I could write an essay here. and am indeed tempted to. Short answer though is YES!
Women expect too much of men, just as men expect too much of women.
I am not talking the piddling stuff - "Take out the trash, wash the dishes for once, stop using my razor, socks are not a Christmas present" sort of thing. i am talking this crap about "He completes me, or I can't live without him."
Balls.
You are a complete person in your own right. You need completing by a guy no more that the Met needs a one man band playing a tin whistle. He is too, and you had best remember that.
The image of the handsome prince sweeping you off your feet and you living happily ever after is a powerful one. The handsome prince has a castle full of servants to do his and your bidding. Your prince has himself and you.
A relationship, to be successful, must be between equals and conducted with respect on both sides. He isn't your servant. Stop treating him as such. You are not his servant. Don't let him treat you as such.
You are partners.
There is a huge difference between holding someone's hand to get over the rough patches in life and relying on them to carry you over those same rough patches. The first is a partnership between equals, holding each other up. The second diminishes both of you terribly. You because you are not working to your full potential, him because, well, most guys are simply not that strong in the long term.
You can flip the genders and the exact same thing still applies.
Sorry if this rambles slightly - I am somewhat tired.
Tiring is the word alright.
We (people) are not walking sticks, for others to lean so heavily on us. My last ex was using me to carry him through all of his hardest problems, and though God knows I tried, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for him, because he expected so much more from me and he ended up falling out of love with me. It wasn't enough for me, because I was growing so tired and I was starting to resent him, while channeling his (very negative) outlooks in life.
What we have to eventually realise is that in order to be happy with a partner, we have to be happy, or at least comfortable, with ourselves. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it's true. It's a lesson you learn dhe hard way.
So really, MM is right. We have to stop expecting so much from our partners and start expecting a little more from ourselves.
I agree, but I noticed that men “say” they want someone who will stand by them. I find that they tend go for the needy ones though. They then get troubled by the dependence the person has on them.
that's true. sooooo so very true. "troubled" is kind of an understatement lol A lot of men can't handle confident women that have NO expectations outside of simple manners. they say they do, they say they want that, but long term they cant handle it.
I agree w/ MM!
But on the other hand, a great part of the "sticking glue" in many relationship is the idea of someone to take care of you (through good and bad times) and vice-versa, being with a guy who also needs you "to be a better person".
This is not the best scenario, but it happens in 95% of cases, lol. Women get too attached, and once the needy-ness starts to fade with time it's when you start to believe that your SO is not meeting your expectations.
Right now I'm going through a phase where I fell like I need my boyfriend more than he needs me. I know it's nonsense, but still it makes me feel miserable. How to deal with that? How not to have so much expectations?
This thread is so spot-on. I don't know how we can start now expecting so much of each other. I guess it starts with ourselves. First we have to learn how to carry ourselves well through bad times and develop good relationships with friends. Then when things seem quite satisfactory, accept a cherry on that already well-crafted ice cream sundae. But don't grab a cherry and think it can support the rest of the sundae! Well, that's my philosophy on it. Jenny McCarthy said something like that on Oprah..
Seriously, I do not believe that I would be the same person without my husband. He completes me and makes me a better person in every way. He has vision and I back him up and support him. He starts things and I finish them. We are a good team... I morosely sometimes think about what life would be like without him, me raising our young daughter by myself - I am definitely a stronger more confident person with my husband around. He tones down my tendencies to be strict and overprotetive. I will not ever make mistakes on my own doing what I think is right but I will also be less experimental and adventurous without him... Individually I would be fine but without him I would not be who I am now. Definitely a lesser version of myself now in my opinion...
I'd not be the same person without my lady. Pre her, to be totally honest, I was a bit of a jerk. OK, a lot of a jerk. Arrogant as hell (yes, I know - still am), defensive and very bitter.
Just knowing she is there helps me over the rough spots. Knowing she needs my hand keeps me focussed. But I would never insult her by doing things for her! We are a partnership.
Sounds like you two are too. Count your blessings.
Mr. Mystery you are creeping me out because your timing writing this is absolutely impeccable for me. I needed to hear this, and I need to hear it harshly. I wrote you a question about something similar about how to learn to enjoy being complete single and your own person without dating without hooking up and all, and I think this definitely hit this on the head. I so appreciate your words!!
Thank you!
My pleasure. It was actually a choice between your question and this one - so I sort of did both.
So everything we learned from Jerry Maguire is bullshit? Bummer.
A buddy when he’s partying, a colleague to discuss work, a mother when it comes to making food and of course, a sex goddess in bed…all that......http://ogibogi.com/node/10339 for details.
A buddy when he’s partying, a colleague to discuss work, a mother when it comes to making food and of course, a sex goddess in bed…all that......http://ogibogi.com/node/10339 for details.