The difference is knowledge and time.
Infatuation is an uninformed, foolish and/or extravagant attraction to a person or thing. Infatuation is butterflies and giddiness based solely on feelings, not reality. The word infatuation is closely related to fatuous, which means inane, unreal or dense. When my child says she "loves" Justin Bieber, that's infatuation. She doesn't love him--she doesn't even know him. She likes his music and thinks he's cute. It's infatuation: temporary, childlike and usually fleeting (thank god). Does that make it bad? No, but it's not the same as love.
Love is a more mature, educated, abiding feeling of closeness and attraction that you feel for someone only after you really know the person. This is why you can't say with any credibility that you love someone after knowing them a month. You can be insanely attracted to them, you can be intrigued by them, you can enjoy having sex with them, but it's not love. Love takes time because really knowing someone takes time, and you can't love someone without knowing them and what they are all about--their values, goals, habits, and even their weaknesses. Love is what you feel for someone because of, and in spite of, who they really are.
Thanks for the question.
I love your answer.
Seriously, I do. It's both sensitive and firm. I've had time to consider all of your recent responses, those which I agree with, and those which I don't, and I appreciate your authentic responses.
So you see, it's not infatuation.
;)
Thank you, GKG.
I think you CAN love someone after a month...my boyfriend and I said the L word about a month after meeting, but we had spent a lot of time together, and it was easy to tell each other's characters by that point because it was so easy to open up to each other. I think it IS possible to get to know someone very quickly; I'm not talking about history and everything about the person, but their character, yes you definitely can.
I disagree.
I fall in love easily also, but I kinda have to agree with Cary here. I fell hard for my last (now ex) boyfriend in less than a month...and since we were both in our late 40s, I thought we both experienced so much in our lives with relationships that we both just knew what we wanted in each other. I LOVED his authentic spirit (at the time); his patience (at the time); his sensitivity (at the time); his great parenting skills (at the time), and his calm, comforting demeanor (at the time) among other characteristics. As time went on, I DID fall more in love with the great traits, but found that other traits had developed in a less desirable direction. For the first 6 months of any relationship, we are all on our "best behavior" even if we think we are being totally authentic. It's before you settle in...that's why it's called the honeymood period. Just like a new job, new school, etc, once you settle in, things appear a bit different. I think we all need to experience a relationship through all seasons...and perhaps through one or both individuals experiencing a death or significant loss, holiday stress, financial issue, family issue, etc, to grasp the totality of our mate's personality. I still love my ex. The love was true, but I realize things about him that, if I knew in the beginning, would have slowed cupid's arrow a bit.
Yes, exactly. Perfectly said.
So where would this 6 month line begin? With my bf we were friends (although flirty ones) for a year before we got together. But while that was nearly a year ago itself, we only began seeing each other daily about 5 months ago.
He has never been in love, I am the first girl he's wanted a relationship with at all. I feel very much in love with him...he says we don't know each other enough to call this love yet.
?????
It's ok to be in love with someone before they are in the same place, but he said you "don't know each other enough to call it love". That's where he is. There is no hidden meaning there. Believe him and don't push for love validation or mark your calendar for the phases of a relationship like it's a set schedule. Not sure if you've been in serious relationships before, but he hasn't, and this level of feelings might scare him. Try to just enjoy yourself and your time together without defining the status any further. If you love him, then you will enjoy just being with him, supporting and getting support, being his confidant and friend, his lover, and his girlfriend. Be patient, confident and learn to trust that when he is ready for more, he will tell you and show you, in his own time. Forcing love to develop faster never did anyone good. I know first hand; it looks desperate and is not attractive. Enjoy and be happy.
Thank you. His actions, his energy...they seem like he does love me. He does say he cherishes me, appreciates me, that I am special and important to him and that he has never felt this strongly for anyone. He calls me his better half and himself the lucky half. As hard as it was to hear that he doesn't love me yet...I paniced more when my friends told me that if he doesn't by now he never will and I should cut and run before I fall any harder for him. I don't love easily...I don't want to shut out the strength of my own feelings either. So thank you, I will enjoy this wonderful present. Breathe through the panic until it disappears. Happy that staying where I want to be does not make me a fool.
Yes, breathe through the panic until it disappears. He CHERISHES you...and calls you his better half. That's monumental commitment talk for a guy who has never been in love. Do me a favor..tell your friends to stop with the fearful negativity. Doesn't sound like he's leading you on. Just give it time. :)
I will, and thank you!!!
Nurse them through the flu, then decide! ;)
Thanks Cary, it was indeed a clear explanation. As you said, love takes knowledge and time. What about this? This guy, when i first met him, I felt and wished to know him even better, to be friends. And yes it's being 3 years for our friendship, in between this period I fell in love with him and discussed with him on this, and he said he has never fallen for anyone yet and he doesn't know what we share, but he considers and treats me as a special friend (bit similar to what was discussed above) I feel he needs more time and haven't felt love for me. On the other hand, I realized that it's true love I possess for him, because as what is said in Cary's answer, my feelings didn't change for him with time, beside his weaknesses and strengths I fall for him day by day and now I know it's clearly love. I love the way I feel and I'm when i'm with him.I tried so many times to forget and move on (at least to be FRIENDS only) but it doesn't work at all. He doesn't even let me walk away, coz he always says that no matter what he wants our friendship forever. Also sometimes he thinks we have lot of differences between us and we don't match, but I look at it in a different way and I disagree on that.
Should i wait patiently? what should I do?
Only you can make that call. I think it's pretty clear that he loves you as a dear friend but nothing more. You have to decide if that is enough for you.
I certainly believe in LUST at first sight, but love at first sight is a fallacy that we've all been trained to think about. To really and truly love someone, it takes time and effort.
thank you for that.