Meh, why bother? He's not worth the effort.
You think writing him will give you closure but it won't. If he reads it at all, he will skim the first paragraph and toss it in the trash. Meanwhile, you'll be sitting on the other end waiting for a reply that will never come. That's not closure--that's you on the hook for at least another month.
If you really feel like you need to speak your peace, go find the guy in person and tell him to his face what a meatfuck he is, then be done with him. That's closure.
Thanks for the question.
HA! I love the tags! :-D
Oh trust me....wise-ass is absolutely right! It does not create any closure to write a guy a text message or email or anything like that. He won't reply and you will feel like the biggest asshole for even writing him. Simply for the fact that you let him know that he hurt you! It probably will make him feel better about himself that he hurt a woman so much that she would write him a letter letting him know that. There is definitely no reason to inflate his ego over your hurt. Do the opposite...let him think you are just fine without him, even if you are devastated. Because really the truth is he didn't want to be with you. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone feel bad for a choice that they in fact found to be the best one for them. Time will make you realize that! Hang in there.
Hi, would you please advise. I'm just wondering....what if I am the one that broke up with the guy???
I just gave him a hint of why I wanted to just be friends. I'm sure he got it. But he has not replied me to apologize to me or even just man up and tell me he doesn't deserve me. I felt that he's being a coward and hiding instead. And I felt that it's unfair that he may not even know that he has hurt my feeling deeply.
Appreciate any insights and wise words.
Thanks-
If you have ever texted a guy you liked and he never texted you back, times that icky feeling by 20 and that's how you will feel when he never responds to your letter. Instead write a letter of what you would want to say, then burn it. You will get the feelings out without getting rejected when he doesn't respond, and trust me the burning part is great closure :) Include burning a picture of him and your all set lol
I've done the burning thing and I can tell you, it does work!
I hope my ex reads this. He visits this site as well. Did the same thing to me too. Broke up via text. Classy. Hey, honey guess what? You're a meatfuck. Deal with it.
Hmmmm I don't know. I think it depends on the guy and their level of douchery. In this specific instance, yes, this guy sounds like enough of a meatfuck to not respond and therefore not give her closure. However, I have written a letter to a guy I really cared for that lead me on, and at first he didn't respond -- but after 2 weeks I received an equally long email from him, apologizing for the delay and saying it took him 2 weeks to get up the nerve to write me back because he was so ashamed to have hurt me. Turns out he DID care about me, as a person at least, and felt terrible once he realized how I felt and how he had used me. Writing to him felt good, and hearing that DID give me closure.
Gotta say that situation is the exception to the rule, because all my girlfriends and I have never gotten closure from sending an email or a letter. These days people take the cowards way out of a relationship. They start ignoring you and not answering your calls or texts and its up to you to figure out that hes broken up with you because he isn't enough of a man to say it to your face. I understand its hard to sit there and tell someone you don't want to be with them anymore and have to see them get upset and sometimes its more awful because they try to talk you out of dumping them. But telling someone to their face is the respectful thing to do. It is a rare guy and I mean rare, that would take the time to read and respond to a letter or email. Main point here? closure is a myth! The only way to get closure is to just slowly keep saying to yourself that its over, your never going to date ever again and day by day move on with your life and then suddenly one day you will be over it :)
You are so right, closure is definitely a myth!! It's just how you learn to live with it. I once described it as a wound. In the beginning its icky and oozing and it hurts. If you take care of it, it will heal and soon all you're left with is a scar that sometimes twinges and pulls to let you know that it's still there but it's manageable. If you don't take care of it, it gets infected and then...you die.
And NO ONE male or female wants to die from that!
*hugs*
i asked my sister a long while back if i should email someone i once dated just to sort of "let them have it" for the same reasons mentioned. i wanted to do it because it would have made me feel good about letting him know what a uh, meatfuck, i thought he was. she said, no, because then you will make him realize that you still think of him. hadn't thought of that until she said that, but that's another reason not to outside of Cary's really great ones. i didn't do it, and i lived to tell the story. you are setting yourself up for more damage than you realize, even if you think you aren't, if you do it.
This is the sort of thing that if you're gonna do it, you need to do it at the time (right after he texts you to break up.) If you wait, whether it's a day or a month, it will just show that you're not over it, and that's not what you want.
Here's a better, more satisfying idea: set it up so that he sees you with a new guy, looking hot as hell (go to a bar he frequents or something.) Proceed to ignore the fact that he's even in the building. Repeat as often as necessary =)
I wrote a guy I dated once a VERY long letter telling him exactly how I felt and why I felt that way after he broke up with me over the phone. I watched my mailbox, email, facebook, and phone like a hawk for months and never got a response. The lack of response hurt worse than the initial breakup. The next breakup I went through I didn't communicate with him in any way after the fact. The healing time was SO much shorter. I agree with Cary wholeheartedly on this one; you think mailing your sentiments will help give you closure but it actually just drags your negative feelings out. A lot.
Emails are never EVER a good idea.
Text if you must, but I would also show up in person; the element of surprise does wonders in rattling a coward. I don't mean go 'Single White Female' on him. Either agree to meet, or show up to his door with a box of his stuff (ie. leftover crap) and say your peace.
Guys expect women to go "crazy" and over emotional, but as long as you're willing to admit there were two of you in the relationship, calmly tell him whatever the problem was, whatever he was so hurt or angry by.. even indifferent to, he could have at least told you in person. Keep it short and walk the heck away!
Confronting him will hopefully prevent future douchebaggery on his part..one would hope.
If all else fails, call his mom, joking. Or am I??
THAT GUY IS NO MAN!! What a coward! You should be furious that he broke up with you via text!!
I know it's hard when you have feelings for a guy, but he's not worth your heartache feelings. You deserve better and if he did it to you, he probably will end it the same way when his next flavor comes along.
I am really tired of people doing this in their relationships. If you have had more than a few dates with a kind and respectful individual, what is so hard about ending it in a kind and respectful manner? These people who do this are cowardly and disrespectful.
I am making a commitment that I will not date a guy if he has broken up with someone via text.