Interesting question. Short form - yes you can, though of course you shouldn't do it and will be shunned if you do, including by me.
You are talking two different things. Loving someone does not shut off lust, or even focus it down to just the person you love. You still get flashes of lust for others, and, if the circumstances are right, may act on it.
The circumstances could be a fight, boredom, getting drunk, a sudden bad fright - all can trigger a one off cheating session. Understanding it does not excuse it, not even if you are absolutely, totally positive that your love will not and can not find out about it. You will still know that you broke their trust, and it will effect your relationship, usually fairly badly until you get over the guilts. The more you love the person, the longer that will take and the more you will want to come clean and shatter their world.
Now long term or serial cheating is a whole different kettle of cod. If that is what is happening, you should re-examine your feelings for the one you supposedly love - because you really don't.
I have use you in the general sense here, not specificly aimed at the questioner.
"effect" => affect
Would you feel loved if someone cheating on you?
(Great answer Myst.)
*cheated (edit police are on the case today)
LOL -> I was about to point that out.
what do these people do, lie awake at night consumed with guilt and then ask questions to random internet people to seek normalization? unless you're (you, general sense also) a psychopath or have antisocial personality issues, nobody ever MEANS to hurt anybody. in my world, no, you cant love someone and set yourself free at the same time, even if its only for a second. loving someone means thinking of their feelings first, even if sometimes you dont want to. people that are cheated on are heartbroken because one minute they felt loved and the next they didn't.
Couldn't have said it better myself, Chrissie. Coming from someone who has been recovering for a year and a half from infidelity, one indeed feels not only betrayed and lied to and simply made a fool of, but most of all the betrayed partner finds that the love one once believed one had from another is now questionable, at best.
The fact is, no matter how much he did and does love me, he did NOT think of my feelings first. He may not have SET OUT to hurt me, but my heart could not have been more broken than when I saw the words "I love you too, sweetheart. Can't wait to hold you again!" in a text message sent in reply to an old high school friend of his while he was gone at his military drill, who at that time was his affair partner (also married). I'd never "sneaked" into his cell phone before that day, but for months he'd had it on his body at all times, never let it even be in my view, and there were numerous times I'd hear his phone vibrating in his pocket and point it out to him, and he'd play dumb and claim that he didn't even feel it... this coming from the most ticklish man I've ever met in my life! So I knew something was up, and when he got home from drill one day and went next door to say hi to our friends for a few minutes and accidently left his cell phone on the couch, I took a look and there it was.
At least he was smart enough to come clean immediately, rather than try to deny anything. He was also smart enough to not blame me in the least... though we had problems in our relationship that hadn't been addressed (mostly because he used to always avoid "conflict" at any cost, so he wouldn't talk to me about problems, but instead preferred to attempt to sweep the elephant in the living room under the rug)... no one MADE him cheat on me. That was a choice he consciously made, and he did and still does own up to that. He and I can carry conversations till the cows come home, but let me tell you, we'd never had a talk for HOURS AND HOURS like we did that day!
I do know that my husband loves me very much, and I am just NOW (well, in the last few months) coming to trust him enough to believe that he won't hurt me like that again... however, I do not trust him *implicitly* like I did before the reveal, and don't know if I ever will. But I don't panic anymore whenever he walks out the door, or uses his computer or phone. He no longer hides these things from me, and of course that helps immensely. I rarely have to ask who he's talking to or what he's doing, and when I do ask, he answers immediately and freely and he'll even share his email (text, etc.) conversations with me without my asking. He gave me his passwords to all of his email, Facebook, etc., accounts, and began leaving his cell phone always in my view, to assure me that he's not hiding anything from me. (I haven't felt the need, nor even an urge, to check his accounts in several months. This in itself is a huge relief; an increase in sanity, if you will.) I know he *could* still hide things from me by deleting whatever he wouldn't want me to see, but I did of course have the ability to check his email & FB before he'd have a chance to, and I never once found anything even slightly suspicious. The other woman sent him a new FB friend request (the freaking nerve!!!), and he not only denied it, but promptly blocked her. He's removed any FB friends that I didn't feel comfortable being on his list; no questions asked, no argument or defensiveness. He's done everything he can to earn back my trust, make amends, and once again treat me like the only woman for him... the person who "holds him me more than you'll ever know" (his words).
So I do once again feel very loved by him, and have no doubts about that. I will never forget what he did, and I know that a part of me will always hurt from it. But so long as he continues to SHOW me that he is 100% faithful to me and our relationship, I'm able to feel the love (and even stability) we share more than the pain from his affair. I even understand to a large extent WHY he put himself where he did, though there is still no excuse for it... and he is quite aware that there is no excuse.
I disagree. Cheating is a premeditated betrayal even if it's only a one time occurrence. If one knows they lack sufficient self-control to reject tempting opportunities, they should avoid such situations. It had nothing to do with love and respect for the other person and everything to do with an overinflated ego or sense of entitlement.
ALLELUIA!!! Somebody got something right!
You can't possibly love someone and cheat on them too. Love is putting them first, thinking of them first, caring about their feelings more than your own. If you still feel the urge to do sexual things with another then just break it off with your spouse. Don't waste their time.
Were we faultless, we would not derive such satisfaction from remarking the faults of others.
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