Well, I'm no doctor, but the first thing I would prescribe is a giant "chill pill." As in, relax and take one. And then I would see a psychiatrist, counselor or someone who can help you with your jealousy issues. Because at this point, I'm not sure you're fit to be in a relationship.
It's unfair to your boyfriend for you to get jealous at inanimate objects. Do you have any legitimate reason to be jealous? Has he been unfaithful in the past? Or do you just have trust issues? Where do they stem from? An ex? Parents? If you get upset at the idea of your guy being around scantily-clad women on a billboard or in a video game, your issues go beyond mere jealousy. It's a level of fear and paranoia that is encroaching into your daily life.
What does your boyfriend think about your jealousy issues? Do you convey them, or keep them bottled up? Has he reassured you that he'll be faithful? If this isn't something you can overcome through communicating with your guy, then you need to seek help from a mental health professional. Because, as you say, it's ruining your life and relationship. Right now your life is being controlled by unfounded paranoia. You need to treat that problem before your fear comes true and you drive him away.
Sounds like jealousy is just the symptom, and the real problem is extreme insecurity. Like Chic Geek said, you need therapy. You are worth way more to your boyfriend than some cleavage on a billboard.
Asker....Nick is right on....nothing more is as clear. Some sort of counseling to get to the root is imperative if you are to move forward and have a lifetime of healthy relationships. Best of luck....
OP:I actually sent a complete version of this to MM, which is who it was intended for, but you're the default on the question page, and I accidentally ended up sending the first part to you.I appreciate the response either way though, since I might not get one from MM.
I know I need help, but I don't know where to get it. I'm about to graduate college, so that's not really an option for counseling, and as soon as I'm done I'll be looking for a job. Money isn't exactly something I have an excess of at the moment. And I don't know how else to get help.
It's so hard to relax, I feel anxious about these things almost all the time. I have talked to him about it and he completely understood everything I said. I feel very lucky to have a boyfriend that isn't just understanding of what I'm feeling but also tries to understand it on a deeper level.
I don't really talk to him about it, mostly I just keep it in; I don't want him to have the "jealous girlfriend" image of me. He's so understanding of it that I feel guilty for ever mentioning this to him. After I talked to him about how it made me feel he stopped playing some of his video games and doesn't watch some of the shows that contain more nudity anymore.
I've tried researching this myself before, and I've found so much different information from so many sources that I don't know what to believe.
The strange thing is that I feel so confident outside of relationships that it's hard for me to see where this insecurity is coming from. I'm about to graduate as a chemical engineer, I can get pretty much any date I want, I'm fun, I have so many interests. I don't know where this severe jealousy is coming from but it's choking me. I feel hopeless. =(
I've considered several things from my past that could be the root of this, but it's hard to know which one it is, or if it's all of them because different sources from the internet say different things. If anyone has any experience with dealing with jealousy or insecurity, please help me. I would love to have someone to talk to who has overcome this.
Whether or not the question was meant to go to MM, and no matter whether or not MM answers you too, CG's answer is right. Just so you know.
By mentioning that I meant to say that his answer isn't as complete as what I had hoped for since I sent the complete version to one of the other guys.
I realize that his answer is right, I have read that on the internet over and over again. If you had read my response, you would see that I never said that he was wrong. To the contrary, I my post asked for further elaboration of his advice.
Most universities have counselors on retainer that can be seen for a low or no fee. They usually deal with stress-related issues related to school, but they can at least direct you in the right direction. There are also free clinics that offer low/no cost counseling from psychiatric students. So you do have options.
Honestly, it sounds like anxiety over losing him. Everything else in your life is control and perhaps you feel a loss of control from your boyfriend being bombarded with images of other women. Anyway, feel free to ask MM if you want a second opinion.
Also, be aware we have a word count limit. If you're resubmitting your question to MM and it's really long, it may get cut off.
Thanks for your advice, I haven't thought of going to a free clinic. I guess I'll be setting time aside to see if there are good options for that around here.
Also, I feel kind of rude saying that I'd intended this to go to MM; it seems to have not come off not the way I had intended. I didn't mean to imply that your answer isn't appreciated, it very much is. Thanks again for taking the time to answer me!
To the OP... I would read this advice column:
http://dearwendy.com/columns/im-jealous-of-calendar-girls/
She basically explains how to love yourself and the things you can do for your boyfriend that a model on a billboard (or in this letterwriter's case, a pin-up girl) can't... and she has some suggestions other than therapy I think.
I followed your link and noticed something interesting. One of the people commenting on this letter had the user name ChemE. I wonder if this is the same person; if so, then she gave the asker perfectly sound advice. Reminds me of a quote from Alice in Wonderland: "I give myself very good advice, but very seldom follow it." (there's no judgment implied in my saying this - it's just an observation)
Wow, that is an incredible coincidence, I have never read that post. But I really wish I WAS that poster so that it would be that easy for me to not worry about these things. I just chose this username because I'm a Chemical Engineer. =p
Your job sounds very interesting. I'm not in a science field, but I am a lay-appreciator of science (I love reading New Scientist). As for your question, I think this is something you'll grow out of (I hope that doesn't sound patronizing). You're aware of it; you know it's a problem and you're thinking about it. You've taken the first steps. My suggestion would be to take some time out of relationships and focus on everything and anything else for a while. I generally think that as soon as you stop obsessing about something, the answers become a whole lot more clear. The insecurity may not totally go away, ever. But it will become something manageable, and something that just no longer holds much significance. Btw, I had similar feelings when I was young and first married. I don't think it's all that unusual, really. We are surrounded by these images - they are pervasive and for some people offensive. They are certainly damaging in some ways. But it's all a matter of perspective.
Thanks, it's a lot of math, but also very interesting. I just finished an internship at a semi-conductor company and it was amazing. I'm looking forward to building my career as a chemical engineer.
I really hope that I grow out of it, and sooner rather than later. I just want to get away from it all, it's overwhelming. Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate them. I wish that I could just take a break from relationships, but I don't think I can right now. I've been with my current bf for almost two years, and it's been great with the exception of my anxiety about these things. He wants to get married and our families are close.
I will try to focus on something else. I've been wanting to get into volunteering for a while now but haven't gotten around to doing it. Sounds like now is an ideal time. Again, thanks for being kind and offering your advice.