You could always try the old classic "Are you bloody deaf, or just stupid?" Change bloody to the pejorative of your choice.
The problem is, you sound like a straight talker. Guys are not used to that from a gal, at all. All the coy little hints, nudges and circumlocutions that most women do, tis no surprise that the poor guy is frantically trying to work out what you mean when you say X. You actually, literally meaning X probably won't even make it onto his radar.
This is one time when you can legitimately blame every other woman the guy has ever known. Including his mother.
OMG! I have this same problem ALL. THE. TIME. It drives me insane!