You know, my default answer is HELL YEAH! Except, it's not totally true. Not for all men anyway. You'll often hear men say that they'd be excited to have a woman approach them and it would make things easier and all that jazz, but the truth is, women approaching men throws off the male vs. female Mars Venus dynamic.
Men like to do manly things. We like to feel like we know more car stuff than you do. We secretly like taking out the trash because that's a man's job...plus, it lets us get out of the house for a few minutes of freedom. Approaching (and eventual rejection) is a manly thing.So when women approach men, it puts us in an awkward space of being the prey. And frankly, being the prey sucks at times (not always, we'll get there).
For a lot of guys, their best material - assuming we even have any - is what we come out of the gate with. When you approach us, we have to react to what you say and let's be real, a man who's interested in a woman who just so happened to approach him is probably going to fumble while doing his best job not to fumble. It's messy. Like drunken sex. We're usually prepared to for you to say no and have comebacks. But to be the person who's being pursued and making the determination and trying to maintain some cool? We're usually just not good at that.
On the other hand, you have some guys who are just that good at dealing with quick turnaround situations. They know what to say because their ladies men at heart anyway so they know how to respond and turn the situation back to its natural state so that the woman, who's made the first move, is not the prey. It's a thing of beauty, actually.
I almost think you can eyeball a guy and determine how he'll respond or if he'll be welcoming and won't irritate you after you approach. There's a certain swagger and confidence in some guys that's palpable and visual from afar.
The direct approach is always best. You know why? Because if you've been making indirect overtures in his direction and he hasn't bitten, he's probably not interested. But if you're perseverent, then you may as well just hit him with the 1-2, "hi buddy, you DID see me staring you down over there, right?"
If he's not a d-bag, he'll laugh and make small talk and eventually take you home and wax dat azz. If he is a d-bag he might try to play you like BooBoo The Fool in which case you have every right to stab him with a cocktail stirrer.
Oh, and "hi there" should work wonders. It puts him in a place where he can take back over.
It was written.
This is something I've been meaning to do for a long time. Approach a guy in a social setting. I recently struck up a convo on the bus and it was great until he told me he was fresh out of rehab and on his way to an AA meeting.
Bit it's a start!
I'm always impressed by a girl who's not afraid to make a move, or spark up conversation. Mind you, if I'm out and about, I'm normally pretty engaged in whatever I'm doing, and have a tendency to 'tunnel vision' a bit. I don't take a whole lot of notice of 'subtle signals' that may or may not be going on around me.
Striking up conversation at the bar or something would be a much more effective way to get my attention. Hey, buy me a drink while you're at it! You'll have my undivided attention for at least the next half hour. And if a girl can hold my attention, I don't mind doing the chasing from there, either.
Oh, the perils of approaching a guy. Going to a very Catholic school, every girl I know has felt the pain of meeting someone, talking just long enough to get interested, and then hearing that fateful sentence..."I'm going to seminary."
???????? I grew up Catholic and I'm Irish to add insult to injury. I have NEVER EVER heard that. Ever. Damn, that is tough. Wow. I bet their gay or just weren't that interested. I bet that is the Catholic boy cop out! Yep, that's it!
I'm sure for some of them it is, but it's been a few years now and some of them ARE in seminary, or have already been ordained and are priests. Worst part of it is, on my campus, they're usually the best boyfriend material (except for the whole priesthood thing), so one of my friends coined the term Father What-A-Waste.
Fuck the social dynamic, in my opinion. Go for it.
All right then!
I've been crushing on a guy for a while now, and pretty sure it's mutual, but neither of us have stepped up. His signals are "open" - like he is waiting for me to toss a ball. I wanted HIM to make the move - you know, be a "man". But really it may be a confidence issue on my part. I am invested in a particular outcome, I think. If I run across a guy at a club or a bar, and think of approaching - it's easier because I haven't had time to build my world around him. Not quite as invested. I could easily belly up and say, "hi", and really not care what he thinks about me for doing it. Positive response - great; negative response - moving on....
I made the approach on my boyfriend and he was very receptive, on the otherhand I did the same thing with a previous guy and was totally rejected. so I guess it depends on the guy.
I have no problem approaching a guy. But I've always been told that men love to chase. I think it's true.
I recently made a move on a man via a gift and direct "I find you intriguing" note to his house. I felt like he was sending positive vibes and was maybe just too shy to ask me out, so I figured hey, why not? It was waaay out of character for me and I get butterflies just thinking about the fact that I actually did it. It was my first time making the first move, and I think I was rejected :( (He hasnt called and it has been two days which I cant believe cause I thought any man would be flattered even if not interested and would atleast call to say thanks but Im not interesed ) Anywho, I think my balls are here to stay and I would definitely do it again. I feel relieved knowing that I know for sure whether he is interested and that I am not playing "what if" mind games with myself. Hmmm, but what if he is just too shy to call me back... lol.
thanks, man. i found this helpful, especially for a shy girl like me. i think i would be better with the direct approach though, i can't do the eye contact from across the room thing very well. haha! thanks again.
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I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this site. Keep up the good work.
I agree
ALL men do not like to chase ( like dogs after a moving vehicle) and I know
that I could never play such a one-sided game which favors women. I just
will not be treated by way of such a double standard. Can't do it.