm bisexual so when I see a really hot chick, I sometimes point her out (mostly in movies or magazines, but also occasionally in real life) just to discuss her with my boyfriend. It relieves the tension of him being unsure whether or not it's OKAY to notice other women... and usually, it makes both of us randy because it eventually leads back to what we find hot about eachother.
Example --
Me: "That girl has a GREAT ass! Good lord."
Him: "Hahaha... yeah..." *smirks and grabs my bum* "You do too..."
And you can imagine what happens next.
Girls, stop being so uptight and crazy! Holding your man to standards is a good thing, but this is 2009 -- time to act like a real person, not demanding perfection and BLIND LOYALTY, and reeelaaax.
I think it depends on your relationship. I think straight men are going to look at other women always, whether you want them to or not. It is human nature. Now, the more the testosterone he has (so younger or fitter) the more he is likely to look at the wrong moment.
I think it is impolite to indiscreetly look while he is with you, his woman. Now, it happens now and then, just like sometimes a burp is let out when one doesn't mean to... but in general he should try and control it (as you do too!) and take measures to avoid being rude. For example, if he knows he is apt to stare, then if he sees a hot women approaching he should turn toward you while you are walking, and look intently into your eyes. Or if he is at a restaurant, MY! Those fries suddenly got really appealing! We all develop tricks to become more civilized beings... we don't all start out that way though.
Looking is natural, it is just considered disrespectful if he does it in your presence... he should be aware that other men and women will think less of him and your relationship if he is -clearly- checking out women when you're around. I think if he understands this, it will help him work on his behaviour. But don't try and stop him from looking at other women. At least not until he's 80 :-)
If I catch my boyfriend looking at someone else, I'll look too... then we either agree or not on her apparent "hotness"... it becomes something we can laugh at and he knows that I'm not insecure about it... though sometimes I question his vision. And what you say about it being a passive action is exactly right on. As long as his hands and other desired body parts stay on me, I don't mind that his eyes occassionally look elsewhere. There's a lot of eye candy out there.
i totally agree with lindsay! Saying something is human nature is bullshit! Its human nature to bump and fart with no thought about it but we DONT because its RUDE!
If I was on a date with a guy and he blatently oogled other women then I would think that be wouldnt be trustworthy. Or, he was trying to make me feel bad and show he was disinterested.
However, I dont really have this happen to me really (or boys are just sneaky I guess lol). I've got naturally big boobs and I spend a lot of time running and doing acro yoga so usually its guys staring disrespectfully at me, or the waiter flirting with me, and the guy I'm with gets annoyed and gives them dirty looks lol. I'm like, hey its not MY fault some guys have no manners! And I definitely don't flirt back with the waiter!
Asking a man not to notice an attractive woman is like asking a woman not to drool over chocolate.
I look at it this way, if my guy is openly admiring the beauty of other women, then I do not have to worry about him cheating. I would worry more if he started being sneaky about his actions instead of being a "typical guy" and looking at a fine ass or great pair of tits as she walked by.
Think about it, MOST people TRY to be sneaky and NOT get caught when they are cheating or thinking about cheating.
While I agree that voicing admiration (unless encouraged to do so) about another woman is bad form and disrespectful, I do not see any harm as long as ALL they are doing is looking.
A smart man KNOWS that when he has something good going on at home, he doesn't need to screw it up by chasing a "piece of strange". If he isn't smart enough to figure that out, then set him out at the curb with the rest of the garbage and find a SMART man.
To all the ladies who say that "so long as his hands stay on me", well if your ok with your man looking at other girls, which in my mind says "shes better looking" and "I would rather be with a girl that looks like that" then two thumbs up to you!
I have a bf who cant walk down the street without looking at every single decent looking girl, and it kills me inside. It tells me that I am not good enough for him.
If these guys cant keep there eyes where they should be then they should try to get that hot chick that walks by! But alas they have to settle for our a$$es cause "were all that they can get!" wow I feel good about myself, hes settling for what he can get!
WoW!!! After reading your comment, the only thought that comes to mind is "have self esteem issues much??". I am one of those women you are referring to and honestly, I have no doubt my man finds me VERY attractive and is VERY satisfied with me and our relationship.
Women come in all shapes and sizes, same as men, and just because a man looks at another woman or a woman looks at another man, does NOT always mean they are dissatisfied with the one they are with.
Like I said in my previous comment, a SMART man knows when he has a good thing and holds onto it with both hands, a STUPID man needs to be set at the curb with the rest of the trash.
My advice to you is get help with your OWN insecurities and then go find a SMART man to share your new found confidence and love with. Good luck.
While I agree with Rhiannon that for you it might be more of a self-esteem issue--he will look at every girl even if you are a supermodel, and they are plain janes--I do think something might be wrong if you NOTICE him looking at other girls.
What I mean is, I'm pretty sure all/almost all guys look at other women, BUT, I have never noticed it happening. They are discreet about it usually, that's the polite way. Just like when you burp, you make a conscious effort to burp quietly, a good, well-mannered man will make a conscious effort to not overtly stare at every girl. (Unless you two have something special worked out where you talk about hot chicks together, etc, then you've given him permission to overtly stare :-) But make no mistake, he see them :-)
Its a fact of human nature, Men look and so do I and in fact, I can appreciate beautiful women. Its just a matter of being respectful of your partner and not crossing that line of being inapppropriate. and if it is something that is hurtful, I would let him know and see if that remedies it.
i agree, if your man is making it nocitable its totally disprespectful, theres nothing wrong with a quick look at a girl and keeping it to yourself without staring with your mouth open leaving your chick feeling super awkward.. screw that.
ladies, ladies, i come to set the record straight....i am 24 years old with DD's breast small waist and a cute face. i have been with my man for1 1/2 now. I have never been a insecure person ever. But every woman that says she dont care is lying. i get attention from all kinds of men young, old white and black, everyday. But when i go in public with my man a attitude comes over me. Sexually i satisfy him, but his eyes continue to wonder....NOW THERE IS A DIFFERENCE, IF YOUR MAN IS LOOKING AT OTHER WOMAN WITH YOU, I THINK IT IS DISRESPECTFUL, ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE RIGHT THERE I MEAN REALLY.but if your man is out in about and you are not around than what you dont know wont hurt. i say that because in my pass relationships i never had this problem, my men appreciated that they had a beautiful woman beside them, and thats how your man should make you feel everytime you go out with him. Because i have a good man despite his wondering eye, i'm going to try to make it work, but if i cant take the rudeness than im out because there are men out there that will worship the ground u walk inside and outside the home....ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME
Yea, I am the same way- big chested, small waist, and pretty. Men are always staring at me. So, I am always thinking it is disrespectful, especially in front of their gfs. Luckily, my hsuband does not look at other women. He is awesome and takes care of me so well. I am very lucky to have him, and I hope that one day every woman will feel lucky as me.
You sound hot, whats your number
I agree with Double D's. I am not big chested , nor do I have a small waist but the bottom line is that there is no harm in a look or a glance but to blatantly ogle someone in front of your lady or your man is just wrong unless you both have a fetish. And by the way it realy has nothing to do with esteem.Once you have dated someone who makes you feel as though there is no one else in the room but you, tries to spend as much free time with you as possible, holds your hand and kisses you in public and keeps their looks you in the eye when they are speaking to you etc etc, then it is hard to beat that. If someone is satisfied with just you then there should be no need for their eyes to wander elsewhere. I may glance at a handsome man but Im happy with my guy and because I am, you wont catch me checking out his package. There is no need to. I'm happy, content and I respect my man. Likewise I expect the same from him. Chivalry is not dead. The rest of you are just more about lust than you are about love
valentines day: it's not the first time, but it might be the last.
leaving restaurant, a pretty YOUNG woman, sexy, sexy: he looks once smiling, then looks twice. when he gets to the car, he wants to nuzzle up.
i've told him, i've asked him. i don't care what you say about self-esteem, beauty, and the like. i want a man who is focused on our relationship and our time together. life is short. eye candy is a worthless use of time. men satiating themselves is a selfish thing, may be their privilege and their due, right? but really, is that what this has come down to?
this culture we live in has no value for the true beauty of love.
when the man i am in love with can't resist looking, it is beyond hurtful.
it says to me that his values are not mine.
genetics maybe. who cares. when life is short, and you are ill, and he knows you are, then why look? because he doesn't know the value of the real beauty of love. maybe men should start realizing how small they are.
how invariably small. when the woman they are with is dead, then that would be the time to look at sexy, sexy. right? just wait until she's dead.
valentines day: it's not the first time, but it might be the last.
leaving restaurant, a pretty YOUNG woman, sexy, sexy: he looks once smiling, then looks twice. when he gets to the car, he wants to nuzzle up.
i've told him, i've asked him. i don't care what you say about self-esteem, beauty, and the like. i want a man who is focused on our relationship and our time together. life is short. eye candy is a worthless use of time. men satiating themselves is a selfish thing, may be their privilege and their due, right? but really, is that what this has come down to?
this culture we live in has no value for the true beauty of love.
when the man i am in love with can't resist looking, it is beyond hurtful.
it says to me that his values are not mine.
genetics maybe. who cares. when life is short, and you are ill, and he knows you are, then why look? because he doesn't know the value of the real beauty of love. maybe men should start realizing how small they are.
how invariably small. when the woman they are with is dead, then that would be the time to look at sexy, sexy. right? just wait until she's dead.
Yea, I am the same way- big chested, small waist, and pretty. Men are always staring at me. So, I am always thinking it is disrespectful, especially in front of their gfs. Luckily, my hsuband does not look at other women. He is awesome and takes care of me so well. I am very lucky to have him, and I hope that one day every woman will feel lucky as me.
I think the reason alot of women are insecure (myself included) is BECAUSE our guys are always looking elsewhere. This makes me wonder if I change something about myself he will look at me instead. I've been with my fiancé for 7 years and I have lower self esteem than ever when he looks at other girls bc I wonder If they have something that he wants that I don't have then I become insecure :(
I feel so insecure and so inferior when we're out and about. My boyfriend of over a year is in a very successful band and has women always coming up to him, trying to give him a quick snog or asking to sign their breasts or shirts (near ass or above or below breasts) when I'm right there, standing next to him, holding his hand trying to go out and celebrate our god damn anniversary. He signs their t-shirts and says something like "sorry, I had to for the band. You understand, right?" and it hurts so much. Or when we're out an he sees someone he's been with before (kissed or something, a fling before us) he lets go of my hand, like he's playing the single card! i asked him why he looks and he tells me it's because he's a male. I am so happy with him (when we're not out) and I am satisfied, I don't need to look elsewhere. But it's is so demening to me. I was sexually attacked by someone at my college (I'm only 17 and this happened before I was with him), so when we watch a film or something where people are about to have sex or someone is about to get raped - I get so upset and walk out of the room. He just doesn't understand what it mentally does to me. I was told that porn was better than me in a previous, violent relationship and that's why i believe he watches it because "it's better than me". He doesn't have the problem I have, I don't need to look! I get so mad. I try changing myself and he's telling me I'm beautiful, gorgeous, and that I don't need to do anything.. But he still looks at some plain jane despite him knowing how much it hurts, when I'm holding his hand trying to tell him how I feel and how he's making me feel. We used to be so close, he used to kiss me all the time, hug me in front of anyone and would make a deal out of holding my hand. I still feel all of those things when I kiss him and hold his hand. But because he looks at other women/girls I feel unattractive and worthless. How can I tell him to make him realise? Last time I tried we argued, really bad and I left the house.
Can someone help me? I don't want to lose him. I've been in love with him for 5 years!!!
I am not sure if it is too late to email you. But I feel the same way with the man I have been with for 12 years. He can't take me saying something to him anymore because it makes me so angry when he looks at other women when I am right next to him. We are actually separated over this. But there are men out there that don't look, don't settle!
I wonder why any emotions within are considered 'negative' or positive? What you feel IS what it is (it's an internal communication to the external self), either you can work on it to change or accept it and improve. But how? There are so much pressure around us, overwhelming us to be fitter, healthier, more beautiful, younger, etc. Maybe men are just partially to blame but mostly, it is the way our media/society makes us feel about us. It's interesting that women that described themselves here and categorized themselves as good-looking stated that they are busty, small-waisted, etc. and that is exactly what shapes our thinking of what is "beautiful". Because if it is truly that one is beautiful, one is busty, one is thinner, than the other must be ugly, which are less-endowed and thicker around the waist? Once we start categorizing and discriminating, there is a huge issue that we are not even consciously processing that makes us behave in unhealthy manner - low insecurity is just as destructive as over confidence. There IS a healthy balance between those two extremes.
It's not so much about men looking, it's more about what they are thinking while they are looking - possibly even reflecting later on the image/visual. And to accept that men are human that cannot (or more accurately, want to) control their NEED to look at other women (which sends a message to their partners as it is not worth their time to control this urge as it is not beneficial to the men to *gasp* control - not stop - looking at other women), women are also human that cannot (truly) control their sensitivity to want to be the only ones that their partners are 'making love to' or intimately involved with physically, psychologically, and emotionally. The fact that men have no interest in changing this behavior, it makes it difficult for women to change their perspective on this issue.
Talking about it with your partner has a huge risk of being labeled as 'insecure' and 'jealous'. You risk feeling like a total fool, inferior, and a bitch ... and that's unpleasant and unproductive. But it is an issue between you and your partner. It needs to be discussed honestly and openly at an appropriate time and free yourself from this green-eyed monster. If he truly is your life-long partner, he will refrain from saying things like, "I'm just a guy or I can't help myself or why are you so insecure" ... instead, he'll take your feelings seriously and help you find a comfortable solution to strengthen the connection between you and him.
My man is 61 years of age and constantly looks at other women, girls, teenagers etc., once he even got beaten up by the girls partner. he says he loves me more than any other woman and hes never been told his looking is excessive. I do love him very much even though hes not the best looking man in the world ( I am 61 but lonly look 50 and am always being told I am very attractive for my age).
Were on holiday and a young very thin child like girl was at the poolside he all but bent forward to look up her skirt and on another occassion two middle aged women with very nice figures he couldn't take his eyes off them.
Help what to do
Well...a glance at a true specimen of a woman I can understand. A glance. Not repeated glances, not attempting to converse with said woman while I'm in the bathroom, not turning his whole body around to look at her ass when she walks past, and NOT staring at one woman practically all night at a concert. Something is the matter here, and its not my insecurity. Yes, these are actual incidences I've experienced with my boyfriend who supposedly loves me and is committed to me.
Glances I can ignore completely. No harm no foul. The other stuff is just plain humiliating at a woman can't help but question the commitment and integrity of the man she is with. I can guess if a woman did all of these things in the presence of her man, he would be upset and feel he hand a nympho/slut/skank on his hands.
At the very least, such behavior is highly disrespectful. I will also venture to say that most women who are upset with their men "looking" at other women are upset with the type of behaviors I have described.
i think guys say "it's human nature" because they want to do what they want. They will keep making excuses to do and get what they want. They don't want us telling them what to do cause most men are selfish and have this alpha male persona. My ex was so selfish that he does not even want to get married and be "STUCK" with one girl. I said... well good luck with the future, when you die you will be alone ... " and he got all quiet.
anyway, it is a disrespect for guys to look at other girls when you are with your girl/wife. If the guy really loves his partner, or think that she is the one then he will respect her and will be all about her. If he does not, he will STILL be searching for that girl that he fantasize about. Also, he maybe the boyfriend for now and will be just another ex. a waste of our time.
I do not look at guy's crotch and if it happens to be there, like in the movies where it just pops out of nowhere.. or a dude jacking off while driving, that is not my fault nor desired it and be all happy about it. I also don't look at guys and say "i'd hit that" cause im not a freak! i am not down to get down with a stranger cause of his looks. Have you ever thought about STD's? guys should look at pictures.
So BOOBS.... someone said they pop out, yes they do. and our eyes can see a whole i guess 180 degrees... in front of us and some on the side of us... in full detail. But do we have to lust over them? and have staring issues? i dont think so.
we live in sodom and gomorrah .... type of world. Lame. Either wait for the right guy and love yourself till he comes. Wanting you even if you wear a tshirt and lose pants that only show 30% of skin.
Now wait a minute> someone has told men it is alright to ogle other women, that men cant help it because they have testosterone. Women have testosterone too! But becasue ppl have been saying this is okay for how many years-the habit just gets worse and worse. The probelm here is that men need to be men and realize that they are no longer 15 year old little boys. Real men make other women jealous of THEIR woman. Little boys (immature men) make their woman jealous of other woman. A relationship is to be built up; not crushed. Women are not here to make your life as wonderful as you would like for it to be; while a woman ( aliving,feeling being) ignore all of a man's bad behaviors. We were not put on this earth to compete for our men to respect us and appreciate us. Women have to overlook so much with men and their behaviors that it is disgusting. The respect in a relationship should be mutual;foresaking all others. aA glance and ogling have two different meanings. Women do not have problems with insecurities if they dont like what men put them through. Maybe it is because we have too much respect for ourselves to allow a man to treat us this way. Go ahead andthink that women who allow these things without saying anything are stronger than a woman who will speak up. Maybe its them with the insecurities because they allow themselves to be treated this way. Maybe its those other women with low self-esteem who allow this to go on without saying anything. Or maybe, they really do not have respect for the man anyway or dont think they can get anyone better. God put man and woman on earth to love, build and treasure the union. Not to abuse it!!
Now wait a minute> someone has told men it is alright to ogle other women, that men cant help it because they have testosterone. Women have testosterone too! But becasue ppl have been saying this is okay for how many years-the habit just gets worse and worse. The probelm here is that men need to be men and realize that they are no longer 15 year old little boys. Real men make other women jealous of THEIR woman. Little boys (immature men) make their woman jealous of other woman. A relationship is to be built up; not crushed. Women are not here to make your life as wonderful as you would like for it to be; while a woman ( aliving,feeling being) ignore all of a man's bad behaviors. We were not put on this earth to compete for our men to respect us and appreciate us. Women have to overlook so much with men and their behaviors that it is disgusting. The respect in a relationship should be mutual;foresaking all others. aA glance and ogling have two different meanings. Women do not have problems with insecurities if they dont like what men put them through. Maybe it is because we have too much respect for ourselves to allow a man to treat us this way. Go ahead andthink that women who allow these things without saying anything are stronger than a woman who will speak up. Maybe its them with the insecurities because they allow themselves to be treated this way. Maybe its those other women with low self-esteem who allow this to go on without saying anything. Or maybe, they really do not have respect for the man anyway or dont think they can get anyone better. God put man and woman on earth to love, build and treasure the union. Not to abuse it!!
For one I think it wrong to lust over someone....... I have four children with my babydaddy,but he's a pig and is very disrespectful at times seems to me the only time he looks is to hurt me or start a arugment.... if u are committed to someone ure eyes should be for that someone and no one other...... another thing is if u have that gorgeous gurl by ure side don't screw it up by checking out another no one likes a Playa and in gods eyes there is only that that he created just for u.................
For one I think it wrong to lust over someone....... I have four children with my babydaddy,but he's a pig and is very disrespectful at times seems to me the only time he looks is to hurt me or start a arugment.... if u are committed to someone ure eyes should be for that someone and no one other...... another thing is if u have that gorgeous gurl by ure side don't screw it up by checking out another no one likes a Playa and in gods eyes there is only that that he created just for u.................
i went to his job because he asked me to stayed there four hours till he came out and when he finished we went into the store to go buy some glue and i was right next to him he was paying but as well as stood there focus on the girl putting the items on the shelf's now tell me how low i feel honestly i need some hints on want to do :( it hurts me he never looked at a girl that way :( eyed balled her even ignored my question :( im asking for advice....