he just got divorced and says "he's not ready" but he give me tons of compliments and wants to hold my hand and spend time with me. Do I stick around, hoping he'll be ready soon, or do I run in the other direction?
Dan Seitz answered this question on
December 27, 2011 1:50 PM
It's really up to you.
It sounds like he's interested, but he's also being honest about not being ready. So, do you want to stick around emotionally, or just be his friend? It seems like he'll be OK with either, so decide what you want, and be honest.
GIRRRRRRL relax! He just got divorce! He needs to dump you and focus on himself instead. Poor guy!
That is a little harsh. Yes he needs time to get over the divorce, but perhaps he sees a good thing in her and wants to keep the connection. She needs to decide if he is worth waiting for and give him some space, but shouldn't back away completely if she thinks she might be interested in him.
Im with MrX..im in the same situation and yes he needs time to heal. A divorce isnt easy and it takes time to close that door. If she feels hes worth waiting for then she should wait. Ive decided to stick with my guy and see where it goes. Without great risk there will never be great love..and besides..you only get out what you put in
Im with MrX..im in the same situation and yes he needs time to heal. A divorce isnt easy and it takes time to close that door. If she feels hes worth waiting for then she should wait. Ive decided to stick with my guy and see where it goes. Without great risk there will never be great love..and besides..you only get out what you put in
i'm with RP not the other commenters, sorry. having dated my share of divorced guys i've tried the sticking it out thing and as great as it was in the interim, it almost never went my way. i've even said in guyspeak FB chat that divorced guys are the toughest shells to crack. they are the hardest to date because of their baggage. which prompted me to ask Cary a question about that as well, we all have baggage. the thing to remember is we are all at different parts of our journey with our baggage. so, if he is telling you he is not ready sweetheart, give him a hug and remind him what your number is for when he IS ready and back off if it is something exclusive you are looking for. otherwise you are going to find yourself in a hot mess of heartbreak. this one may change with time, but the amount of time it takes for a "normal" freshly divorced guy to be ready for another exclusive thing is longer than we want it to be, some of them it takes years. the thing is, when a guy tells you he's not ready, and you stick around, what is going through his head is that now he's told you what he wants and you are still there so he thinks you are okay with that. by him keeping the interest around if you decide to stick it out does not mean to him oh she's still here so i've changed my mind. he hasn't, and he probably won't for some time. but you are still cool to him because now he probably thinks you aren't needing a relationship right now either. not saying kick him to the curb, but definitely do not stop dating other people. silky has a great quote she puts up on occasion, "when people tell you who they are, believe them." so, believe him. it is in your best interest and you deserve to have what you want, and this guy is saying, i can't give it to you.
Absolutely, spot on, Chrissie! I would hold back also, which I understand is hard to do, but you'll save yourself some heartache. If you cannot stay away until he's ready, keep it friendly and say no to sex. It's my belief, and I think science would back me up, that women bond through sex. There's a chemical/hormonal thing that happens, so you need to avoid this if he's not ready for a relationship.
thanks folks. I'm the one who posted the question. I agree that I need to back off, maybe stay in touch and have coffee w/ him occasionally (1x month?) or maybe not... but give him space and I need to keep dating others. It's definitely not going to a friends with benefits thing. I don't need my heart broken. I've found that most guys are usually ready, so when they actually say they are not ready, then they are really not. I KNOW that, I just need to remind myself of it daily right now. I've been divorced and I know what a mess I was... thanks
thanks folks. I'm the one who posted the original question. I agree that I need to back off. maybe stay in touch, kind of, but give him space and I'm going to keep dating. It's definitely not going to be a friends with benefits thing. I don't need my heart broken. Experience has taught me that usually guys are "ready" but when they say they're not, they are really not ready. I KNOW that, I'm going to have to tell myself that on a daily basis right now. I've been divorced and I know what a mess I was...thanks