You know that saying "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before?" Easier said than to live. I prefer "Better to have loved and won than to have lost in the first place, and now: champagne, karaoke renditions of "Heart" songs, and a hot shower for two."
It doesn't roll off the tongue, but I like it. However, that doesn't mean the first saying isn't true. Love is like that last slice of pecan pie you ate and "regretted." You didn't really regret it. That slice might have added a pound. or upset your stomach. But at no point are you ever sincerely angry or disapointed at enjoying such a wedge. Of course, pie doesn't make you feel like a dandelion puff floating along with the wind. Love does.
I'm sorry you lost what you thought was love.
The best way I know how to move on is to pretend to move on, and hope that, eventually, one day, you'll wake up and realize you actually have moved on. You handled it perfectly when he talked to you. You were polite. You didn't turn into a human fire hose. There was no begging. No fires were set. More importantly, you didn't make him pay a price for not feeling the exact way you feel. Hopefully, you didn't talk for long, and were able to hurry up the awkward situation.
If you're still hurting, I say pretending to be "over" him is good enough. You can tell your friends you've moved on to stop them from asking. You can pretend to have moved on, and go out on dates, and who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone who doesn't totally suck. I promise you, though, that if you act like you're okay, the rest of you will catch up.
This doesn't mean that on the occasional Saturday night, you can't do your best couch cushion impersonation, or eat an extra slice of pecan pie.
Mr. DeVore.....you are amazing. 'Nuff said.
Pie makes me feel like a dandelion puff floating on the wind.
Just sayin'.
And this is why I always stop to read your post. They're always just what you needed to hear.
You are amazing, John. My ex got another girlfriend less than a month after we broke up, and he's bringing her into our circle or friends. There's really nothing to do except pretend to be ok with it.
I wholeheartedly agree with this advice! Of course there are a myriad of ways to “get over” someone and move on – some healthy and some not so healthy. However, pretending to have moved on already is not a copout or anything; in fact, it’s actually trying. When you exert effort in going along with your day-to-day, building up a routine or getting into new things to reflect what you wish to accomplish (getting over someone), then eventually you bring to fruition that which you so diligently sought to achieve!
There’s this Mexican (Latin American?) adage that goes “un clavo saca a otro clavo”, which loosely translates to “one nail drives out another nail.” Of course, this means that in attempting to heal the heart, perhaps tempering it with a date or two (or three) in between bouts of couch-potato-slash-stuff-your-face-full-of-over-processed-confections is your answer to getting over someone and moving on. Bawling your eyes out while watching corny but oh so good chick-flick movies and damning the world is perfectly healthy – for a while – but just like withdrawal, you’ll get over this nasty stage and eventually enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells around you with newfound appreciation.
I have moved on after a lil over 2 weeks after my break up. I was hanging out at the ex's place because he and I agreed to try and be friends. But while I was sitting there watching TV with him I suddenly realized I didn't feel the same connection I had with him before. I was afraid that being near him would cause me to possibly cry, get mad that he ended things, or just flat out withdraw from everything. Well after I realized that connection isn't there anymore I'm not longer worried. I figure if he wants to work on being friends that's fine and dandy but only when it fits to MY day not his.
So eventually you too will get over things. I'm not going to try and tell you what a 'normal' time frame is to get over someone as I don't know how much you cared, loved and wanted to be with him nor do I know what things you guys experienced together. But what helped me was shamelessly crying my eyes out whenever I felt sad and was alone. Boxing up the gifts he may have given you will help too, sure you'll remember he gave you such n such item but trust me waking up and looking at any lovey cards he gave you will only drag out the time it takes.
Then after you get some crying done feel free to bash the bad things he did with friends online or whatever. One of my friends made me laugh as we talked about ways to blow up or wreck the guys car. Not that'd I'd ever cause damage to things that aren't mine it's still kind of a funny thing to sit there and do. It oddly cheers you up wen you have things like that to say with friends it means you can joke around and be happy even if for a few moments but that eventually gathers up and before you know it you have more fun than tears to worry over^^
if you act like you're okay, the rest of you will catch up.
Great reply. I think the only way and ability we have of coping with unrequited love is to pretend that were fine. While inside we want to rip out hair out or cry til our bleeds. But maturity calls for pretense and thats what we have to do to move on.
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