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Dearest Wise-Ass, there's a guy at work that likes me and has asked me out. The opportunity is good but the timing is bad; I'm moving an hour away in two months. I want to be single because it's a college town and I want to flirt and party guilt-free. How do I tell him I want to be single without hurting his feelings?

Just tell him the truth. That's almost always the best approach. The alternative is a phony excuse, and there's no need to lie here. Your reasons make perfect sense, and even if they didn't, you have a right to say no regardless.

Whether or not his feelings are hurt is beyond your control; that's his choice. If you're really worried about it, you could play up the "I'm moving away" part and downplay the "I want to be single" part, but that's up to you. There's nothing in your logic that he should take personally.

BUT...allow me one devil's advocate question: you've got two months left there--would it hurt anything to go out with this guy? What if you went out with him but still made it clear that you are not looking for anything serious and will be leaving soon? I doubt things will get serious in two months, anyway, so why not have a good time before you leave? They're just dates, right? Are you worried about falling for this guy instantly? The odds are against it. Just something to think about.

Either way, honesty is the best policy here. You aren't doing anything wrong by saying no, so be straight-up with homey.

Thanks for the question. Have fun at college. I sure did.

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6 Comments

user-pic

They are not exclusive because he asked her out on a date. What is there to explain to him...

Lunita

Yeah, that's the same thing I was thinking. Maybe during the date her move will come up.

silkysly

Go out & have fun. He’s not putting a ring on it…, it’s just dinner. Maybe he doesn’t want a commitment either.

chrissie1101

to me, its only bad timing if one of you is single and the other one isnt. i am of the mindset if you want to make it work you do. an hour away is again, to me, like nothing. that being said, i am also of the mindset that two months from now is two months from now and you haven't even finished thinking about today, so why are you worried about then? i think a lot of us lose out on good opportunities, using your word, because we think too far ahead over something that hasn't even started yet. have fun.

user-pic

I forgot to mention that he was willing to move out to where I will be to make it work. And I guess I've never had an experience where "dating" meant actually going out on dates, it means I'm someone's girlfriend. And serious attachments can definitely happen in two months.

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