No, absolutely not. Some men are in comas or have lost hands in explosions, and many are dead. Seriously though, I had a friend in High School who sore that he had never masturbated in his life (and it was during a game of ten fingers, which I believe is legally binding).

Of course, the fact that I remember my ONE friend who didn't regularly flog the dolphin might suggest that it's not that common of a phenomena. Not only do most men masturbate, most men are masturbating right now.

Let's face it: life is long, and big chunks of it are incredibly boring. There's also a stick of meat attached to our bodies that makes us convulse with pleasure if we touch it for a few minutes. I think you can do the math from there.

Masturbation is totally natural (as is everything monkeys do in public), helps reduce stress, and is completely safe as long as you're not prone to carpal tunnel. And even then, a microwaved banana held in place with some C-clamps is an excellent alternative.

And masturbation isn't strictly a solo activity. Masturbating with your partner can be a new and often hilarious sexual experience. And did you know that statistics show that if everyone masturbated more, there would be no wars?

I guess what I'm saying is, no, all men do not masturbate, but they all should, and so should all women, because it's freaking awesome. Now if you'll excuse me, a banner ad featuring a mildly attractive woman just caught my eye.