My Dear Lady,
As you know, your stats aren't often (ever) celebrated on the cover of Cosmo and Vogue. In our society there exists great stigma toward the disabled. Not to mention the very small or large. And even though you are cute/pretty and seemingly have a funny, smart and winning personality a population of dudes will not kick it to you. You want the truth. The truth is it sucks and I don't think in our lifetime - the way society is conditioned - any huge steps will be made on this front. BUT the good news is, you don't need all or even most men to kick it you. You just need one good dude. And that is where I think you're in luck. If you put yourself out there - to date, to meet people you will, through charm and laws of probability, bump into Mr. Right. It will take you longer than your abled bodied peers. Even the uglier faced ones and why shouldn't that piss you the hell off? But accepting what is and going for yours is the key. The key for you and frankly me and anyone reading this.
I don't want to leave you with anything less than the truth, as this is what you expressly asked for, so let me add that these "not so good looking guys" probably see themselves as more in your "camp" than their very handsome peers. The flashy hot chics in the bar eventually get divvied up among the flashy hot guys in the bar and the rest of the population make their way to each other. Again, this is solely based on looks, because as we all know many great looking people have excruciatingly defective personalities. But, alas, our species being what it is - the hotties lead the pack.
So to conclude keep charging ahead. You will find your man - it just may take more laps around the block than is fair. Good luck!
So... this lady is annoyed guys are ruling her out based on her appearance while... ruling guys out based on their appearance? Am I the only one who doesn't get this? :/
Maybe the good looking guys won't approach you because they've seen you reject all the other less good looking guys and are scared it'll be them too!
Why do you think it's your right to have a hot boyfriend based simply on the fact you're attractive anyway?
I was thinking this too.
OP, shallowness is one disability you can fix. I bet it shoos away more people than you think.
Maybe guys don't like you because you're a shallow hypocrite?
Totally agree with Terry. See how the world works? It's all about the looks.
OP you're being judged by your disability and you are judging guys by their looks. There's no need to point out the guys who dont care about your disability are not good looking... So what if they are not eye candy?
They are accepting you the way you are and that's what you want, isnt it?
I agree with AW, but also I have to agree with the other posts.
Is it that you will feel more "valued" if you "get" a guy that you think is hot? Please don't take this wrong...You've been staring at the wall, and I'm just opening the curtains for you.....I'm trying to say that It's more of a self esteem issue than you may be aware.
You say all of these physical things about yourself (disabled, height, weight and pretty) but you don't say that you're funny...smart...nice...caring...generous...love animals...anything that is really part of "who you are". You need to let those non-physical attributes shine.
I, too, know what it's like for men to not be physically attracted to me, but I AM all of those nice personality traits, and there are some guys who DO see past physical differences. For those that don't? SCREW EM.
I've learned that it's important to first be the person you want to attract.
As someone who is disabled(in a wheelchair to be precise), the other commenters are correct in saying such shallowness that has been presented to us via your question is part of the problem.
As someone with a disability, I see quite often others in various states of disability who proclaim to want the very same treatment as everyone else, yet at the same time want to be treated special from everyone and expect others to go beyond what is simply courteous into the realm of pandering. Please don't be like this.
On the flip side, I have also experienced many people who, though with good intentions, do not understand that they do not know what is best for someone with a disability and resort to, while it may not seem like it to them, badgering the one with a disability to do this, that and the next thing in the interests of their health or happiness while having no actual idea of what is required for either of those things. To everyone else, please don't be like this either.
I have dated, it has not been terribly difficult to find people to date, however it is terribly difficult to find someone who will realistically be accepting and not shift themselves automatically into an attitude of 'I need to be a caretaker'. Yes, I, or anyone else with a disability will have different needs, some of which will err on the side of nursing, but just like any other relationship, it needs to be done not because anyone thinks they need to be a nurse, but because they care and want their SO to get better and feel better. Just the same as I, for example, would want to take care of my SO when they got sick.
The thing to remember is, everyone has problems. Some of them are just far more visible than others.
Okay in defense of the OP, why should she settle for, say an uggo like me just because, she's disabled?
Of course not, she has as much right as you ladies to find an attractive man. None of you would settle for an uggo, so why should she? If I were to hit on her, I would fully expect the OP to reject me because, that is, like, her right to do so. LOL stop pretending physical attraction can be ignored.
At the same time, the OP needs to realize her disability will turn off some guys, it sucks but it happens. She will have to be patient to find a guy who'll accept her as she is.
Great personality... intelligent, funny... not at all boring... what's that? You're not hot? Nope, sorry, can't possibly date you.
Just because someone is an "uggo" doesn't make them someone you settle for. There is more to a person than their looks. Not everyone is as much of a shallow douchebag as you.
lol...I was only once accused of being intelligent, but the judge had to dismiss the case due to lack of evidence.
Kindly don't make assumptions about what I would or would not do as a lady, thank you.
You would go out with, date, even enter a relationship with a man you have no physical attraction to?!?!?
Yeah, don't try to trap me either, sir. You and I both know there's no such thing an absolute absence of physical attraction, but guess what? Some of us discover that physical attraction AFTER we've grown to love who are person is. So, do be so kind as to not speak as though these things are an absolute in any sense, and do not make assumptions about women in general and I shall be so kind as to return the favour to you.
And another thing, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. What you find attractive, just the same another person finds to be 'uggo'.
you go girl.
LOL this isn't about me, it's about the OP! She's bashed for not settling for uggo dudes, and I'm just giving her encouragement that's she is right for not settling. My wife settled for a lousy and supremely unattractive man and I don't want to see any other woman have to do the same. Especially since the OP does sound like a sweet, kind woman!
And yes I can tell women that they do not find me attractive, I'm not attractive in the least, therefore they cannot find me attractive in anyway, this is not even debatable lol.
So excuse me for encouraging the OP to find a man she has physical attraction with!
Oh, goodie, it's my number one detractor Chrissie lol. She'll agree with anyone who disagrees with me lmao! If I said the atomic number of gold is 79 she would think all of science was wrong just to disagree with me.
all your comment reflects is how small you are. even you admit that your own wife settled, so do not try and bait me either or overcompensate for your smallness with an overly inflated ego. as much as it pleased you, do not be fooled into thinking my comment had anything to do with you, you are nothing to me. so put your ego away, you are right, this is not about you, i am capable of agreeing with someone whether you are involved in the conversation or not.
Ha, compared to my ego, yours is bigger than a supercluster.
Here I'll feed your ego some more, I am a little man, inferior to you in everyway, I suck, I am an asshole, you are just sooooooo perfect in everything without a single flaw. O mighty Chrissie I grovel in my inferiority before you supremeness awesomenes just so perfectness. I am not even worthy of replying to you, I am just so so so so so so so small and tiny. You win, congratulations, you triumphed in an internet argument, I yield. Pat yourself on the back for being master of the universe. Oh, please, please, please, I would really love it if you were to insult me to my wife, to her face.
And you said you'd never reply to my comments again, inconsistent much?
Hey, the sky is blue, you better look outside and check, after all I am wrong in everything I say lol.
perhaps you are not accustomed to women defending themselves around you, but that is all i was doing. you do not get to publicly attack me and then expect me to remain silenced just because i told you once i never wanted to speak to you again. if you think it is okay to speak to women in that manner, or to people in general, then you need help. i am asking you now to stop speaking to me, or about me, directly or indirectly, indefinitely. this is my right, even in a forum such as this, and it is your responsibility to respect my wishes, even in a forum such as this where you hide behind your computer screen of bravado for personal attacks. failure to respect my wishes will be deemed as harassment. thank you.
I wholeheartedly disagree. There is indeed such a thing as absolute absence of physical attraction. How can anyone claim that this can NOT exist?
Our primitive brains are hoard-wired to be attracted to what we subconsciously perceive as "good breeding genetics" in a potential mate, and that is what forms much of what individuals are attracted to... much more so than societal conditioning. We can try all we want to deny that we have preferences in appearance, that we're attracted to this and not attracted to that, for the sake of convincing ourselves and others that we are not "shallow..." but at the end of the day, we all have our likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs. Since when is it "shallow" for us to be drawn to this but not that? Oh, that's right, because society tells us that we're shallow if we go with not only our hearts and minds, but also our eyes and "tingles" (or lack thereof)? That is nothing more than being fake and phony, if not outright lying (to ourselves as well as to others).
I've spent decades watching people claim that they are not "shallow" and that they are attracted to personality and intelligence and character, etc., and that one's looks don't matter when choosing a mate... and watching these same people accepting drinks, dances, and dates from the hottest prospects in sight.
I'm not trying to claim that NO ONE overlooks appearances, so I don't need anyone trying to put words into my mouth/keyboard that aren't there. My point is that there certainly IS such a thing as "absolute absence of physical attraction"... just like there is absolute absence of attraction to personality, character, behaviors, etc. It's not as black-and-white as our P.C. society tries to force us to pretend to believe.
You "feel the thing" with someone, or you don't. Granted, those feelings CAN indeed grow in time, but the reality is that most people rarely bother to take the time to wait for feelings and attraction that may or may not grow and develop.
Well, I think we are off topic by bashing on Mr.X. I don't see anything wrong in what he said.
Anyway, I want to add my 2 cents...
OP, don't knock the "not so good looking ones," I feel that you should reconsider their appearances. I understand your desire to find an attractive mate, and yes, EVERYBODY wants to meet somebody they are attracted to. (No crime committed by stating that you want to meet somebody attractive.)
And I think the point of bringing that part up in the question is to bring up the notion WHY is it that the good looking guys don't hit on her? Is it because of her disability?
And as Amit said, the flashy, hot guys are paying attention to the flashy, hot girls. Looks do matter, in terms of being physically attracted to someone, which is generally the first thing needed in pursing someone....
We ALL are guilty of being shallow. Give her a break.
My brother is disabled. In fact, he is physically deformed, and throughout his life, he has been made fun of because of how he looks. He has been called a monster, and has questioned his own appearances as a result. But you know what? He is freaking adorable and he is THE sweetest soul you will ever come across.
He, just as much as the OP, have every right to question why all the "ugly" ones are the only ones that hit on him, and I think the question stems from the notion of not being perceived as attractive because one possess a disability. She's thinking like that because of the stigma placed by society.
But you want to know something? Despite my brother's disability, his personality shines through and he's got a fan club.
OP, show case your personality and people will notice. Not everybody sees your disability.
Thanks. Not sure if you are new here, but there are some who will think what I say here is the worst possible, just because I was the one who said it.
For instance, I will praise your brother, as he sounds like a man who overcame a bad lot in life, didn't let self-pity overtake him, rose above it But I can count on at least three downvotes for saying such a thing, just for no other reason than I was the one who said it. Small and petty, but there it is.
And that was my point too, people have to have at least some physical attraction for the other person for any relationship to last. I've heard of those trying when one wasn't feeling it, they not only didn't last, they ended messily and with lots of drama. But the other posters here were telling her to just go for guys she had no attraction to, and I disagree.
Looks like Mr. X has more of a fan club than anyone on here wants to admit ;)