Wait, how do you know he's on these sites? Do you have a profile as well?? Were you surfing for dudes and your guy came up?? That's like the beginning of a Kate Hudson movie. Or the "Pina Colada" song, where the guy takes out an ad in the personal column and then his wife ends up answering it. Can you believe people used date through the newspaper? That's crazy that people used to go on dates based on reading "SWF seeks SWM for long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners." No photos or anything. And yet there are people who think online dating is weird.
I'm kidding, of course. Clearly you were snooping on him. Not a good idea either. Why not ask him why he's keeping the profiles? I agree that it's lame and slightly shady to be "in a relationship" on a dating site. For one thing, I feel bad for single people cruising the site who have to click past this profile. Keeping his profile is like keeping his apartment or having a storage locker for his stuff after you've already moved in together-- it's like an escape route. He's saying, well, if this all falls apart, I still have my online dating profiles. It doesn't necessarily mean he's looking to cheat, but it's not a ringing endorsement of his long-term commitment.
And, not to be cynical, but it's not like he couldn't start a new dating profile in the event you guys do break up. It's not like it's really, really easy to sign up for dating sites. I don't see the harm in him deleting his profiles. It takes as much effort to delete it as it does to change his status. Let him know how you feel. There's really no good reason for him to keep those profiles if he's really committed. If it's a social networking site, that's a different story. But there's no reason for him to still be on a dating site. People, get off dating sites if you're in a committed relationship. Don't just change your status. Match.com is not Facebook.
I'm kidding, of course. Clearly you were snooping on him. Not a good idea either. Why not ask him why he's keeping the profiles? I agree that it's lame and slightly shady to be "in a relationship" on a dating site. For one thing, I feel bad for single people cruising the site who have to click past this profile. Keeping his profile is like keeping his apartment or having a storage locker for his stuff after you've already moved in together-- it's like an escape route. He's saying, well, if this all falls apart, I still have my online dating profiles. It doesn't necessarily mean he's looking to cheat, but it's not a ringing endorsement of his long-term commitment.
And, not to be cynical, but it's not like he couldn't start a new dating profile in the event you guys do break up. It's not like it's really, really easy to sign up for dating sites. I don't see the harm in him deleting his profiles. It takes as much effort to delete it as it does to change his status. Let him know how you feel. There's really no good reason for him to keep those profiles if he's really committed. If it's a social networking site, that's a different story. But there's no reason for him to still be on a dating site. People, get off dating sites if you're in a committed relationship. Don't just change your status. Match.com is not Facebook.
This seems a bit on the sensationalism side. The girl's got issues of her own to begin with, if she's actually wandering on to these sites to snoop. It sounds, really, as though she's either already answered her own question, or she really needs to calm down. If this was an "out of the blue" thing, then she should ask him, and let him defend himself. If it's not, then she should probably talk to him about why she thinks their relationship is rocky enough to warrant searching internet sites to make sure he'd disabled dating profiles, and then how she actually found them. To be completely honest, though, I've been in shitty places before where I've made a profile on this or that dating site. I've never checked back to see the responses after maybe one or two times, and deleting them never really crossed my mind. I am absolutely still in love with my beautiful girlfriend after a year and a half, but those are probably still out there. Hell, some still send me emails notifying me I have this or that still. It's not really even a matter of laziness, it's that I really just think they're a non-issue.
Very much a dude attitude. Be grateful your girl isn't looking... Or is she?
I set up a fake profile on a dating site to track someone I met there and started dating but suspected was a player. I didn't fill anything in, I didn't post pix, was totally hidden from all searches and I contacted no one - I just used it to login and see what he was up to. It was the best thing I ever did. If technology can help bring us together, why can't it also help us learn when to part? Regularly, he would log on after a date with me. Once, he logged on WHILE on a date with me. Learned before burned. Not burned too bad at least. That's the downside. The hurt doesn't come all in one blow at the end. It trickles and seethes as the lies continue. Amen.
I say straight up just ask him. If he doesn't log in and isn't active, then maybe he didn't realize you would be bugged by the profile even existing still.
Haha, I'm in a long term relationship and I am very happy. But I have an Ok Cupid account. I love taking their quizzes and having them saved, and they also have a REALLY long questionnaire thing that assesses your personality. It's all pretty cool, and I'm an online quiz addict. So in the beginning of my profile, I have "I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I'M ONLY HERE FOR THE QUIZZES GO AWAY!" :P
Haha, I'm in a long term relationship and I am very happy. But I have an Ok Cupid account. I love taking their quizzes and having them saved, and they also have a REALLY long questionnaire thing that assesses your personality. It's all pretty cool, and I'm an online quiz addict. So in the beginning of my profile, I have "I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I'M ONLY HERE FOR THE QUIZZES GO AWAY!" :P
If she is uncomfortable with it all, she needs to talk to him. What he does with that conversation should speak volumes to her. God, bad or indifferent.
BTW...,It’s not always the case of snooping on the boyfriend, Nick. My married friend asked me if I can look on a popular dating site for her husband, who she suspect was cheating on her. She was clueless as to how to do it. I went looking for her & found the guy I was dating for 3 months, with an active profile which he logged onto that day. WOW..., was an understatement.
Silkysly,
Had you two discussed being exclusive? If so then he is a rat. If not then you were just assuming that he'd stopped dating around because you had. I know that's tough to hear but you should never assume that a guy is exclusive with you unless and until he tells you so. And sometimes not even then.
For those of us that have been burned badly online, I can see where she is worried and upset. The sad fact is, many men cheat online. To some, an emotional fair doesn't count as infidelity.
If you are established and exclusive, it's time to delete the dating profiles. Otherwise, it feels like he's waiting for the next best thing. I can see how that would be very insulting. If you don't know why he still has his profile up, ask him. Maybe it's as simple as- he forgot about it?
The answer to the question of how I came across the profiles originally, is: Connecting Singles is a local, free dating site... profile teasers do actually pop up on local forums and even facebook, I think. I saw a link on a local gossip site called Topix (ugh). So having seen that, I'll admit I searched his username and a few profiles came up.
Anyway, I did ask him about it, and within five minutes he'd sent me message telling me to check his profiles... all had disappeared. So I guess he'd forgotten about them... or just not bothered with them.
That's good. It's reasonable that he forgot about him and wasn't using them. Glad you asked him.
It's definitely possible he just forgot!! I recently got a message on Facebook from someone I went to highschool with, saying they saw my profile on a dating website, and I never responded on that site.
I had no idea my account was still up! I set it up two or three years ago, made a profile, and used it for a few weeks. My boyfriend of a year fortunately just found it funny!
This happened to me too. I had a guy I was seeing show me some e-mails on his phone and saw the OK Cupid matches in his inbox.
My guy had an okcupid profile still does actually. I did snoop on him because I saw the app on his iphone and got to wondering why he'd have that app on there. So I looked and it had shown he'd logged in that very afternoon to my dismay. I thought I could wait to talk about it til I saw him in the next few days but I couldn't it weighed on me too much. So I called him told him what I found his first reaction was a small pause like a second followed by a "That's not right I haven't used that site in years but they do still send me emails" I even looked on his myspace page to compare the pics and found they were all indeed old pics nothing recent had been put up, no recent quizzes taken or anything really other than that it showed he had been online.
But he listened to me from start to finish from me being calm to scared to near tears and confessing I was worried I was having my heart broken again and if he didn't want to be with me to say so now and what not. He knows my fears and whatnot now but his phone keeps showing him as online XD so he's trying to remember his pass to get on and disable it. His ex is pretty vindictive and he knows she got his passwords when they first broke up to things and he's a creature of habit and doesn't vary even things like that xD But I'm going to gently ask him if he disabled it yet next time I talk to him. he's reassured me he's not going anywhere away from me and we both have the mutual feeling that we'd bash someone's face in if they tried messing with our relationship by trying to take us away from eachother or whatever. And he also reassured me I have nothing to worry about and he's glad to know he has a GF who's willing to talk about what's bugging her rather than keep it in and have it cause worse feelings later.
I confronted my boyfriend about having an OkCupid profile after we had been dating exclusively for 5 months. His response was it was like facebook to him, but that I had nothing to worry about. I tried to remain calm and told him it bothered me. He allowed me to look through the profile and all the messages etc. He had not changed anything( he lives in a different area now) or messaged anyone. Ok... I was snooping, but I did a search for his username. Without having a profile you can see when they last logged in. He logged in Yesterday... what to do?