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Dear guyspeak masterminds, how do I keep a relationship friendly with a neighbor who wants to hang out romantically? He's alluded to wanting to try a romantic relationship, but that's not what I want. From what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him, I'm just not attracted to him that way. Help!

Well, you can just be honest like you would with any guy. Tell him you're not looking to date right now, or you don't want to mess up the friendship, or however you usually let guys know that you just want to be friends. If you aren't flirting back, and turn down his offers to hang out, he'll get the idea eventually. 

The good news is that he's just your neighbor, not a friend or coworker, so you can segue the relationship back to a friendly neighbor thing if things turn awkward. You can be busy, and just live your own life. You have no obligation to this guy. If you want to be friends, and his romantic feelings make it weird, you can just go back to being neighbors. If all else fails, use the old "I'd rather not date my neighbors" excuse. Often it's a good one.
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7 Comments

chrissie1101

i have this problem. super great guy too just don't like him in that way, but mostly cuz i've known the guy since i was a teenager which makes it even more awkward. just tell him you aren't available whether you are or not. it's not technically a lie if you don't like him you aren't available for him. it keeps the friendly peace without too many awkward pauses. he keeps asking me out, and i keep telling him i'm not available, he just shrugs, laughs, and says something like "shoulda known, one of these days maybe you will be"....but keeps asking lol

silkysly

Sorry to disappoint, but it doesn’t always go down that way. It’s not better when you live by them. My neighbor hinted around & I dodge his advances. He then started directly asking me out to which I would decline. I told him I wasn’t interested, but that didn’t stop him. It got to the point I would not walk/run on my road for fear of him jumping in his car & coming up on me to let me know how much he likes me. The only reason he stopped was because of a stern intervention of another neighbor. I am still real cautious when I go for a walk/run, for fear of running into the creepy guy down the road.

Nick Nadel

That's terrible. In those cases, as with any creepy guy who doesn't get a clue (be he a neighbor, coworker or the guy at your local coffee place), it's best to get an authority figure (police, boss, landlord, etc.) involved if you start to feel uncomfortable. You should never have to feel unsafe just because you don't want to date someone. Thanks, silky!

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I agree silky, neighbors can be hard to dodge. One young fellow had it bad for my daughter and my family's relationship with his whole family went south when she turned him down repeatedly. It wasn't like she was at all mean about it but he didn't take no for an answer. To him it just meant keep trying. It didn't take long before it was like the elephant in the living room.

chrissie1101

yikes! i had a creeper gymrat like that once, can't imagine what it must have been like in your own neighborhood though. glad you had some intervention, but it really stinks you still have to look over your back. stay safe sistah! xo

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A few years ago I asked a neighbor out. She said no. I got on with my life.

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Just tell him you don't like him in that way. He has to learn to take it like a man. It may be you cannot maintain a good friendship, but at least he will stop trying to hit on you.

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