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I contacted an ex after I heard he had cancer. He started talking to me in tears and shock that id have anything to do with him. I lost my v card to him 5 yrs ago. He cheated and left me. He's in remission and single. Should I give him a 2nd chance?

Wow. Give him a second chance, with conditions. There's no reason you have to give him the keys to your heart. Invite him in first. Get to know him again. Start from square one.

How about this: don't think of it as a "second chance." Think of it as a new, fresh start. Let him into your heart, but don't let him move in. If he is truly contrite, and sincerely wants to be with you again, he won't mind a few speed bumps here and there. Relationships aren't always "game on" or "game off." Love isn't always brave leaps of faith.

Take it slow. Allow yourself to let him earn your trust back.

Near death experiences can change a person. Once you've received graphic confirmation of the finality of life, you really start to prioritize things differently. We waste a lot of time and tears on silly things.

At the very least, he seems moved that you would forgive him. He was probably aching over a list of regrets, and you were one of them. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Regardless of your future together, you did good reconnecting with him and easing the agony of regret.

You deserve a cupcake.

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4 Comments

Megan

I give props to people who can deal with illness. I can't. The vunerability is just...not my cup of tea. At least not yet.

Nick Nadel

Eh...I don't know. Is cancer a get out jail free card? Having sympathy for him and becoming his friend again is one thing. And if you think he's truly changed, then give him a second chance. But the sad fact of his illness shouldn't be your deciding factor. That isn't going to make for a stable, trusting relationship, which is probably what he needs now. Just consider your reasons for getting back together with him first.

p0eticprincess

thank God someone has decided to bring this girl back down to earth. honestly regardless of his cancer and what have you-he knows you are going to be an easy target. he has cancer for godsakes. he doesnt want to have to chase after women! he wants to get it where he can and without all the work. losing your "v-card" to a guy is like having a huge red x on your face. "you're it!" he screams. be logical. do you really want to give someone you gave your heart to a second chance just because he has cancer? so rediculous. you should make him run 4 miles and if he still has it in him-id consider the second chance...just sayin.

Cathy

I agree with Nick, give him a second chance if you want to be in a relationship with him again, not because he has cancer.

In my experience, the revelations that come with a near-death experience are almost as short-lived as New Year's resolutions. He may have a new outlook on what's important in life now, but it's easy to lose track of the big picture once you start living with all of the small annoyances again.

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