Yes, casual sex exists. But it's always more casual for one person. I also believe it can only exist between two people for a very short term. Eventually, someone will get attached.
Casual sex can be fun, empowering, and a great way to clear sinuses. It can even be healthy. Banging it out jungle-style with someone who's only responsibility is to nibble, stroke, or suck whatever it is that needs nibbling, stroking, or sucking is liberating.
But... when it comes to two people sharing their bodily fluids, expectations are of the up most importance. I slept with this woman once. I knew going in it was casual, because she straight up told me it was. I was to be her plaything, and I happily offered my services.
The first time we did it, it was a tornado of hair, fingers, and nipples. And I left right after. Literally, caught my breath, put on my pants, and bailed. Per her instructions. The second time, I stayed a little longer. We cracked jokes. She got us glasses of orange juice. I used her bathroom to wash the sex off of me. And I left. The third time I stayed the night. I knew it was casual. She had just broken up with a boyfriend. I knew this. But I still watched her while she slept. I was the living embodiment of that that awful Aerosmith song that goes "Don't wanna close my eyes/Don't wanna fall asleep/Cause I'll miss you, and I don't want to miss a thing."
Creepy!
I never saw her again. She texted a few times, and I cruelly ignored them. Mainly because I knew I couldn't keep it cool. I was going to fall for her, and I pulled the ejector seat. I think it was the smart thing to do. I liked the way she smelled too much.
There is a subtle border between casual booty and the early stirrings of attachment. Find out where that is, build a tall fence, and remember which side you're on.
Very true. Though ironically, all of my relationships started out with casual sex and slowly the two of us just allowed ourselves to fall for one another. And they have been long, happy relationships too.
Really? any of the people you casually sexed have a partner at the same time? im kinda in that situation so just wondering...
Lua, that is really interesting. I hear so much about people who try to start off romantic and end up being just booty call, while yours is opposite. It's nice to know that there isn't just one rigid path of falling in love.
Thanks reformed player for this answer. I feel that this question gets answered in black or white depending on what moral stance people take on casual sex, not what actually happens between people.
So you bailed because you knew you would fall for her, not because you weren't that into her. Interesting. Looking back on it, the guy I dated who was in the Navy was a total mess but I fell for him hard. Not sure why. I knew he fell too but then started ignoring me. In the back of my mind I would always hear "he didn't want to drag you down with him" but I just thought he was being a horrible jerk. Now maybe the back of my mind was right.
I think this too sometimes, but am wary of these thoughts for fear of assuming things out of wishful thinking. However, it is nice to know that not all guys (even a reformed player) have real, dare I say 'chick-like', emotions in these type of situations.
I think that it is interesting that you (reformed player) was the person who fell and not the woman. In most cases I think it is always the women who end up getting attached. I know that has been the case with me. I meet guys I really like them and they never want a relationship. One guy I met I went ahead and engaged in friends with benefit thing just to see if I could handle it and I couldn't because I already had feelings for him. In the end I got my feelings hurt because he made it very obvious that he was sleeping with other people.
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I just found the answer I am looking for, even though i already knew it, I had to read it. Thank you Curiousgirl24!!! (i was u in my situation) Friends with benefits probably best works out only in the movies!
Sunshine31
i had a male friend who i was attached to, i was married at the time, obiousley my marriage was falling apart, this guy was my ex husbands friend and co/worker. he at one time expressed his interest, we really did hit it off and argued. he met a girl down the block with 3 kids he none. he told me to move on and that she made him feel good about himself...ok? i was devastated. i have feelings for him and after not talking to him for 9 months.
men seem to move on better than women, or seem to put out those signals and pull back.
I think it can exist but not very easily. Boundaries have to discussed and maintained. Being honest with one another is important but, at the core of it, being honest with yourself is the most important aspect and even harder to attain.
I agree with the Reformed Player, "when it comes to two people sharing their bodily fluids, expectations are of the up most importance." or as Arthur Miller wrote, "God help me, I lusted, and there is a promise in such sweat."
Very few people, both men and women, can truly stay aloof enough to enjoy casual sex without being a detached robot or making the other person feel used. It takes a huge a mount of self awareness and honesty to not get attached emotionally. And to find another person with those same characteristics, even harder.
Hey fwbs and casual sex can turn into something more serious but I dont recommend going into it thinking that it might happen. I did the FWB thing with a guy for two years. And now weve been exclusively seeing eachother for three in addition to the two. And he was the one who pushed me for the relationship. And yes there were alot of times he wanted out for the reason he would fall too hard if he let himself. And eventually he did let himself. But only after he about lost me twice. You take yoyr chances there thou.
Way to make her feel like SHE was the problem by not texting her back.
This is perfect advice! As soon as you recognize feelings other than a friend or sex partner: BAIL BAIL BAIL!
Be an adult. Be decent. Let them know (without giving it all away) that it's best to be friends only for your personal reasons/feelings.
I can truly attest to this being the best way. I recently ended some AMAZING sexual encounters with my best friend/ex boyfriend because I starting getting that butterfly feeling when he'd text.
It becomes too complicated and you open yourself up to potential hurt.