I think you're confusing "getting turned on" and "freezing like a deer in headlights." That thing where we stop whatever we were doing, awkwardly hug you and say "oh...oh no" is an instinctive reaction that is about as far from sex as you can get without a Burka and a priest's collar.
See, as big manly killin' machines, tears are foreign to us. When you cry, we have no option but to ride it out. Even--no, ESPECIALLY--in the middle of a fight, your tears are like a tranq dart right to the part of our brain that tells us spitting and swear words are cool.
It's like the nuclear warhead of stuff girls can do. From the surliest cop to the most effeminate (but still totally hardcore) relationship advice blogger, lady tears will stop most any guy in his tracks. Not that I'm encouraging you to take advantage of this fact for your own private gain.
Maybe there's a guy out there for whom a damsel in obvious distress is a turn on, but I'd expect that guy to have some baggage you may not want to deal with down the line. In general, if your guy can provide a shoulder to cry on and refrain from "trying to fix it," consider yourself lucky.
Maybe the questioner was confused because guys sometimes like to solve fights with sex.. and ladies sometimes cry during sex and so they have make-up sex after she cries? Thats my best theory.
Crying during sex freaks us out on so many levels. Are we really that bad? Do you want me to stop? Does this make me some kind of sex offender? Oh man, I'm going to have to inform my neighbours every time I move into a new place.
Men associate crying with negative emotions; after all, it's a woman's trump card in an arguement. I understand, women sometimes cry when they get emotional, but as Arnie said in Terminator 2: 'I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do.'
the only times i cry in front of my bf is during my period when i am really emotional and i just can't help it and when we are saying good bye and I know i won't be seeing him for a few days. In either of these situations he is totally loving and sweet, but not at all turned on...or off. He thanks its kinda cute, either because I am just so emotional i can't help it or because he knows that i am crying because i care for him so much.
Totes. Crying can be touching, moving, frightening, etc. I just don't think I've ever been put "in the mood" by my sobbing girlfriend.
tears are the anti-viagara hahahahahahahaha awesome!
if I'm crying because I'm so frustrated that i cant contain all the emotion, then for some reason the solution is "want me to ______ " (insert some form of foreplay) according to my man... thats great except when I'm that mad, it's usually at him, lol. Needless to say though, after he pushes me a little harder and I eventually give in, its usually the best sex, lol.
I dont think my tears turn him on, but i do think that he believes sex might be a temporary solution to my problems. Plus, its a pretty good way to get me to shut up with the whining : ).
Crying and fighting often leads to great sex, but I still wouldn't say the crying itself is what gets your man in the mood. It's more like the sex is our counter-attack.
My first serious boyfriend would pick fights with me JUST to make me cry because he thought it was hot. I thought it was just flat out mean of him to do that but I was 19 stupid and 'in love' and it was my first seroius relationship so I didn't know better. Now my most recent ex has told me guys who do shit like that are SO fucked up! It actually made my current ex mad that I had a guy in my life that did that to me.
Guys should be able to offer a hug or some kind words of things being ok then LATER after things have calmed down can do the groove thing. The guy who made me cry cuz he thought it was hot really did damage to me so gals if you have a guy who makes you feel bad for stupid pointless shit then cut the strings now before YOU develop phobias about guy behaviours.
Wow, Meepa, I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's awful.
The closest I came to that was my first b/f who would mess with me until I started getting angry and starting to cry, then he would laugh at me like I was funny and not to be taken seriously. Not only was there no shoulder to lean on, he would proceed to piss me off until I became uncontrollable.
Evidently this was a source of great amusement for him; what's weird is that I'm actually a calm, patient person who rarely gets angry.
Someone who plays games like this should be dumped ASAP. No foolin.
What if these were tears of joy because the sex was so amazing?
My bf gets turned on when I cry. He doesn't try to provoke me or be mean to me but if I'm crying about something else, he'll get excited. He doesn't pressure me to do anything about it, but since I know that he's turned on we usually end up having sex or something...I think it actually kind of makes me feel better lol.
My boyfriend doesn't like it when I cry (although I usually don't cry, like ever) but when I do it's always at silly little things. Like a few weeks ago we watched Pixar's Up, and I cried at the very beginning (one little tear, not bawling or anything). I was embarrassed, but my boyfriend just leaned over and told me he thought it was sweet. He said it reminds him how sensitive I am and that he loves that I have a big heart. It was so cute, but in no way were either of us turned on.
can you believe i've actually been told by a man i loved, "i wish you'd cry more" ? see, i don't. i learned not to a long, long time ago. he knew that, but he also knew that anytime he tried to get closer to me, i'd shut down. he's seen me come close when i watched Animal Precinct--my eyes would definitely tear up but tears remain suspended-- or if i was concerned about my pets' health. but other than that, i don't and i didn't then either.
I dated a guy who was super-turned on by crying women. I couldn't figure out why he would always come home happy and animated on days when he had stories about how he'd made one of the women he supervised start to cry. Then I realized he was always trying to make me cry and then pitching a tent. So I dumped him. Best move I've ever made. He had a lot of other issues too. Obvs.
Swaim, thank you for including "refrain from 'trying to fix it'". I think some guys see an upset girl as their chance to be a hero, without realizing that not everything is about them, and sometimes a person just feels something, and doesn't need to be 'rescued'. This belief in their own heroic manliness is probably what's turning them on, if anything is.
I see what you mean. I started crying and my boyfriend just stopped talking and stared at me. :/ He tried to calm me down, though.
I dont get turned on, If a women is crying im afraid to say somthing to make it worst
My husband usually get turned on when I cry, or if, for any reason, he cries. He rarely cries and doesn't taunt me or anything to make me cry. But if I am sad and crying or vice versa, or if I am crying because of an argument he shows the physical signs of Being turned on and tends to act on it. It's not a bad thing, necessarilly, but it can be annoying when I just want skeins to let me cry. I wonder if it's a chemical response. When a woman cries do her hormones rise? Do I secret more estrogen or copulance/copulence because of serious emotional stress?
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Turned on? Not if we are married to her. But if is it one of those early dates and she is opening up to us with all the waterworks, then we know that she will be opening up to us in more enjoyable ways too.
Like a hunter smelling the next kill...when a woman becomes vulnerable. But when it's the Mrs., we know that whatever it is, we want to just fix it to get past it, and she only wants us to listen and console her. Completely foreign territory. That's why I send my gay brother to help out. He's great at it.
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No confusion at all. Yes, some guys do get turned on when girls cry. many simply don't tell anyone about it.
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I found this post because whenever I am having a bad day and go to my room and cry my husband comes in and tries
to have sex I tell him no but by that point he is already ready. So I give in. But I think it's the STRANGEST thing that I have finally noticed that whenever I am sad or crying he will come give me a good pounding...
I'm a guy and I like it when girls cry, but not in a sexual way. When I see my girlfriend crying, I see this as a chance to be there for her and embrace her. The feeling is that of great love for each other and not that of sexual desire or lust. I just love being there for her and love when she is there for me. I think this whole "turned on by crying" debate is a result of confusion between what is love and what is sex.