I hate situations like those. And we've all been there. I think that the only way to get over him is to accept that it will never be more than it is and open yourself up to new experiences.
Oh, and time. Time does heal all wounds. Every day passes you will feel less and less smitten over this individual who doesn't feel the same way. Here's my question, why exactly are you heartbroken? Is it because he doesn't feel the same way? Did he have any clue that you felt that way? Did you kind of lead him into it or did you drop the hammer on him one day and he told you that he's sorry but he doesn't feel the same way?
I'm only asking because it sounds like he's a good guy and he just doesn't feel the same way. I kind of feel like heartbreak happens when somebody does something to break your heart. In this instance, it was more yourself. No judgement or anything, it's just that I think this is something you can get over because you did it to yourself.
Most heartbreak occurs when we can't understand what happened and we have lingering questions that nag at us. Well, in this instance, you're only lingering question is why isn't he interested, but at least you know he's not pulling your leg or playing with your emotions. And sometimes, people just aren't. It's not an indictment on you, it just is what it is.
In that sense, I think you can just reframe your thoughts to other more productive endeavors. It's possible and it will happen, it will just take time.
I'm in the exact situation (for the past two years). What I've worked out so far:
1. Time and distance dilutes emotions. If possible, spend some time away from him, or at least don't seek him out. You will see how much your life doesn't revolve around him and how much happiness you still feel when he's not around.
2. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. I think it's a mistake to deny what you feel (which you don't seem to be doing, so that's good. I know I did for a while). If you're in love, feel free to feel it. Caring about someone feels good, not just being cared about. But don't let it consume you to the point that you won't open yourself up to the possibility of someone else. He is a dead end, don't just stand there staring at that dead end sign and wishing it led somewhere. It doesn't.
3. The latest and greatest will come along and help you forget him. Seriously. But you might not be ready for him if you're still trying to give your heart to this other guy.
I am a hypocrite for responding to this because I am still working it out in my own situation, but everything I'm telling you really is true for me and I hope it can help. Easier said than done, I know. But you are not alone and you should not feel foolish for wanting someone who does not want you back. We have ALL been there.
Best of luck to you and hopefully things will be looking up for both of us soon. (:
Great response. I'm in the same boat. We always seem to have the clarity for other people but somehow have a hard time applying it to our own situations.
Oh my god do I know how this goes.
The last two guys I thought I was in love with (on some level or another, I was and still am) were both my friends first. One I am still close friends with, but have moved on from romantically... to the current one. ;) It's so difficult... especially when, on top of everything, he's a coworker, so you HAVE to see him every day. And you have to be "normal" because otherwise other people pick up on it and everything goes to hell.
I wish there was a clear-cut solution to loving your close friend. I dearly, dearly wish for it. But I think Panama's right -- time does at the very least dull everything, blurs the edges enough to move on. Love that blossoms from friendship is the hardest to get rid of, I think, because you already know the person so well. It's unlikely that one day, unless someone else comes along, you'll wake up and just decide you don't love them anymore. Unlike a fleeting crush, they've got you down. They know you, they understand you, that's a major reason why you fall in love with them to begin with. It's that bond that just becomes bond-ier and then you're stuck, and it's extra painful when it just won't happen.
I'm in the same. exact. situation right now. But all the responses have been pretty much spot on, I guess, not that it's easy. I know it's not easy. It feels pretty much impossible (my current situation involves a coworker/close friend, so it adds that extra element of having to see that person daily whether I want to or not). But try to distract yourself and keep an open mind. I try -- I might not succeed totally, but I got over the last one when the new one came along. Unfortunately for me, the new one just happened to put me in the same situation. Next time... ;)
well...he did kind of toy with me :( that's what makes it so hard. Can never tell which side is real. I just don't know what is true or how he feels. Anyway, thank you kind sir for your response. I'm taking a nice vacation soon...here's to hoping it brings some clarity and relief.
The toying is the worst! What I've always told myself is that if he wanted something to happen he would make something happen. I've seen how he is with girls he is interested in, and he isn't wishy-washy about it, he just goes for it. He and I have a weird flirtationship going on, but if he wanted me he would take steps to make it happen. I never knew whether or not to take the flirting seriously, so now I'm moving on. Well, trying to. ;)
You should bookmark this post and come back in a few months to update us on the state of your situation. I know a lot of people relate to you!
First, I love the word flirtationship! Second, I can completely relate to the toying. I had a flirtationship going with a co-worker/friend for 2 years. And like you I kept telling myself, if he wants to make it happen, he will. Then one day, out of the blue, he did! We had something going for two months, and I couldnt' have been happier. At the end of two months he stops talking to me, jumps into a relationship with a new co-worker (had just started a couple months before), and apologizes for ruining our "friendship" and not treating me with the respect he should have. I cut him out (no facebook, emails, IM, texting) and am only courteous if I see him at work, not friendly, which is hard after 2 years of friendship in a casual work environment. For 9 months he has kept his distance from me, but now, has started to come around again. It's like he's trying to get our flirtationship going again, but I can't open myself up to that. I feel as if I'm being toyed with.
A guy who toys with you is clearly genuinely confused about what he wants and/or not the good friend we thought he was. It only took me 9 months to figure that out! Like Panama said, time heals all wounds. I like the part he said about heartbreak is what occurs when we can't understand what happened. Well trust me I'm still working on that part, but at least the fuzziness is starting to clear in my head, and you'll get there too!
OMG!!! yooo this is so damn similar to my case. The only difference is we have already discussed about us but never asked out directly,still he subtly told me that, this will not work out for him because of our age difference (few months) he thinks his parents will make it a big deal, and he's the obedient type.
But still we are so closer to each other as friends. But the strange thing is he flirts & care for me whenever we go out alone. And I'm stuck in a position where I cannot decide whether to hold on, expecting he'll change his way of thinking someday. or to move on, to allow somebody else to enter into my life.I'm so lost not knowing what to do.
"Most heartbreak occurs when we can't understand what happened and we have lingering questions that nag at us."
^ Hits the nail right on the head.
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