Bro code does not apply here. Any guy who totally abandons his kids deserves impromptu castration with a rusty file, in my book.
Please note, that doesn't apply to fathers who, for one reason or another, are divorced but still try to meet their obligations and look out for their kids.
You will hate him for years. Not good for you, though. Better to simply not think of him at all. Wish him ill, then get on with your life. You deserve better, but you also got responsibilities. One of your responsibilities is to not be bitter in front of your kids. They'll learn soon enough just how painful life is, without you showing them.
I am sorry that your most prized treasures are not held in the same esteem by their father. I think that by far most men are fiercely protective of their kids and cannot imagine life without them.
Mystery Man- I love that you advised her not to show bitterness in front of the kids. I agree totally.
Kids want and need to feel loved by their fathers. They will usually give the father the benefit of the doubt, over and over again until they eventually figure it out on their own. Some kids get it sooner than others.
I have observed all too often that the kid will give the mom a boat load of guff while dealing with the pain of rejection from their absentee father.
I think a kid feels that their mother has joined their father on the low road if she is always bad mouthing him and might somehow even believe she chased him away with her mouth. The kid has to believe that their father must have been somewhat OK, otherwise they are the son/daughter of trash and somehow that might make them trash as well.
A neighbor of mine used to carry a gas can in his trunk. When I asked him why he did this, he calmly answered, "It's there in case I ever see my ex-wife burning on the side of the road. I figure, I can add to the fire." She did the same this to him that you describe... and he was re-married with children by his new wife by this time, too!
This stuff stays with you forever. It doesn't mean that you have to stop living your life... good luck!
thank you for answering my question. I'm working my hardest to not be bitter around my kids. They're still only toddlers so at least they won't remember my flashes of bitterness towards him.. It kills me that he doesn't care. how can you not love your kids? I don't, and never will, understand it.
To add to my hatred.. my son is special needs so everytime we have a blood test, another specialists appointment or he has therapy, or I even have to go to the grocery store and try and keep an eye on two toddlers myself I just can't help but hate him for making the kids and I have to go through this alone. i even have to get his written permission for certain therapies. it's insulting.
I really hope i can just push him from my mind. I sure as hell am gonna try.
Please, please, please get some counseling for you & the little ones. You need to work your way though it with a professional that is trained to deal with it. Take care…
Teakany-
Silkysly is right, in that you might want to, if you can schedule and afford to, get some counseling, or perhaps participate in a group therapy with other "newly single moms'. It may provide you some comfort to be with women who are surviving this, and doing well. Perhaps even better than you would expect. It may give you that encouragement and empowerment to see that you are not alone in this, and that, unfortunately, there are many many douche-bag deadbeat dads out there, but life is better without them.
Best of luck to you and the kiddies.