Look, I know people tell you to pay attention to man's actions, and that's true, you should. But that's only if he never really shares how he feels one way or another.
If a man tells you that he doesn't feel anything for you, just believe him. It will save you heartache later. Plus, it hopefully allows you to control what happens - which you don't seem to be doing.
Here's your problem. You like him and his actions indicate that he likes you too. But he's saying something so completely opposite you're confused. Except you shouldn't be. Take that man at his word and stop letting him come over all the time and plan out some random future. Tell him he's sending mixed signals and that until he knows what he wants, be it you or not you, you need your space.
I'm not going to tell you that he does like you, because maybe he doesn't. Only he knows.
I don't know him. But instead of worrying about him, focus on you and what you're doing. You allow him to invade your space and confuse you so kick him out.
That's the hard part, trying to let go. I have tried. It's difficult when he lives next door, and it's just hard. It's like, when he decides I am caring 'too' much, he starts being mean and saying mean things, and then when I talk to him about maybe caring too much he will say that I mean too much to him and that he doesn't want to hurt me and that we shouldn't hang out anymore. I cry, but then I try to pull away too and get over it, and within maybe 3 days, he will start coming back over, or sending me goofy texts. We went a month without speaking recently, and I was starting to really get over it, and then blammo, he is back and now we are back to massages, and wrestling, and talking about living together, and all the other stuff. And He instigates it! And he KNOWS without a shadow of a doubt how I feel. I get so lost and confused. Why does he keep coming back? Why does he do all of this with me, and like spending all of his time with me, only to blow me off when I start to show I care too much, and then tell me he never will. And then come back and do it to me again. I just don't get it!
Block his number. Block him from facebook, myspace, twitter. Delete every text, message, email. throw away his letters. give him back anything that belongs to him, then tell him to get the hell away from you. tell him how you feel. stop giving the massages ,wrestling, spending time with him. lock your door. this guy is poison. if he's making you feel this way, he's a class-A jerk.
He doesn't want a relationship, and he seems to love this game he's playing. maybe its an ego boost, something to make him smirk and say "hey, I'm wanted. I have this girl who's head over heels for me, and i can twist this to my advantage. look what i can make her feel. see, bet you can't do that." because he KNOWS how you feel. he knows you're hopelessly devoted to him, KNOWS that he's hurting you. THIS IS A GAME FOR HIM!!! It's a cycle: he's over-friendly and loving, almost like a boyfriend. then he gets cold and distant. then he pulls away and tells you to stop feeling a certain way and watches you fall. he tells you (I'm betting its lies) that he doesn't want to hurt you, then lets you back in. repeat. you have to break this cycle. this seems like its destroying you. You wrote in: it's bugging the hell out of you at the VERY VERY LEAST. If it were me, I would be in a huge depression, locked in my room... maybe its an overreaction, but for this, i think it isn't.
Anyway, there's plenty of people who would care about you, plenty of men who would treat you better than your 'friend'. don't let him play you, you aren't a game. and as for him living next door: ignore him as much as possible. if he bugs you about it or tries to get you to be how you were with him before, tell him its harrassment and you have grounds for a restraining order (threats invoving law enforcement, even if you can't back it up, typically work. i had a stalker for about a year at one point and now he doesn't even look at me after he followed me to a public restroom (womens) and I told him flat out that if he so much as walked too close to me, I'd call the police and take legal action and it wouldn't look too pretty if he wanted a job and he had a record). and don't look back.
repeating here: this guy is poison. sorry this has happened to you or any girl. and good luck.
Having read your comment, I can't help but feel like maybe you're his ego boost to some degree. I hate to say it, but I've done that to people before. I'm not proud of it, but if I'm being perfectly honest, when I was younger, I've done it. So as someone on the other side of things: Don't let him control you like that! You can do better. And spend time with someone who truly enjoys YOU for all that you are. You obviously care a lot about him, and he cares about you too. But in completely different ways. For the sake of your sanity, you'll be better off if you find someone who likes you for you, not for the way you make him feel.
Men like this are toxic.. he probably likes the attention and is attracted, but that's as far as it goes. He doesn't want a relationship but I bet he wouldn't say no to a fling if you were to offer. He can't leave you alone but won't do you the favor of staying away either. And in the mean time.. your twisted up in knots because your feelings are involved.
Honey, this guy is only thinking about himself. And you will only continue to get hurt every time he acts like your fake boyfriend then walks away when you start to "catch feelings.' As hard as is to do, you need to recognize that anybody who truly appreciates, respects and cares for you will not treat you like like a yo-yo. Kick him to the curb.. and mean it. But be prepared to police your boundaries because he is probably going to try to worm his way back in after a few weeks. Its his MO.
Good Luck!
JTCGirl you are being PLAYED HARD. I've seen this before, a guy friend of mine (V) was in exactly your shoes with another woman (E). I didn't know E well but I knew a few of her friends well, and they straight up told me she likes the attention from V. They also said that's the main reason E was even spending time with him. I tried to tell V this but he wouldn't listen he was "in love" with E. Suffice it to say they never got together.
Like the other commenters said above, he is using you and you are letting yourself be used. He wants all the perks of being in a relationship, but without any of the work involved. Break if off completely with him and don't look back. I wouldn't even suggest telling him that he can only come around if he wants a legitimate relationship. Because sometimes people are willing to go along with these ultimatums because they don't want to lose the person. But it ends being a horrible relationship for you because he doesn't want to actually be with you.
So let him go and find a man who is worthy of your time. Good luck!
Well, she's not being played at all. Mixed signals are only mixed as long as you keep your mouth shut or pretend no alternative explanations exist but the one that you hope for. She's allowing herself the option of living in a fantasy rather than having him respond and shattering that. He's told her where she stands.
Just because you don't want a relationship with someone doesn't mean you can't enjoy spending time with them. He clearly is doing that and thinks that now that she knows how he feels, if she's continuing, she must be on the same page. Frankly, it is up to her at this point to put a stop to it if this isn't what she wants.
I've had this done to me before. NOT FUN! The longer you let it go on, the deeper you'll fall. Tell him you're sick of being played. It's like a bad habit that's hard to break, I know. But you'll be better off without it.
A sweet gal I work with has been on the receiving end of this kind of friendship for over three years. She is so smitten with the guy and he yo-yos her and crushes her poor heart over and over and over again. It never changes. Her sister once called him out on his behavior and his response was quite clear, "She must like whats going on or she would do something else." I guess he is right. She must be getting something out of it or she would get out of that toxic relationship.
Move. Change your number. Goal: happiness. Move on.
People can't use you without your permission.
(deep sigh here)...you got your answer from the comments above, you're friends and family (and dog) have told you the same thing. You wrote, you got the message, and now it time to pull out your big girl backpack and get gone from this person. Tuh-day!