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GBFF, do you think there is a huge social pressure on people, especially chicks, to be in a relationship? People think it's weird I want to be single for right now (even the guy I've been dating thinks it's odd I don't want to jump into a relationship with him just yet).

Yeah, I definitely think that there is a social pressure for women to be in relationships. But I think it's moreso that it seems like so many women are looking for their husbands than when we meet women who are just out trying to enjoy their life and date without expectations (well at least without immediate expectations) it seems odd.

But it happens everywhere in life. If a man doesn't immediately want to sleep with a woman he seems odd and often gets accused of being gay or afraid of women, etc. People like boxes. And most of us like to place people in boxes to help us understand them from our own perspectives. If somebody doesn't fit the way we think they should be or how our perception has been formed, we tend to question it. The kicker is that I don't even think people mean it maliciously or judgmentally. I think it's just that our whole life is filled with labels from race, gender, job status, dating status, etc.

Labels are how we come to define ourselves and those labels also have implicit characterstics. Now, a wise man knows that he knows nothing at all and will acknowledge that labels aren't all inclusive. But generally, until people get to know you, they try to define you based on the what they do know.

So for most of us guys: woman = looking for husband immediately.

The fact that you're okay with being single almost signfies some sort of red flag even though what it really indicates is that you have a healthy sense of self-esteem and are comforable with who you are as a person.

People are funny.

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6 Comments

rxy

AMEN (that's all I think I need to say here) :-)

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Men also don't escape the pressure, especially from their mothers, grandmothers, and aunts...

brat02

I've been struggleing with wanting to remain single versus being in a relationship. After the trauma I experianced, maby being single isn't so bad...

user-pic

You get crap for wanting to be in relationships and for not wanting to be in relationships. My solution? Live by a "whatever happens, happens" mantra. Take life as it comes and do what YOU want because there will be people who complain no matter what you do.

user-pic

Wahaha that's exactly what I told my female relatives who kept asking me when they'll see a "Mrs. X".

And the irony was it happened, when I didn't think it would happen, and our relationship broke many of the so-called "rules".

user-pic

I definitely feel the pressure to get married the more I get older - and i'm only 27!!!!! Mostly i get it from my father especially, my brothers, even friends and on the odd occasion my boss (???). I am in a long term relationship so maybe the fact that he hasn't proposed yet is somewhat freaking everybody out. I wish they'd all calm down though. It's very strange and I can't help feeling like i've somewhat oddly failed at something when I answer "no.. no plans for marriage yet..ha"...even though i'm actually really happy where we're at in our relationship. I'm sure it's the same for men.

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