It's a cycle, really. Loneliness, happiness, sadness. Over and over, until you (and I) decide to open up. It's all bout how much you're willing to sacrifice to be happy.

I think in someways it is possible. When I met my bf I was a totally different person - infact I was a bit of a cold-hearted witch. I had no respect for men and was a bit ruthless when it came to their feelings. When guys got in any way emotionally close to me, I dropped them - without explanation, completely disappearing from their life. When they told me they thought they were in love with me, I laughed in their face. It was pretty horrible and shameful but it was my strategy to save my heart from being broken again, and I didn't care who else got hurt in the process. I was really mean. When I met my current bf 4 yrs ago he didn't stand any of it - he called me out on all of my crap, all of my little games - forcing me to confront things I didn't want to. He didn't walk away when I had said something awful to him - he fought back. When i pushed him he pushed me back harder. I wasn't used to men standing up to me in this way, it infuriated me and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just leave. He was patient when we had the same senseless argument over and over again. And most of all he refused to let me run away. He held on to me so tightly that their was no choice but for my walls to come down to let him in. I know it sounds incredibly cheesey but he taught me how to love again. I don't know if he's *the one or the *the right person but he is definitely someone who had the patience to stick around and love me enough to put me together again. I will always be grateful for that.

I wondered the same thing myself from time to time. Mist is right about trust in the wall blog, but I would also have to say it’s about patience too. Patience with yourself. I have this huge giving heart. I had to realize, when it’s healed & ready to love again.., it will. Am I there? I’m closer than I was last week & closer than the week before that. I can say this with certainty…, I’m confident that my happily ever after is in my ‘not so distant’ future. I think the longer the relationship the longer it takes your heart to heal. Well, that’s my opinion anyway…

It depends on the type of walls I guess. Because there's a difference between not letting anyone in because you don't feel they're right for you and just closing your mind off to any possibilities completely.
To some extent we need walls so we don't throw ourselves whole-heartedly at every person who comes along, but if you feel like you're trapping yourself into a lifetime of loneliness then I agree that it should be you who starts to work on that so when you do find someone worth letting in you're ready for them.

The right person can be important in helping to bring down/adjust your walls to "reasonable" levels. It does take real work, and effort, and LOADS of open and honest communication.

It took me a long time to decide that I truly wanted to have a wonderful relationship in my life, as I'd never had a really good example set for me.
Taking the steps to break down the walls and learn how to be partner in a good relationship was more terrifying then the one way plane ticket halfway across the country I bought almost 7 years ago.

Sometimes the choice is really hard to make, but if you don't take action, there will not be any re-action. Everything in life is choice, from why and who we trust, to the decision between cheerios and milk or bacon and eggs in the morning. What do YOU truly want?

I really liked this answer. I was terrified of hurting other people and likewise getting hurt in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic. It took a lot of work to get over that fear and push through it. There was a lot of pain over the course of my relationship with my guy, but he wanted to be there for me all through it, and I want to do the same for him. Working through everything has made me a stronger, better person, and I want to continue improving myself for me, and him.

love hurts, even when it works out. especially when it works out i think. that's why they call it a risk. i'm the worst person to answer any sort of wall question as well, but i did just say on dan's post that the work is easier than you think and it works two ways. you get out of it what you put into it. so if you put the effort in, it IS worth it.you create the outcome, so MM is saying, which is it you want, loneliness or love? it is a REALLY hard question when you've got those walls though. dont wait for "the one" to help you with those though because i have a feeling "the one" doesnt even show up until they are down, anyway.

POSTERN.