Can us menfolks change our minds? Sure. Should you expect it to happen? Not at all. If that man says he's not getting married until he's 30, then you should believe him. Marriage isn't something you enter into all willy nilly. It's not like deciding between wheat or whole grain bread. And it's something he probably feels strongly about.
So no, you shouldn't hope (or expect) that he'll change his mind.
I tend to think that nearly everbody has something they won't budge on. It varies from person to person but for many men, getting married before they're ready to is one of those things. And if he's saying 30, then you should expect that he means 30 and while I know that might annoy you and make you feel like if he loved you, he'd consider it, the truth is, he's drawn his line in the sand. It's your choice whether you cross it or not.
I'll go a step further here too, if you intend to break up with him in hopes that he'll recognize what he's risking losing in order to force his hand, you'd better be prepared to lose him. I know myself, I suck with ultimatums. Almost on principle I'll do the opposite of what you want. Especially if it's on something I've made clear so there are no surprises, which is what seems to be the case here.
If he changes his mind, be pleasantly surprised, but don't expect it to happen.
Damn…, what if she sticks it out & her dumps her & marries someone else? (She could be a place holder.) I mean if he wanted to marry her, wouldn't he do it? There’s a reason why he isn’t…, what about that?
It has nothing to do with how he feels about her or not. You seem to think that he'd be ready to get married when he met the right person--not so! Yes, girls are often ready to marry when they meet "The One," but guys tend to wait till they're at the right time in their life--and then marry who they're with.
If you break up with him, because it is so very important to you to get married sooner, and you intend on finding another man who is willing to marry you, then that is your perogative. Basically if this is a deal breaker issue, and you need to break up with him, do it for you and to move on, not to try to manipulate him. You have every right to know when you want to get married, as he does, maybe this is a major incompatibility. But if you find yourself wanting to do whatever it takes to marry HIM, then maybe he's more important than your timing.
Couldn't have said it better myself. I agree with everything!
You told him what you want and he is sticking to his 5-year plan. If that is too much to ask of you, then break up with him. Marriage is never a good idea when one of you is not ready...
A guy we know marries someone within 6 months of meeting her. Meanwhile his gf waited 10+ years for him to feel differently and when he finally wants to get married - it's not to her...
That's what I was saying.
My girlfriend was crushed because her boyfriend of 6 years wasn’t ready to get married yet. They finally went their separate ways & he married someone within the year.
that would STING!
If I tell my bf seriously I want to get married and he says "when I am 30", I would believe him. I would understand that I am not the one for him...
In this day and age, especially from what I gather from the questions on guyspeak - there really isn't much weight in a persons word anymore. Yes, you would love to believe him that when the time comes round he would follow through on that promise. But who's to say something won't change between now and then? I'd wanna know before I back that horse. If you are a woman wanting to start a family then finding out whether marriage is on the cards and when its on the cards is pretty critical. You don't want to throw away years on a promise that may never be followed through only to realise that it is too late for you to have that family you always wanted. My bf and I have spoken about marriage and I have told I want to be married/if not - making plans for marriage by the time I'm 28. He was all cool with that until a few weeks ago when we were speaking about someone elses marriage he then said that marriage wasn't something he wanted to consider anytime soon. I haven't said anything yet but I am definitely silently reconsidering my options and doubting whether he is the right man for me. I love him, but I'm not throwing my future away on an indecisive idiot who doesn't even know what he wants. Sure, he might not be ready and thats okay but I don't think I will wait around much longer for him to make up his mind.
The last thing the majority of guys want to do is get married. No reason biologically for men to have to hurry. But when it's his idea, you know he is serious... and then he can not wait to get married.
If you want to commit to him and he is not ready, your future together has to be questioned in your mind. Everyone's situation is unique - so how you proceed is up to you. You are a free agent if he is unsure. You can wait for him but it's not official until it's official...
My bf said that too in the beginning. (He's 23 I'm 22) and his mind changed and we are looking at getting married in 2 years. Guys are freaked out by it but show them how awesome you are and they will see how much they want you in their life forever.
Side note my friends bf said that and it really ment "I don't want to marry you ever"
Find somone who wants what you want in life.
My boyfriend has told me he doesn't know what he wants for the future. We've been together for 3 years and he loves me and wants to "work through this together". He's fantastic, we spend all of our time together, he treats me like gold, makes all sorts of plans for the future, etc. He just don't know if marrige is for him. I know him very well and I truly think he wants to get married, but it scares him too much. Enough to never do it... It's hard for me to imagine walking away from something so perfect just because I can't stand the "what if's", but I am also worried that i'll wait and nothing will happen. What do i do?
well i have been with my bf for 13 yrs and have 3 children under 10yrs, i am 33 and he is 34, my heart is breaking, i wish i had known that he never wanted to marry before we had our 1st child, for around the last 4yrs i have wanted to get married, i want the ring, i want the day, i want the title of wife and to have him as my husband, i try to accept that i will never have any of that, then i find myself staying up at night crying, i push him away because i know the only outcome if i want to get married is to leave, but its not just the 2 of us, the children adore him and he loves them more then anything, it would seem selfish of me to split the family up because of what i want, most of our friends are married and always ask me when we are going to tie the knot, i lie and say that we cant afford it, or its just a bit of paper, i cant bring myself to tell my friends that he wont or doesnt want to marry me, i have asked some of our male friends why they married and most of them say they did it for the girl. maybe im not worth it, he says that i am his best friend and that just because he doesnt want to get married doesnt mean he doesnt love me, i have told him that he has done nothing wrong and is not to blame as he has never promised me anything, but i feel the resentment building and in 12 mths, 5yrs even 10yrs i will forever resent him, this is not fair on him but just how i feel,
I hate that I found this article so many months after the fact..
It's the day after Valentine's Day, the second time in a year that I thought he would propose. How embarrassing when you realize there is no ring and that your romantic dinner is now his soap box for why he isn't going to be ready till he is 30.
I'm 28 and he's 27. We've been dating for 6 & 1/2 years. He says he wants to grow old with me, have kids and that he feels married to me right now but that there are things he wants to do before hand and he wants to save money. But what's the difference of being engaged for a couple of years and then getting married when he is 30+? I don't get it and it makes me resent him...he gets everything he wants out of this relationship and I don't, including when it comes to sex. I worry that our love is being replaced with resentment and that by my 29th birthday there will be nothing left to save.