Well, since the question box has obviously gained sentience – it submitted your question to me 9 times as it feels sorrow for you – I had best answer this one.
You know how I always say the past makes you who you are? You ain’t supposed to take it to this extreme. A small amount of introspection is good. Ramming your head up your a*s is so far beyond stupid that it is on the borders of criminal insanity. You have taken one incident out of everything you have ever done and defined yourself by that.
Hello, is there a brain in there somewhere?
Look, I don’t know what you did. Maybe you stole your friend’s favorite doll. Maybe you crushed a guy’s heart and his dreams. Maybe you botched a shot and left your target in a persistant vegetative state.
It is the past. Can’t be changed and will always be there. You did it. It happened. Now deal with it as an adult. Not as a petulant child.
Like they say in Maine: “You buy it, you own it. It is yours.”
So, now you feel not only depressed and numb but stupid too, what do you actually do?
Get yer a*s up, out and doing. So you don’t want to. BFD. Do it.
Sure, it’ll be a chore at first.