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HELP!!!! I just found out that the guy I've been dating for 2 mos has herpes and he confessed to me when he had an outbreak. I feel betrayed because he should've told me first before we jumped into bed. He said he completely forgot about it. I really like him and devastated. I also worry that I might get infected. What do I do now?

Go get a STD test. Immediately. If you were having safe sex, you might be okay. If you didn't have sex when he had an outbreak, you might be okay. But you can still catch genital herpes when there isn't an outbreak. You won't know for sure unless you get tested.

Also, you should dump him. He sounds like a scumbag. He "forgot" to tell you? F--k that guy. Herpes isn't something you just forget about. In fact, you literally cannot forget about it because it keeps coming back. It is a recurring thing. He owes to to everyone he sleeps with to tell them. Again, you CAN still catch herpes if he hasn't had an outbreak. The chances are far greater during an outbreak, but it is still possible.

It's tough since you like the guy, but he really did the wrong thing here. He should have been honest with you from the first time you slept together. Instead, he put you at risk for a serious STD. That's a really, really awful thing to do. If he didn't know he had it, got tested, and then told you, that would be a different story. Unfortunate, but forgivable. But this is unforgivable and irresponsible in my mind. Get tested and dump this scuzztroll immediately. Also, protect yourself in the future. Practice safe sex. If you want to have unprotected sex with a guy you're dating, make sure he's been recently tested and do the same yourself.
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10 Comments

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The only way to accurately diagnose herpes is to take a swab from a sore during an outbreak. While blood tests are accurate for other conditions (ie HIV), they are not so clear cut for the HSV strains. You'll only know 100% for sure when you have an outbreak.

But yeah, sounds like a deal breaker.

user-pic

Actually with the serological testing they have nowadays, you don't need to have lesions to be diagnosed with it. The actually do serological tests as confirmations of cultures taken from lesions. :)

user-pic

I am sorry that happened to you. It sadly really does show his character in its full glory. You will never be able to trust a man that does not have the compassion or the courage to talk about something tough.

I dated a guy who had herpes and he told me before we had sex. He always wore a condom and when he had an outbreak he would tell me and we would not have sex. This was a guy I was casually seeing and he still had the courtesy to let me know.

Dump that guy. I know it is tough because you like him but he has proven to you by his actions he is not worth it.

silkysly

Read what YOU wrote. “I feel betrayed because he should've told me…” You know you deserve better than that jack-w@d or you wouldn’t have written it. Does he really think you are bat $h!T crazy & going to buy into that line of crap? Nick is right, this isn’t something you forget. Get tested & don’t look back. Don’t waste the pretty on his @$$, anymore.

user-pic

I've been wondering lately whether you can sue someone for knowingly exposing you to their STD without telling you in advance - it seems you should be able to at least get your medical expenses paid for. I mean, if someone harms you in any other way, they are liable...car accident, etc. I think if people had to start paying for these kinds of harmful actions, they might be less "forgetful."

Nick Nadel

There have been cases where people went to jail for knowingly injecting someone with HIV.

Nick Nadel

Er, infecting. Both, I guess.

BlackTea-007

Hahaha!! Freudian slip much?

silkysly

Too funny Nick...

hmmm...

nick - i used to know a mother of a child whose bio father did just that... he didnt want to pay child support for his child so to get out of paying he injected his son with HIV infected blood during a weekend visitation. he got hammered hard and not only had to pay child support, had to pay damages and suffering plus ALL medical costs of the child.

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