Love is not enough. What's enough? Love, acceptance and belief that your partnership is not diminished but empowered through individual differences. The basis of a good relationship isn't college transcripts and where you pray or even if you pray. How could it be?
Having said that, it is true that common backgrounds and families whose life experience is similar can be a helpful ingredients to long term relationships. But not always and not at the cost of other things. Things like deep respect, appreciation, and attraction for one another. Things like commonality of interests and values when it comes to how we treat people or perceive our limited time on this earth.
So, he graduated from Harvard Business School. Awesome. Perhaps he will be the breadwinner or businessperson of the family. So you went to a "regular" college. Is he smarter than you? Not on all counts. Impossible. Relationships need all types of smarts to get by and thrive. For example, I write better than my wife, and can parallel park, but she understands banking basics and how to negotiate life as if one's not being chased by a lion. Our differences are value adds, not reasons to worry.
Your religion or education are part of what identifies you, but don't be so quick to assume it's your single identifier - or even worse something that serves to restrict you. Remember religion at its core teaches tolerance. If it doesn't, then its nothing but bad education.
Funny Guy
Love is PLENTY! The school differences are negligible, unless you want to make them into something.
The religious difference is only a problem if:
1. One party wants the other to convert, but they are unwilling.
2. Both parties are not able to respect each other's beliefs and upbringing.
3. There must be a mutual conclusion regarding the religious upbringing of children... and make sure both of you like it, because you don't want to renege something like that once the little one arrives.
Is this a reworded question posted to another guy?
It really depends, but I know a lot of Jewish men who usually date a lot of different types of women, religion-wise, ....but soon feel pressure to marry a Jewish woman by family, community, etc. It really depends on how Jew-ish he is, but I know plenty who are in extremely serious relationships only to break it off because his loyalty to marrying a jewish woman is 'far too important'. Ive seen this especially come about when they hit their 30s.
Yeah, kind of extreme. You can always convert, but I say...love sometimes is enough, but a set of foundation and understanding between you two will be what will guide you guys.
Also, This has certainly been what has kept me from dating Jewish men, and other men as well (religious ones). I only go for guys who's religion doesnt control them, but they step up and own up to who they are and what they want with no cultural/religious/racial boundaries or guidelines. Now thats hot.
Good luck.
I see this both ways really, in the jewish community , orthodox especially, when a woman converts she is not seen as a truly jewish woman, suspicion in raised if she is from a lower economic background. In addition, the man might find it difficult because of external pressures from friends and family, especially if he is religious. Usually going to a rabbi for advice exacerbates his fears.
Then I see it this way, if he cannot imagine being without her, sees her as the mother of his children, etc etc. and has spoken about this with her and they have agreed on how to make it work ( and is willing to stand up to the parents), then mazal tov to them. As for the harvard him and college her at least she was not a high school dropout, correct?
Mr.Wehle, what I am wondering is whether this was from your perspective alone? This is a very easily debatable topic so it is important to determine whether this is fact, opinion or advice.
I concur with the value aspect, its what my husband and I agreed was the most important thing in our relationship when we were first dating
the first part of your comment is absolutely not true. Being a Jew, one who was raised within the Orthodox community, converts are fully accepted in our religion. The conversion process is long and hard for our religion and we are taught that is someone is willing and wants to go through the processes it's b/c they have as much of a Jewish soul as a born Jew. Once a person converts they are only thought of as a Jew and generally the fact that they weren't born into the religion is never brought up again. If you've met or heard of someone who feels differently then it was a personal issue with them, but the religion as a whole doesn't feel that way
out of curiosity- what is the process to convert to judaism? is it as tough as you said?
My boyfriend graduated from Cornell and is Jewish and Russian while I'm attending a small and not well known school and I'm agnostic. It works out just fine!
I'm a product of a Jewish Father and Protestant Mother. Neither shoved religion down my throat. I even went to Catholic school for a while. But I identify with the Jewish Religion. My other two sisters identify with the Protestant religion. It all depends on how the two of them feel about religion. If its not a big deal then dont make it one. We always had a Hanukkah Bush at Christmas along with the Menorah. My father was the Cantor in the temple. I think it allowed me to grow up and be much more tolerant of others religions.