Don't worry, you're sexy. That you even care about being sexy for your future husband is proof of sexiness. Other than that, just make sure you don't drink too many magnums of champagne and pass out on the dance floor. And also: get fully naked. That is a fantastic start.
I don't think I've ever given advice to an actual, fer reelz virgin. I largely thought virgins were mythical, like Thundercats or the theory of gravity. I get that you're nervous, but just know that sex is fun. Fun and messy. Fun, messy, and utterly hysterical. If you really want to be sexy for your man, then have a sense of humor.
Getting laid is hysterical. From an evolutionary design perspective, it's an awkward collision of limbs and bouncing heads that suggests the universe needs a laugh every now and then. Bellies slapping. Ass cheeks squeezing. Feet flapping in the air. Invariably, someone's body will make a funny noise. He might make a "HULK SMASH!" face and you might make a noise like a yodeling goat. There is no such thing as perfect balance. Did I mention it can get messy? Keep in mind that giggling is good. Blushing normal. And after a couple attempts at correctly docking, I'm confidant you both will figure it out.
To recap: get naked. Laugh. Rub up against each other until someone blisses out.
Oh, and congratulations.
"I largely thought virgins were mythical, like Thundercats or the theory of gravity."
I am a little like a Thundercat, yes.
My thought (and it is just that, because I am a Thundercat)? Of course, full nudity is a must. But I say don't "get" naked. Let him do it. It is your "great unveiling" (or grand opening, if you would like to think of yourself as, like, a furniture store or a new mall or something), don't just toss your clothes away like it isn't a thing. Note that, depending on your new husband's level of patience and the complexity of your dress, this may result in clothing damage.
Great advice! It really is hilarious, isn't it? And "you might make a noise like a yodeling goat" had me howling.
THE. BEST. ANSWER. EVER.
Mr. DeVore, seriously, have you ever considered writing a book? It doesn't matter what it's about. You'd figure something out, it would be awesome, and I would buy a copy for myself and my friends. Your answers are both funny and thoughtful and your blogs hilarious. I've already been saving your Mind of Man columns from Frisky, too. I'm no stalker! Just a big fan.
Good luck and congratulations!!!
Can you add Thundercat to the guyspeak dictionary as a new term for virgin?
And work it into a sentence with the theory of gravity. Go!
The Thundercat used the acceleration due to gravity of 9.8 m/s to ride her angry meatball to exhaustion, resulting in her anticlimactic deflowerment. Welcome to the club honey.
I don't think I've ever been given a more disturbing visual of sex?
Some tips for future non-virgin:
Like he said. It is messy. Awful noises do get made. It's really not a feminine or delicate act.. people get sweaty, and kinda gross. Try not to think too much, and if you're a germaphobe/afraid of contact try and pretend you're not for the act...
It's pretty much NOTHING like it is in any movie you've seen. When I lost my virginity, my #1 thought in my head was, "that's it?" it was like the most disappointing moment of my life. I should have been smarter and realized it would be nothing like the movies, but alas...
anyhow, come in with very low expectations. Most women (about 60-70%?) can't actually orgasm from regular sex (you need to have manual stimulation), so go in with a light heart, full of love, and just have fun with it and don't get focused on any particular outcome...
being in a good mood, open mind, I think will help you have a good time, and if you're having a good time, your man probably will be too :-) You probably being cute and innocent will be sexy enough I'm sure. I once asked a guy friend about what sort of pajamas to bring to my boyfriend's place for my first sleep over, and he told me it didn't matter what I would be wearing, my guy would find me sexy.
Also one last comment... the female anatomy wasn't designed very well, and things are close together. Because of this, a lot of women, especially their first time, get Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs). (in fact it is sometimes called "Honeymoon Cystitis") Basically, what happens is a bit of e coli or some other bacteria gets picked up on the penis, and then gets introduced to the opening of your urethra during sex. When you urinate, the bacteria gets flushed out. However, if you don't urinate soon after sex, it might travel up your urethra, into your bladder, grow overnight, and by the morning or the next day you may have a UTI. If you do get one (and you will know because you will feel godawful), then just go to a clinic, get a simple & cheap urine test, and they will give you a course of antibiotics. It's not big deal, but it isn't fun... so, always go to the bathroom after sex!
Have fun!
What?! Someone please explain more about this UTI thing. Is this common? I've never heard of that before. I
The urethra and the vagina are two completely different orifices. However, all women are susceptible to cystitis (bladder infection) because of their anatomy — specifically, the close proximity of the urethra to the anus and the short distance from the urethral opening to the bladder. In addition, because of the female urethra's proximity to the vagina, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), such as herpes simplex virus, gonorrhea and chlamydia, also are possible causes of urethritis - an infection of the urethra (Mayoclinic.com).
I doubt that the bacteria is from the penis. It's more likely originated from the female and the penis...encourages the relocation of the bacteria from the external to the internal regions of the female reproductive system. I wouldn't really worry about a UTI your first time. Enjoy what you can and drink a lot of cranberry juice.
They are different orifices, yes, but the penis can come in contact with the urethra opening... I guess I didn't clarify enough, bacteria is not from the penis, but it gets on the penis when men slip (which happens!)
Btw, cranberry juice also contains a lot of sugar, which bacteria feed on, so best to use unsweeted cranberry juice or supplements. However, as long as you pee after sex you probably won't get a UTI.
Meiggs is right, don't -worry- about it, just pee after sex :-) No one told me that when I first had sex... I didn't want to alarm you greatly, just wanted to give you a head's up so you have a good time, all the time :-)
He's done it again ladies & gents. John DeVore is a genius! This is great advice, would've been extremely useful just a few months ago :)
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I think it's great that you are a virgin, but you should make sure you get to know your own body and anatomy and what brings you pleasure by yourself ! this way, you will feel more confident when the time is right. And trust me, your soon to be husband proposed to you so he already thinks You are hot and loves you. If it helps set the mood and bring you self confidence, choose something classy but sexy from Victoria's secret bridal collection.
Great answer, DeVo. Well done.
This has got to be one of the best answers I've ever read lol :D
Wow...that was a bizarrely beautiful answer.
Honestly, the pee after sex advice is probably the most useful information you can get in your life. As advised, sex is messy and with the exchange of all those oh-so-wonderful bodily fluids, it's a good idea to use your natural defenses... so PEE!
As for being sexy, it's fun to experiment with oral sex before the act. Kissing and getting your mouth around his penis will be a nice introduction to it. Plus, the wetter things are before he actually penetrates you the better.
For your pleasure... make sure he takes it slow. It will probably hurt, but he can ease your body into sex so it will still be a special experience. Like Penryn mentioned, having an orgasm your first few times is not likely. Don't be afraid to try different positions along with manual stimulation.(personally being on top helped) If he's a virgin too, he may not orgasm either. After you're more comfortable with penetration, you can encourage him to try "harder".
Best of luck with your new hubby : )
I'm a virgin and proud of it! In college, too! ;)
What a lovely day for a 4176056! SCK was here