To get a dumb guy, yes. Dumb guys hate smart girls. When they meet a brainy lady, they get confused and punch the nearest wall with their thick, caveman-like fists. Their faces get red, steam comes out of their ears and they "hulk out" and rampage around the city. Eventually they pass out and dream about puppies. Dumb guys are easy to snag-- all you need is a coloring book and a net. You'll never land a quality guy by playing dumb.
You should never, ever dumb yourself down to get a guy. Devil's advocate: let's say you meet a guy you like, and you're worried that he'll be intimidated by your big brain. So you play dumb, bat your eyelashes, laugh at his terrible jokes and tell him that he's really on to something with his theory about how Jesus used to ride around on dinosaurs. Then what? Eventually, the sex will get dull and you'll have to talk to each other. How long do you want to keep up the facade? At some point, he'll realize you're actually pretty bright--and you'll wish he wouldn't push when the door says "pull." Why live a lie? Be yourself.
I know what you're thinking: "The geek likes smart women. What about other guys?" Contrary to popular belief, most men are attracted to intelligent women. Being mentally stimulated is as important, if not more, than the other kind of stimulation. There is nothing hotter than a smart, witty woman who can banter with the best of them. Philosophical debates can be hot. A gal who geeks out over historical facts, or speaks several languages, is ridiculously sexy. We want you to be thoughtful and have opinions. The way you care about political causes and art enriches our lives and makes us better men. Challenge us. Teach us. School us. You know that saying "Learn something new every day"? I prefer to think of it as "Learn something new from someone every day."
If the men you meet are intimidated by your intelligence, maybe it's time to find a higher class of guys. You know who is intimidated by smart women? Stupid men who think they're smart but are actually pompous ass-monkeys. I really cannot stand the idea of dumbing yourself down to meet a guy. The problem is that some men (and often women) equate "smart" with "snobby." It's not that guys don't want a smart woman-- they don't want a snob who lords their mental superiority over everyone within earshot. If you're a sweet, humble person, and a guy is still threatened by your intelligence, he is a douche-troll with major self-confidence issues who isn't worth your time.
You should never, ever dumb yourself down to get a guy. Devil's advocate: let's say you meet a guy you like, and you're worried that he'll be intimidated by your big brain. So you play dumb, bat your eyelashes, laugh at his terrible jokes and tell him that he's really on to something with his theory about how Jesus used to ride around on dinosaurs. Then what? Eventually, the sex will get dull and you'll have to talk to each other. How long do you want to keep up the facade? At some point, he'll realize you're actually pretty bright--and you'll wish he wouldn't push when the door says "pull." Why live a lie? Be yourself.
I know what you're thinking: "The geek likes smart women. What about other guys?" Contrary to popular belief, most men are attracted to intelligent women. Being mentally stimulated is as important, if not more, than the other kind of stimulation. There is nothing hotter than a smart, witty woman who can banter with the best of them. Philosophical debates can be hot. A gal who geeks out over historical facts, or speaks several languages, is ridiculously sexy. We want you to be thoughtful and have opinions. The way you care about political causes and art enriches our lives and makes us better men. Challenge us. Teach us. School us. You know that saying "Learn something new every day"? I prefer to think of it as "Learn something new from someone every day."
If the men you meet are intimidated by your intelligence, maybe it's time to find a higher class of guys. You know who is intimidated by smart women? Stupid men who think they're smart but are actually pompous ass-monkeys. I really cannot stand the idea of dumbing yourself down to meet a guy. The problem is that some men (and often women) equate "smart" with "snobby." It's not that guys don't want a smart woman-- they don't want a snob who lords their mental superiority over everyone within earshot. If you're a sweet, humble person, and a guy is still threatened by your intelligence, he is a douche-troll with major self-confidence issues who isn't worth your time.
This just makes me love and appreciate Mr Nadal (which means christmas in Catalan FYI) even more. :-)
Thank you as always.
Where do you FIND intelligent guys? Discounting the library/book stores (I know that's where you go, but you can't start a good conversation in there) the internet (too much danger of weirdness) where the heck do you smart, IloveawomanforherbrainsandnotbecauseI'mazombie men live?
This answer also touches on this:
http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/there-are-always-tons-of-guys-hitting-on-me-im-also-getting-my-phd-for-some-reason-the-guy-i-want-to/index.php#comment-10156
I feel like "smart women" are to men what "nice guys" are to men. We SAY we want them... but in actuality that's not really what people want, or at least, in my experience.
Guys can say they want a smart girl, but its been my experience that I never go out with guys in my classes. I'm at college...I'll just say a UC to remain anonymous, and I feel like guys from classes are either intimidated or turned off. Guys can say they like smart women, but from what I've seen, they sure as hell don't want someone who scores higher than them on all the tests. When guys say "I want a smart lady" it means "I want a girl who's intelligent but not more so than me" in the similar way that girls mean "I want a nice guy...... (but who's not a wuss and has sex appeal)". There's a disclaimer that's implied in qualities we say we want in people, at least, that's my impression.
Indeed! I completely agree with you on the disclaimer. Guys tend to want to dominate in just about every arena, they're competitive, and it's part of not only how they're programmed, it's a gender role set down upon them from on high (we need not mention who it was that set it). Also, it's true that women don't want someone that doesn't seem assertive enough. It's usually a sign that when the going gets rough, their guy's not going to be able to back them up. Like Nick says though, it's hard to be attracted to a person (no matter what sex) if they're pedantic.
Are you the quiet and smart girl or the hangs out with everyone and has fun with the guys smart girl? Because maybe its not so much that you are smarter than them, its more that you don't put yourself out there, know what I mean? I'm just throwing out some guesses to you though so dont take offense.
oh, I am definitely not quiet! I'm a very friendly, tell crazy stories to groups kind of girl. Seriously, I could chat with anyone. Its not meeting people outside of class that's the problem at all. I meet guys all the time outside of class. I just feel like the guys IN my classes are intimidated. It's just annoying that the group of guys i spend more time with like friends as opposed to someone I talk to for a bit at a party is scared off. Its also super annoying that guys at parties are mostly just talking to you so they can get you into bed... grrrrrr (at least at my college, if you knew which one you'd nod understandingly haha). Grow up, men! or should I say boys!
Somehow I didnt think you were a quiet one.....we tend to agree pretty often and both seem pretty outspoken, lol.
Maybe you are in their friend zone...walk in looking uber hot one day and see the reactions...maybe they will attempt to put on some moves...or maybe they are respectable and trying not to disrespect you....we call those gentlemen.
dudes at parties are just like wall art to me....I look, I admire, I keep walking, lol.
I've had "you're smarter than me" said to me oh so many times. And only because I can remember the date and time of the formation of the Catholic Church. And I only remember it because I found it to be interesting. That doesn't make me smarter than him. God these guys can be so fraking shallow.
"douche-troll"??? Hahahahaha. Oh, have I known some men who I'd like to retroactively award THAT title to.
Thanks Nick. Your nerdolicious comments are the ISH.
:)
I've had several of my guy-friends tell me, outright, that "smart" means, in the immortal words of one of them, "smart enough to realise how smart I am, but no smarter than me". "Smart" isn't an actual measure of intelligence (however you want to measure that!), it's an attitude. You can both be as clever as one another but what matters more is how good you are at flirting, how good you are at making conversation, etc. From my experience, unless you agree, philosophical debates can lead to tears, if both sides have very strong stances -- and it boils down to ethics very often. My friend, who is "as smart" as me if not smarter, gets all the guys -- this, she says, is a matter of attitude -- and I don't find any evidence to contradict this point. She says it's a matter of flirting, and also making the guy feel equally clever (this means she sometimes plays stupid though) and involved or whatever. I'm not sure, because I can't quite grasp this informal sociological theory >_
See, I guess I do this without realizing it, only I sure as hell dont dumb myself down for people. When I have an intellectual conversation with someone, I never know everything and neither do they, so there are times they have to explain things to me (which makes them feel smart) and times when I have to explain things to them (which makes them think that I'm smart). So it almost comes off as flirting once I smile a lot and throw in some sassy comments and flash them "the look". Maybe thats it...... ladies, try practicing your "look" the one you can shoot at a guy that says "I'm really trying my hardest not to jump your bones right now because you are so smart, handsome, sexy, manly, etc and I just wanted you to know that I really think you are someone that could rock my world". Once you get it down, break it out often, but dont let it go any further than just conversation 98% of the time, lol.
LOL! Great advice!
Really, the only times I've been able to get a boyfriend is when I dumb myself down. Now that I've been unwilling to do this anymore, I can't get approached to save my life (except for the creepy men old enough to be my father). When I approach them, they assume all I want is sex.
Not that it really matters if I have a boyfriend or not, but it gets a bit lonely sometimes. Guess I'll just have to keep looking.
Me too girlie.
I don't flaunt it but I literally have an IQ of 160 (above genius) and, even though I know how to mimic the attitude that men seem to want - I know I can do it well/accurately because when I put on 'the act', I get an inordinate amount of flattering but shallow complements from men that exude douchiness and malintent - I haven't yet found someone in my age range that appreciates me, for me.
If I'm just myself, the only men that still hang around with me are a) using me for last minute study help or b) too intimidated(?) to do something about it or c) unattractive/boring.
I'm hoping grad school changes the sort of people I get to hangout with. I am studying in a male-dominated field, after all.
Hopefully, there's still hope for us both! (:
I really think it all boils down to the 3 Properties of Douchyness: immaturity, vapidity, and pretentiousness. If the man you are so inclined to take interest in exhibits any of these characteristics, ladies---run to the hills and run for your life, like the Iron Maiden song says.
P.S. Also, if you're mainly looking for men at bars, I must make this addendum: If you're fishing in the toilet, you're going to get turds.
Your addendum was awesome!
made me smile a little after my not so great day...thanks!
I'm so glad I could help! It may sound silly, but it makes my day that I have made yours.
I can only really speak for myself here, but I love being able to have intelligent conversation with a woman and not see her eyes glaze over when I start geeking out over science or history or art. I want someone who can challenge my thoughts and views, someone who loves to read for the sake of reading, someone who's not content with a small minded world view, and who's not afraid to call me out when I'm being a dick.
That last one isn't necessarily related, but it's important nonetheless.
So right on the nose!
My God, you sound wonderful.
Sigh...
Ah man, the comment I worked on got eaten. :(
I had another thought on this. It could be an issue of personalities, too.
At least as to the why smart girls aren't finding guys interested in smart girls in at their colleges/in their classes.
I may be biased due to having an ENTP type personality (the "lawyer"). One of the 2 ideals for the ENTP is the INTJ (the "scientist"), but the ideals of the INTJ are ENTP and ENFP (the "inspirer"). So it very may well be a case like Lorraine noted that the are finding other "scientist" types who are looking for someone "smart enough to realize how smart they are."
I know personality science is still considered a little "quirky" but there are some definite realities in it.
You do have a point there, but then that would mean that most guys don't like smart girls because their personalities are different. That doesn't really make sense because if intelligence should be an over-all attractive trait, personality shouldn't have much to do with that.
Anyway, it probably all boils down to society, the media, and whether or not a guy minds if a girls on top.
I'm an ENTJ..."the leader"... but I score really close to a ENFJ so I'm not as "cold" as my perceived profile is. LOL whats my match? I know it says I need to be with someone with a strong sense of self, and that's totally true. Wimps need not apply!
@Rach
One of my comments had some links, but it's "waiting for approval".
Here is one for you. I found this site very handy:
personalitypage dot com /ENTJ dot html
At the bottom is a link to relationships. Anyone can just put their 4 letters in to get to their page.
@Sophie
Oh I know it's not the whole story, but it could be at least a partial insight as to why the type of guys in close proximity to smart girls aren't as much into them. I would say that the majority of guys don't mind a smart girl and many are downright turned on by them.
I understand what you mean. I think a good portion of it is if the girl has other attractive traits to go along with intelligent, like: humorous, approachable, non-judgmental, etc. If you lack most of these traits, then intelligence isn't going to score you anything.
where exactly do i find out what I am?
The personality typing I referred to is called Enneagram. A quick google search along with free personality test leads to several potential test sites.
However, I do recommend using that as a baseline. Sometimes different tests and different moods can offset the test. So take the time to check out some of the type sites such as personalitypage dotcom or typelogic dotcom to compare and contrast. I'm definitely an ENTP, but occasionally a test will be off be a letter. When I sit down and check out the descriptions, I find that there may be aspects of the other types that are similar, but my core is ENTP.
Never hurts...
What a lovely day for a 3208856! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 4972336! SCK was here
I'm an INTJ female. People think I'm snobby, but smart isn't all the rage. So, I haven't any idea what people are talking about. It's not arrogant to say my eyes are blue, so why is it arrogant to say my IQ is 140?
Why am I threatening to men? My sister is an F-type and she accused her ex husband in court of abusing her because he supposedly told her to call him the boss. She appears non threatening...she never appears too smart or dresses too casual. This was the third victim of her perceived domestic abuse (saying the wrong thing) and the second man to lose his child. She is soft spoken, but a man hurting her feelings result in a decision that could ruin his life. A Venus fly trap is sweet too.
The T doesn't mean unemotional. In fact my tertiary function is Fi or introverted feeling. The T means that my J (judgment) or decisions are made by thought.
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