Seems to me, you aren't a gay women if you date men. Hmm, unless of course there is a new loophole that Mystery Man is unaware of, if so, fill me in.
Best bet, go for a butch lesbian woman. This way you get the best of both worlds. She can play the man, and you can be the woman. Since you are gay this would work out well for both of you.
Ok, then, a gay woman who might be Bi, and is willing to take the stab and find out. Is that a loophole? All of my gf have been womanly, and the butchies are great, but I'm not into them sexually. And I'm not one. It has been over a decade since I've been with a guy, but recently really started to like one in particular. And he is manly and straight. How do I work this so I don't look like a total idiot? He knows I'm considering the other side at this point.
My vote would be to spend some time with the guy, and when you're feeling up to it, a few drinks to help take the edge off. See what happens from there.
Men and women may think and act differently, but at the core of any relationship is the meeting of minds. A couple of bi girls I know tell me that it's the person, not the gender, that attracts them. I can see the sense in that.
Before I give my opinion, I am going to make the following assumptions:
1. You feel like there is a chemistry between you and this guy.
2. This guy knows that you are gay (or at least have thought of yourself as such for the past decade).
If I were in this guy's position, I would probably not make the first move on you. He may know that you are considering the other side at this point, but that means that you are still a lesbian in his book. And, while I have no problem with getting turned down for a date, I still like to think I have a chance before I ask.
Honestly, I think your best bet with this guy is the direct and honest approach, with a bit of stroking his ego. Something along the lines of (adjust to fit your own personality):
"Listen, you know that I have only dated women in the past ten years, and in that whole time I never looked back at my dating men days. Until I met you that is, and ... I really wish that I could remember how to ask a guy out without acting like an idiot ... well, too late for that ... would you like to go get a drink with me?"
By pointing out the elephant in the room, and being light-heartedly self-deprecating by saying you're acting like an idiot should help to diffuse any awkwardness. And, assuming you have chemistry already, he should find it endearing that he made you act a little bit like an idiot.
Ok, so a gay woman who might be Bi and is willing to find out. That a loophole?
I'm not butch, and though they are fabulous, I'm not interested in them sexually. All my female partners have been feminine. It has been more than a decade since I have been with a man, but recently became very attracted to one. Ok, confusion, sure, but why not go for it if the feeling is mutual? I'm sure he'd be happy to give me a tour of his parts and what to do with them. At least that is my impression of straight male mentality. After weeks of getting the impression from him that he's interested, things go flat and I might've been friend zoned.
Clearly I've done something wrong, or misinterpreted from the get go. Even if it is a lost cause now, it has got me thinking...maybe I'm bi. Not your concern to be sure, but I am asking if you have any tips for a woman coming from this perspective.
Ah, okay. Yeah, this isn't really a so much gay versus not gay thing. This is a general what's going on with this guy. Which this site has a ton about.
For this guy without more details it's hard to say what went wrong, but for the future hear are some thoughts:
1) Don't be immediately upfront about being bisexual (or a lesbian for 10 years). I know this sounds dishonest, but hear me out.
Unfortunately, a rather large percentage of guys (even nice ones) are going to immediately start thinking of you in bed with another woman which leads to wondering if they could get in on that. Unless you are looking for a 3 way, it's better to get to know them casually first. Find out what they think, how they work, get beyond just acquaintances. By being totally upfront right off the bat, you can be tossing in a wrench before they are ready for it. Now, I'm not saying hide it. I'm not saying pretend you aren't. Just don't start with it.
Unless...you're already friends with the guy, then Nathan's advice is really spot on, but you've probably already established a lot of ground with a friend. This first advice is mostly with the meeting "new" guys.
2) Keep in mind that in the end it's still just another person to have a romance with. Try not to focus on it being "different" or you being not the normal kind of person this guy would date. Each of us is unique so your previous dates are no different as far as this new person is concerned than any other persons previous dates are. They are the past and this is the present.
3) Most guys are gonna be more like the "butch" lesbians than the girls you've normally dated, but there are more feminine guys. So generally speaking think in terms of what the butch's would want and it wouldn't be a bad idea to look around sites like this to get a feel for what guys generally expect.
4) Just be yourself. In the end, any guy who can't handle your past (or wants to exploit) is one not really worth being with. Your confidence and willingness to be honest will be your strongest suit. Plus you don't want to compromise yourself just to be with anyone guy or girl.
if it wasn't just one particular guy, i would say start out with bi men first to get a feeling for being with a guy again. i say bi men because you're still in the glbt community, so there's sensitivity and understanding to you and your lifestyle. after that, ween yourself back to straight men and see how you like it.
and maybe i've misunderstood a common male stereotype, but i always thought men fantasized about having sex with lesbians? especially femmes. i can't think of a better pick up line than, 'i might be a lesbian, but you're making me think otherwise. how would you like to turn me?' boom. you just got laid.
Just remember men are really ugly compared to women. And their parts are scary. Best to look at their face when the clothes come off, I find it helps.
Question.........Isnt it funny how gay women can NOT BE GAY ANYMORE but gay men CAN'T??!!LOL Its awesome.In my college days I was gay for atleast 2 months out of the year for about 4 years.But my gay guy friends say when they are wantin to just stop & be with women that people still consider them gay using the term "tampered with"....just thought it was a little ha-ha funny.CARRY ON PEOPLE!!
hey send them my way I have no problem dating bi men :-)
also I consider anyone who "was" lesbian or gay to be bi. Lot of bi people out there just date the opposite sex only since there can be social consequences to dating someone of the same sex :(
What a lovely day for a 2766827! SCK was here